jlola Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I don't think about this at all beyond the cursory observation of couples in love, giving off a happy glow. O, The only thing I can say is his obesity should be an issue because of his health. He should take care of it if he wants to live a full healthy life. I have a lot of friends and family in the medical field. I hear often how the people who did not take care of their health have such a hard time hen they are older, Diabetes ,hip problems,heart, etc. Makes it very difficult on the spouse. So even though you love him as is, you should encourage him to take better care of his health. Real love is a beautiful thing. Real love ants the best for those they love.
ASG Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Ah, the cultural brainwashing of political correctness...so you're saying you dated a man you weren't completely physically attracted to because you didn't want to be shallow...? Really...? It sounds more like you were more in love with being able to tell everyone that you're "not shallow" by dating him than you were with actually dating him... Talk about jumping to conclusions. As I said before, he is a very handsome man. I saw some pictures of him when he was NOT obese and OMG! I just didn't want to dismiss someone purely for being fat, because we had a whole lot of things in common. So I went out with him. This was before the first date, BTW. By the end of date 3 I was so attracted to him I couldn't keep away! But unfortunately, the being fat isn't just a physical problem. It seeps into everything else. So now I know that I am not compatible with obese men, because they can't keep up. And I can't deal with the complaining and the inaction! 2
Phantom888 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 My woman is full figured, blonde, buxom. I'm Asian, muscular, v-shaped (more or less). When we go out we get a lot of looks. But we look really great together. She has the most beautiful face I have ever seen (think young Linda Carter Wonder Woman with blonde hair and blue eyes). I am very satisfied with her appearance. I am in love with her beyond words. Her extra curves are so hot to me.
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 When I see overweight guy/fit girl, I assume he's loaded. When I see fit guy/overweight girl, I assume he's effeminate and can't do any better. But since neither scenario affects me, I say let them be happy. If they're happy, who are we to judge?
jlola Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 My woman is full figured, blonde, buxom. I'm Asian, muscular, v-shaped (more or less). When we go out we get a lot of looks. But we look really great together. She has the most beautiful face I have ever seen (think young Linda Carter Wonder Woman with blonde hair and blue eyes). I am very satisfied with her appearance. I am in love with her beyond words. Her extra curves are so hot to me. Full figured women can be very sexy as women usually put weight on in breast ,thighs and butt. many cultures embrace full figured women. Unfortunately for most men ,weight put mainly in stomach area. So the weight looks unevenly distributed.
FitChick Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I had a beautiful friend who dated a loser type of guy -- tall but very skinny, no energy, dead end job, no ambition, very critical of her, they hardly ever had sex. She later dumped him, thank God, and told me that she knew he'd never leave her. She needed that security at a low point in her life. Some of these couples didn't start out with a weight disparity. Often one gains a lot of weight (Pierce Brosnan's wife) or they start out fat and one finally sees the light and gets slim. The insecure one tends to be passive aggressive and they eventually break up.
TaraMaiden Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 More men suffer from visceral fat, than women do. it's how we're built. That's an inequality for which we CAN'T be held responsible.... Ergo, it's actually more dangerous for men to put on excessive weight than it is for women.... Our fat is easier to lose, in our younger years... Men need to focus on a good, balanced and healthy long-term regime - meaning a complete change of lifestyle - if they want to reverse the process and redress the balance. 1
TaraMaiden Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Ideally, you're aiming for your waist measurement (belly-button level) to be LESS than half your height. I don't possess scales, but how I feel, look and fit my clothes is an adequate measure of how I'm doing.
