Cougaryoungerman Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 So first off hi, I am new to this, I am young in my late twenties , I am facing a divorce, I got married young whoboth thought at the time was right It unfortunately feel apart due to his depression and cheating. I have come out of it very burnt and not wanting to get divorced but the inevitable is happening. That's not my current issue I met this younger man on a dating site. I can't now remember who initiated contact, but I remember seeing a profile and being quite taken by it. We made the basic contact with each other, sending winks and basic conversation starters of hi how are you, we progressed to communicating via email, it dint go very far. He never really replied. So I sent a thanks but not interested anymore email, but thanked him for the little contact we had. Strange thing was I felt a strong urge to want to hear from him , which was strange as we never met and it was just simple and not deep conversations at this stage. I felt really upset to end the communicating but it was going no where. He never replied to the good bye email. I left it. A few weeks passed and I still thought of him, so I re tried contact. Explaining i was happy to get to know him if he was keen,With much success, he replied and said it would be easier to keep in contact via Facebook. We added each other and started to chat , every second day, I felt very excited by his messages and looked forward to them, we uncannily had a lot in common. He went a way for a week so I decided to let him enjoy his holiday distraction free but kept thinking bout him and he initiated contact and we chatted a bit bout what he was up to. When he came back we exchanged numbers via fb. He messaged me straight away and started sending me pictures of what he was up to. We texted non stop that whole week, getting to know each other, as we arranged to meet at the end of the week and I was helping him wot a uni. Assessment. I volunteered to help him. It ended up becoming a date and we connected really well, though nothing physical happened, there was tension, just we both were respectful. We texted straight after the date, continued as usual everyday texting and hiring photos, I noticed though he stopped opening up and just responding to my texts but not sharing about himself. He started to get very strange in asking me if I was dating anyone or seeing anyone every time I said I had to go, he would say oh why? Enjoy your date, or who you dating? At first I took it a a joke, as he knew I was single and focusing on healing from my marriage. We had many conversations about where we were at, he seemed to be at the same place as me, single, not ready and happy to meet people. So as I said he stopped sharing anything with me, just responding. I got upset and asked him for some space, because I dint want to play this everyday texting game, if he was not going to open up, it's not fair, should be a two way street. He took it completely the wrong way, and thought I was ending our friendship, so we ended up fighting via texts. I told him the next day I was sorry it got out of hand and just want some space to work my issues out, he said once he understood that he was willing to give him the space I need and he will be here waiting, if I decide to contact again. A few days later we were back to normal texting every day and both tried to organise meeting up but he was busy with sport or the plans never got of the ground. I took it as pretty clear sign the guy wasn't interested. If I said anything he would get upset and say I was ending our friendship and he wasn't closing the door on anything...I wasn't I would just say I was happy chatting and not ready for more but confused why he never wanted to meet up. By this stage we had been texting none stop for a month straight. He started to daily ask then if I was dating or say have fun on my date. I would always tell him I am not dating anyone , I felt annoyed by this but would be polite about it all, ad remind him I was single. He would always ask if I was partying when the weekend came by. If I said yes he wanted to know if I was meeting guys, I said no, some times I would invite him out but he would always have plans. Then he would offer for us to do something later but it would never happen. Now month and a half later still texting every day, still asking the same questions if I was dating.,,he went on my fb and started asking who certain guys were and I would say who they were, i think e was trying to find out which one was my ex husband, he is no longer on my fb, as he was asking who my brother in law was. I was a little taken back he was doing this yet we weren't anything. Next day I made a joke about it by asking who two girls were on his fb, and then said so who is every girl on your fb? He said oh all my lovers, he asked me the dating question if I was going on a date (I was going to get my surf board), I said in reply I think you're jealous, he said me nope, I go really, he said no...then that night after a full day of texting, he told me at 11:40pm he liked my enthusiasm, starting to see some one but still keen to stay friends. This hurt me but I realised then how much I liked him, I didn't tell him, just said I was happy for him but we could no longer talk as we were, he got very upset and gain was sad I was ending our friendship, I said this time I was because I didn't want to get in the middle of them. I cried over this. He then filled my fb inbox with. Nice messages and I said he really had to stop if he was seeing her, he said he understood. I then removed him from fb to be able to move on, he noticed straight away and started texting why did I do that, as I was out I blew his texts off and Said to calm down and ill explain later. I stuffed up and meet a guy when out and feeling sorry over the guy I was texting and my ex ...I went back with the guy from the club, struggling with the fact my husband was already in a relationship with a new woman. The guy I was texting, sent messages asking bout my night. I told him I met a guy at the club and he was asking for details,,,I said I didn't want to go into details but he can figure out what I did. So anyway from there our texting started again. I asked him how the girl was he was seeing then and there. So he must of noticed and we stopped talking in the day, just at midnight he would send a few texts about the day or talk about what I had been up to . Then it cut down to every second night. That brings us to last week, he made a few jokes I was a cougar because I am older then him and he said I was interested in him, I freaked an said I did Like him but not ready still healing, we sent a few jokes bout being a cougar then two days later he plain out asked again if I was dating, he knows my answer so I made a joke and said oh you know me I am dating heaps of men and got heaps of numbers. Then he stopped texting for five days. I was thinking it be good to have space so I let it go until he reached out, which was five days later, he did like a fb status (re added him because he got upset). But liking a status is nothing. His texts was just a really flattering congratulations text regarding a uni assessment I told him about a week prior. Now it's been a day and half, I fb him a message very platonic just wishing him Well in his sport comp coming up and just wrte thanks. Should I wait for this guy or move on? What to do?
