Woggle Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 You hear a lot about how men don't want to commit anymore and while that is true for some men most of the time it is not the entire story. When a man is with a woman and wondering whether or not she is wife material his number one question is what is daily life like living with this woman. He tries to envision it in his head and if he likes what he sees he might commit and if he doesn't he probably won't. He starts to think about all the possible arguments, the drama, if she will attempt to change or tame me and if she will eventually start to resent me for every problem in her life. All of this goes through a man's head when he thinks about marriage and then he makes a decision. 2
Author Woggle Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 I think it's more about if he is in love with her or not to be honest. That factors in but the things I mentioned are dealbreakers as well. We start to wonder if daily life with them is better than single life with our friends or not.
soccerrprp Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I think it's more about if he is in love with her or not to be honest. ♫♫♪ Sometimes love just ain't enough...♫♪ LOVE, certainly. But there are the tangibles that come into play, of course. I dated a woman that met every image of what I wanted in a woman, but I did not have the deep, longing for her that should have come with it all. To tell you the truth, I don't know how and when THAT feeling comes about for me. It's not something I can put a definition or formula to, but if THAT is not present, I won't commit. I'm convinced that it is something beyond just LOVE.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 ♫♫♪ Sometimes love just ain't enough...♫♪ LOVE, certainly. But there are the tangibles that come into play, of course. I dated a woman that met every image of what I wanted in a woman, but I did not have the deep, longing for her that should have come with it all. To tell you the truth, I don't know how and when THAT feeling comes about for me. It's not something I can put a definition or formula to, but if THAT is not present, I won't commit. Hmm isn't that feeling what love is? You have just described a woman that is "good on paper" but you weren't in love with. 3
Author Woggle Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 I know that is what made me eventually want to marry wife and what most of the guys I know think about. If I am going to be sharing a life and living space with a woman it needs to be an enjoyable and drama free experience.
soccerrprp Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Hmm isn't that feeling what love is? You have just described a woman that is "good on paper" but you weren't in love with. I have thought about that. No, more than LOVE. Something that is non-temporal in nature. Something else that tips me to commitment that goes beyond the typical attributes of love. Perhaps I've over-analyzed it all.
crude Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I think it's not love, but the fact that many single men indulge in self-destructive behaviour, and when they grow out of the heavy drinking, drugs, silly sex, poor eating habits, etc, they feel marriage is the only way to grow up and correct themselves. If you don't abuse yourself and enjoy being single (don't want a roommate), then being single is the way to go. 1
soccerrprp Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I think it's not love, but the fact that many single men indulge in self-destructive behaviour, and when they grow out of the heavy drinking, drugs, silly sex, poor eating habits, etc, they feel marriage is the only way to grow up and correct themselves. If you don't abuse yourself and enjoy being single (don't want a roommate), then being single is the way to go. Wow, how cynical. 1
Pyro Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Meeting the right gal and taking your time to get to know her so you know if you want to invest your life and time with her.. 6
iris219 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 The desire to commit comes from within. Some people are committed relationship types while others aren't. For those who aren't relationship oriented, not much can change that, not even meeting someone awesome. 4
Sunshine87 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 The desire to commit comes from within. Some people are committed relationship types while others aren't. For those who aren't relationship oriented, not much can change that, not even meeting someone awesome. Yeh I agree with this. People who are relationship-prone find it easier to commit. However people who aren't may eventually commit but only when they feel an overwhelming wave of what they think is "love"- often deep deep lust. They are often very picky and find reasons to never settle down. But sometimes they do, if they happen to get that overwhelming feeling of lust. Not sure it lasts though.....! It's easier to be with someone who likes relationships. You don't have to struggle or fight for it because he has a natural disposition towards it. 1
Emilia Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 The desire to commit comes from within. Some people are committed relationship types while others aren't. For those who aren't relationship oriented, not much can change that, not even meeting someone awesome. I'd say it's not constant. Certainly hasn't been in my case over the years. I wasn't ready for anything serious for years after my divorce for various reasons but have been much more settled and ready for the last 2-3 years 1
Sunshine87 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 An example, my brother who is about 30 years has had about four serious relationships and hundreds of casual relationships. He committed to those girls because he fell HARD! He was smitten. Sadly, that distorted his ability to judge these girls accurately. Three of them turned out to be bad. One was a pathological liar and cheat, the other was extremely crazy...the third I can't remember. The LAST girl ( the first of the four girls he had a relationship with) was actually the best I.e she was a very lovingm decent, intelligent and kind woman. But guess what? He broke up with her because he found her "boring". Years later and afte having fallen for three not- so-great-in-the-end girls, he appreciates her more than ever. But she is married now. Point: sometimes they need to be swept off their feet with emotions before they commit. But it doesn't always last because real and solid lasting love needs more than deep feelings of lust and excitement.