FitChick Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Ideally, you're aiming for your waist measurement (belly-button level) to be LESS than half your height. I got tired of men claiming to be "athletic and toned" when they had a beer belly so I worded it as "your waist measurement should be smaller than your chest." Your sentence above is equally clear. Of course, since a lot of men lie about their height, that might not be quite so reliable! 2
TaraMaiden Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 (precisely... especially as it seems that 5'9" is the 'new short'... )
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 (precisely... especially as it seems that 5'9" is the 'new short'... ) Most guys are 1-2 inches shorter than they claim. I've seen guys claim 6'0" when they're really 5'10". 6'0" is around my eyebrows. 5'10" is around the bottom of my nose.
tbf Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 More men suffer from visceral fat, than women do. it's how we're built. That's an inequality for which we CAN'T be held responsible....Ha ha...agreed. Ergo, it's actually more dangerous for men to put on excessive weight than it is for women.... Arguable. Our fat is easier to lose, in our younger years...Not true. Visceral fat is easier to lose than subcutaneous fat, regardless of biological gender. Men need to focus on a good, balanced and healthy long-term regime - meaning a complete change of lifestyle - if they want to reverse the process and redress the balance.So should women.
TaraMaiden Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Hmmm...interesting.... I'd have my nose in your belly-button, right now.....
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Hmmm...interesting.... I'd have my nose in your belly-button, right now..... Which means your lips would be...
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Hmmm....! You're brighter than you look...... Even I got that one. 1
mesmerized Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I don't want to be perceived this way, but this is what I expect. The thing is that I do have men, especially at the gym, but in every aspect of my life, hitting on me. It's daily. And as a matter of fact I just got through a sexual harassment case in which my boss was encouraged to resign. It gets real old. I have very nice looking, fit and successful men show interest, but at the end of the date, I'm missing this guy. I just prefer to be around him. Im crazy over him. I've been dating other people for a year, hoping this big guy would come around or I'd meet someone else I like as much. He's different than all the other guys and I appreciate that. He's been a challenge for me. But why has he resisted me when all others come so easy......now that he is finally coming around and letting me in, I'm afraid some of this is why. I'm not generally attracted to men like him, I just really like him. The sex is great and we've been having good sex for a year now and I'm not tired of it. He doesn't shower me with attention, buy me flowers, take me out to fancy dinners, and I like the fact he isn't trying to impress me. I appreciate everyone's responses. Thank you for taking the time. I'm really trying to understand what I'm doing here. Not that I care what people think too much, but I feel like these issues have already affected our relationship and got the feeling the other night he was feeling bad about it. I love him and don't want it to be an issue. How can a 400 pound man give great sex?? Sorry but if you reject legit successful men for this guy who doesn't even seem to care enough about you, there is something terribly wrong with you here or you are just lying to us. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 How can a 400 pound man give great sex?? Sorry but if you reject legit successful men for this guy who doesn't even seem to care enough about you, there is something terribly wrong with you here or you are just lying to us. I have a feeling this could be a troll thread. 2
todreaminblue Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 (edited) i think where there is a problem is energy levels..... some people who carry extra weight have higher energy levels than others....and lifestyle.....fitter people tend to love outdoors, overweight people love indoors..... and i do see problems there.......you have to be in the same place to build a relationship i dont think it should matter what others think ...... i carry extra weight.......i have dated and had long term relationships with guys who play sport......body build..i enjoy sports.......when i am happy i am high energy, ill always have hips,also a tummy courtesy of five kids....my ex liked ti when i dropped weight...i dont think it was a body thing more an energy thing.......a healthy live life thing........and even though i am high energy i want to be lighter so i can do the things i love to do nto for any guy to like me....i wanna bungeeeee...smilin........without a look at that whale comments......that no matter how thick skinned you are, they hurt even if it doesnt show outwardly that the comments hit home base eventually.... what others say shouldn't matter....i said that first....but the fact is....it erodes who you are whether you want it to or not........constant ridicule or looks....... others shouldnt judge.....but unfortunately they always will....i think you have to have a strength together to cope with beliefs held by others...and stand strong with what you believe and who you love is completely your own choice...not others choices...stuff them, their snotty looks and comments and their narrow mindedness stuff all of it....be with who you love......best wishes.................deb Edited July 4, 2013 by todreaminblue
soccerrprp Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I agree with todreaminblue. Energy level and lifestyle. I am very active, athletic and fit. I lift and workout daily, vegetarian (try to eat healthy. partner need not be vegetarian) and anyone that doesn't want to "share" in that lifestyle is not compatible for me. Top three/four qualities I look for before delving deeply into their personality and can be comfortably discovered early on even before meeting: 1. Physical lifestyle 2. Politics, view of world 3. Views on child-rearing 4. Feelings about intimacy 1
krz12 Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Does this same theory apply to guys with, say, bad skin, baldness, or other similar facial or body features other than weight?