Author Cougaryoungerman Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 I have never posted in a forum before. I noticed it was exceptionally long, oh well that's what you get when you write in a forum for the first time, on a hour and half train trip home. That's my fear he is controlling and a little possessive (other things he has said and done). Just needing clarity and an unbiased opinion. Thanks
FitChick Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Sounds like a game to him - "Oh, look, this older woman wants me." Probably jokes about it with his mates.
RedRobin Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 OP, I don't think this has anything to do with age difference. He just doesn't sound like a nice person. I've come across one or two guys like this in my life. Delete him from your FB and move on.
Author Cougaryoungerman Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 I have dated players or guys that play games before. I wouldn't say I am desperate but I guess I put myself in these positions with guys because I am a little vulnerable. I am not even fully divorced, I have had two rebound relationships and after the ended badly just thought I would enjoy being single. I only went on a dating site because a friend asked me to join with her, do I did out of support. I think men can sense these things, even when you don't act desperate they can just tell and it makes them feel like they can play these games with you. you are probably right, all my friends say the same to just forget him. Which I am as I have stopped texting him and not going to follow him up. I would take him off facebook but I know once he notices he will fill my phone with messages and will get really upset. It's easier if I just leave him there. thanks everyone.
RedRobin Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I have dated players or guys that play games before. I wouldn't say I am desperate but I guess I put myself in these positions with guys because I am a little vulnerable. I am not even fully divorced, I have had two rebound relationships and after the ended badly just thought I would enjoy being single. I only went on a dating site because a friend asked me to join with her, do I did out of support. I think men can sense these things, even when you don't act desperate they can just tell and it makes them feel like they can play these games with you. you are probably right, all my friends say the same to just forget him. Which I am as I have stopped texting him and not going to follow him up. I would take him off facebook but I know once he notices he will fill my phone with messages and will get really upset. It's easier if I just leave him there. thanks everyone. So what? If he does fill up your phone with messages and gets upset, just delete them. You could also put him in the 'acquaintance' box on FB and eliminate any possibility of him seeing your messages. You can also block him from posting anything on your page or emailing you... all without officially removing him. You just make him irrelevant. Then you can delete him sometime later when things cool off.
Phantom888 Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 First, you are too young to be a cougar. You have to be at least 35. Second, why all this drama before a relationship even happened? I mean, there is plenty room for that once you become a couple, but not before. What's with all this FB action? You really want your friends and family to witness this?
SJC2008 Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 He's a control freak and master manipulator. These types of men know what kind of women they need and start the head games early to see if you'll chase them and fit the bill. I pretty much guarentee you he's not going anywhere as it seems like he's got you eating out of the palm of your hand. Run for the hills and don't look back.
SJC2008 Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Why do you think you're a cougar? You're not even 30 for cryin outs.
SJC2008 Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 First, you are too young to be a cougar. You have to be at least 35. Second, why all this drama before a relationship even happened? I mean, there is plenty room for that once you become a couple, but not before. What's with all this FB action? You really want your friends and family to witness this? Ok I missed this. 35 to be a cougar? Rofl, mabye if we were in the 8th grade.
shexy Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Too long to read. Sorry. But I hate the term cougar. It's really a stupid term. It implies an older woman dating a younger man is some kind of aggressive predator or something, which is stupid.
SJC2008 Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Too long to read. Sorry. But I hate the term cougar. It's really a stupid term. It implies an older woman dating a younger man is some kind of aggressive predator or something, which is stupid. That may be the "textbook" definiton but when a guy sees a cougar he sees an older woman who's got it going on. Trust me, there is no thougt that she is the aggressor lol
shexy Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 That may be the "textbook" definiton but when a guy sees a cougar he sees an older woman who's got it going on. Trust me, there is no thougt that she is the aggressor lol So guys think older women that date younger guys are awesome or something?
Author Cougaryoungerman Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 Haha I just called myself a cougar, just in the terms of being older then him by 3 years, I know it's really not a big age gap. I think there is nothing wrong with being a Cougar, good on the women who are . I guess I really did get sucked in by a good looking man, who seemed to have a future and was too good to be true..l. Have been out of the dating game for 7 years, so It's all new to me still. I know there seems to be so much drama already, I just wanted to get to know him and see how it would develop or whatever. I did start to fall for him, hence I wanted to know what's going on and I turned to a forum. So just a typical player, I will just give him the flick then. I guess it's all part of the dating game. Thanks everyone
Author Cougaryoungerman Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 Oh yeah all the fb action is done via, the private inbox or by texting each other. It's certainly not on show for all to see.
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