Emilia Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 But guess what? He broke up with her because he found her "boring". Years later and afte having fallen for three not- so-great-in-the-end girls, he appreciates her more than ever. But she is married now. I knew that before I got this part of your post. He is addicted to drama 2
Author Woggle Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 I am somebody who likes freedom and a low drama life. If I can find that within a committed relationships which I have then that is the ideal but if not I would rather be single.
KungFuJoe Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I commit when the person I'm with is so amazing and I'm so in love that I can't imagine life without her. That to lose her would be like cutting off my own arm.
Phantom888 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Even the most uncommitted man would change his tunes instantly if he met the right woman. I have witnessed this so many times. A man would not marry his woman after 6 years of dating. Then they break up, and he marries the next woman in less than 3 months. So for all the ladies out there with uncommited men... He isnt afraid of commitment. He is only afraid of commitment with YOU. Let him go. 1
crude Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Wow, how cynical. I don't think I'm cynical. We always look for some kind of "love" or other irrational things to explain why people marry. Usually it's a practical reason. When a woman has a group of 6 friends and they're all engaged or getting married, that woman feels that she has to get married too, or risk being the outsider/old maid. If a woman who makes chump change as a secretary stands at a bus stop in the rain sees a former co-worker drive by in a car her husband bought her and living in a house her husband pays for, the single woman has an overwhelming jealousy and it has nothing to do with so called love. Men get married because of pressure, trickery, or their own failure to enjoy their single lives, instead choosing to live like boors or party animals. See, I'm, not cynical, just common sensical.
iris219 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Even the most uncommitted man would change his tunes instantly if he met the right woman. I have witnessed this so many times. A man would not marry his woman after 6 years of dating. Then they break up, and he marries the next woman in less than 3 months. So for all the ladies out there with uncommited men... He isnt afraid of commitment. He is only afraid of commitment with YOU. Let him go. For a man with true commitment issues, there's no such things as the right woman. I know lots of guys like this. One of them is one of my best friends and we both know he'll never commit. He's never had a LTR (he's over 40) and doesn't plan to.
tbf Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I am somebody who likes freedom and a low drama life. If I can find that within a committed relationships which I have then that is the ideal but if not I would rather be single.This is your lens, not a universal lens.
jlola Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I think it's more about if he is in love with her or not to be honest. I agree. Love makes people blind to many,many red flags. I have seen men and women warned about "significant other" It is not until the infatuation stage has calmed down you really see the truth. Many relationship expert advice not to marry before knowing each other well for at least 2 years in an open relationship.
jlola Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 For a man with true commitment issues, there's no such things as the right woman. I know lots of guys like this. One of them is one of my best friends and we both know he'll never commit. He's never had a LTR (he's over 40) and doesn't plan to. Or even if he does marry, he most likely will not stay faithful. Men like that seek a perfect woman. If he marries another oman in less than 2 years time, it is because he is still in the infatuation stage with her and sees her as "perfect". But soon as he sees she is not "perfect" his commitment fears will resurface. Because now,he will feel he made a mistake and still needs to search for Ms. Perfect who is still out there. 1
Eggplant Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 For men, does the desire to have children ever play a role in the decision?
Sunshine87 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Or even if he does marry, he most likely will not stay faithful. Men like that seek a perfect woman. If he marries another oman in less than 2 years time, it is because he is still in the infatuation stage with her and sees her as "perfect". But soon as he sees she is not "perfect" his commitment fears will resurface. Because now,he will feel he made a mistake and still needs to search for Ms. Perfect who is still out there. SPOT ON! Precisely.
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