Depression stage?

[rastamoose]

Is it human nature to feel so alone? So many of us have identical problems.

 

Anyway, I just had a 5 month relationship end a month this Saturday. I know 5 months is nothing compared to you guys, but it was the best 5 months I have had for a long time. At least that it what I told myself.

 

So far I have experienced the following....

 

1) Shock - It actually got to the point where I thought it had to be a dream. I know it sounds silly, but this breakup came out of nowhere.

 

2) Denial - I was convinced she made a mistake and that she would come back.

 

3) Bargaining - Yeah, I did a bit of praying. I'm not even religious.

 

4) Anger - I finally found things to be angry about. This was maybe my favorite stage. I can vent anger better than I can being sad.

 

I know she is not coming back in the near future. I know we are not meant for each other and she is maybe a bit too young and I came at the wrong time in her life. I know she will move on and have new boyfriends.

 

Most days I am ok and can be positive and happy. I have come a long way in a short time. I do think about her quite a bit, not to the point where I am looking for answers to why it ended.

 

I just feel lonely and scared I won't find the right person. This is what makes me sad. I obviously miss her and our relationship. I think I have broken the habit of being used to seeing her.

 

Every now and then I think of her and get sad. I keep thinking back to this one day out 5 weeks ago. We had such a great day out and now it's all over.

 

Am I at the depression stage? I don't really do being depressed. I'm not someone that really allows myself to get low and stay there for long. I have to keep moving forward. I do feel sad a few times a day though.

 

For those of you who are planning on going out with mates and drinking. Don't drink too much, you will get over emotional out of nowhere. I did that at the weekend

[ggas]

I think you are experiencing a normal stage. You probably don't miss the person but rather the feeling you had while the relationship was good. If the relationship was particularly intense at some point, like good conversations, awesome sex and lots of fun then it makes sense to be afraid that you won't find something like that. The thing is that before you found this girl most likely you did not even know that you could experience the emotions you experienced with her. But you see, this should be an indication that you don't know yet what future girls will make you feel like. I promise you that there will be a girl that will make you feel even more exalted than your ex ever did. After my ex ex left I was like, yeah I won't find anyone like that ever again. Then my ex came along and I was like, THIS IS IT! Now she's gone too and although sometimes I do get lonely and sad, it also makes me curious to see what my future love will bring new to the table. I think it's gonna be awesome.

 

As for how to deal on the short term with depression and loneliness, I suggest hanging out OR forcing yourself to do something productive like work, cleaning, cooking etc. It won't have much effect at first, but in time I'll guarantee you it will make you feel a whole lot better.

 

Keep busy and cheer up mate. Life is still good!

 

Love to all

[Legatus]

I can relate to your situation very much. I do not think about my ex anymore, at least not in a way to desire answers or explanations. Of course I get reminded of her because we lived together for a year.

 

Let me ask you a question. Are you afraid of being alone or lonely? Or both?

 

For me being alone and lonely are two different things. I've been alone before and I was always happy with my own company, sometimes I even need to be alone. Loneliness is a different story, I realized that at times I do not miss her, but the way I felt (in general, not towards her), the fact that there was someone waiting for me when I came from work etc.

 

You have to believe that being alone is not bad. When you are comfortable around yourself, when you are happy on your own, then you actually realize that you're not lonely, also thanks to your family and friends.

 

Moreover don't think, even for a second, that those feelings won't come back. They will! I can't believe how helpful those thoughts of the future are. I'm sure I'll find someone better and more suitable for me. Just thinking about it, and about what I'm going to do differently and better, makes me smile! You should try it!

[rastamoose]

This may sound weird. I think I just need that thought of having someone.

 

There were times when I was meant to see her, but could have happily stayed in my room on my own. Not saying I never wanted to see her, but I did enjoy doing my own things and just textin her.

 

I enjoyed her company a lot and loved our days out. I think I am yet to meet a girl that makes me want to see her every minute I have free.

 

I think I am a bit lazy and enjoy doing nothing on my own, only when I know I have someone.

 

Right now I wish I had someone, rather than being on my own.

[ggas]

Well,

 

I'm not afraid of being alone. Just like you, I've been "alone" before and quite happy with who I am and what I stand for. Happiness should come from inside and usually healthy relationships are those in which both partners are happy with themselves. I am afraid of being lonely, in the sense I am afraid of that state of mind where my happiness equates the presence of a partner or of an ex. Of course I try to fight it as hard as I can and really the only weapon I (we) have is family and friends. Family and friends are the only currency we actually have at the end of the day.

 

In fact, my ex admitted that she left because she was not happy with herself and that she was waaaaay too dependent on me and that she wanted her own circle of friends and so on and so forth.

 

About the future, well... I hope I can strike the right balance between happy on my own and happy with someone. It takes time I suppose but I am curious what the future holds and how my next partner will be like. Until I will start another relationship, I feel like I need to learn from ALL my previous relationships and explore different partners, sexually but also from a personality perspective so that I can figure out what I really want.

 

When I will feel comfortable with a girl, I will not hesitate of starting a relationship with her. So the secret I guess is patience. Lots and lots of patience. Especially if you are a career person. It is true that if you are career focused, it gets significantly harder to find suitable partners.

 

We'll be ok mate. Breakups are just a natural part of evolution. I never heard of anyone "failing in life" because of a breakup. We have to sail through keep our chin up and better ourselves.

 

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Life will be like "Whaaaat?"

[Legatus]

@ggas I have to admit your comments made me smile and wonder today! It's a very good way of thinking, making the next one a mystery. It's true you never know what world will bring to you, but considering the lessons we learnt - it can only be better and more interesting.

 

@rastamoose I second the fact that patience is now your friend. It will come to you but don't rush it. There's nothing wrong with tempting it (some day try to go out just out of curiosity, then meet someone) but do it by your schedule. No one else's!