kaylan Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 When I see couples like described in the OP, I wonder if the fit person settled on their sexual desires in order just to find someone decent. And I also wonder how long it is before the fit person starts to desire someone of similar lifestyle and looks as them. I couldnt date a really big girl myself, and its of course partly because slimmer girls are just hotter in my view. But its also because I want to date someone who can be active with me, play sports, and hit the gym. You know, having those things in common is important to me. This all being said, everyone is attracted to different things, so while I do think that the fit person in a fit-fat couple may have wandering eyes sometime, I cannot say they dont find their partner hot.
ChessPieceFace Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Woah, you must really hate yourself. Umm. Well I hate my metabolism, where I eat 1-2 meals a day and am hovering at 60 pounds overweight. Gonna be a long road of serious deprivation to get in shape. I've done it before but I needed a concrete reason -- was traveling to meet a girl several months off so I stuck to a punitive diet. For all the good that complete disaster of a date was. The best of intentions leading to the worst of results. That was probably the day I gave up entirely. I don't go to water parks or take my shirt off in public. I certainly wouldn't date anyone in this condition. I also wouldn't date until I had a good job & income, and a general life I was proud of. Of course these failings rarely seem to stop other guys I know from dating and having "success." But some of the fat guys I know are with fat chicks. I guess that's fair, but I don't see the point of it. If you aren't going to try to be attractive, why bother?
Star Gazer Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 So, curious how people think/perceive couples like this or how you would feel if you were obese and being pursued my fitness junkie. I actually noticed this today, but not the way you described. I rarely - and I mean, rarely - see grossly mismatched couples physically. Occasionally, I'll see a guy with a beer belly with a woman who has a great figure, but for the most part, a couple's figures are on par with one another. I noticed this today at the grocery store. It started with my observations of what was in bigger people's carts (tons of junk, soda, etc.) compared to more fit-looking people's carts (primarily produce, lean meats). It was as if I could have matched the cart to the person. Then, I started noticing the couples. Fat couples, athletic couples, average couples. I could have paired them up too, as thought it was a game: "Find the missing partner!" Long story short: Fitness/healthy eating (or a lack thereof) is a part of a lifestyle for which most a couple ought to be fundamentally compatible, IMO. So yeah, if I saw a fitness model/competitor in a romantic relationship with a morbidly obese man, I'd think: HUH?!
TaraMaiden Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Umm. Well I hate my metabolism, where I eat 1-2 meals a day and am hovering at 60 pounds overweight. Gonna be a long road of serious deprivation to get in shape. I've done it before but I needed a concrete reason -- was traveling to meet a girl several months off so I stuck to a punitive diet. For all the good that complete disaster of a date was. The best of intentions leading to the worst of results. That was probably the day I gave up entirely. I don't go to water parks or take my shirt off in public. I certainly wouldn't date anyone in this condition. I also wouldn't date until I had a good job & income, and a general life I was proud of. Of course these failings rarely seem to stop other guys I know from dating and having "success." But some of the fat guys I know are with fat chicks. I guess that's fair, but I don't see the point of it. If you aren't going to try to be attractive, why bother? Stop whingeing and read this: And I recommend you get the book too. It's extremely well-researched, documented and referenced. It's actually the first book I've read on 'losing weight' that is clear, honest, concise and absolutely blindingly logical. It's not a diet, it's a regime. A lifetime one. but one I believe every human being would do well to follow. 1
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