Eternal Sunshine Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I've never seen this. I've seen rail-thin guys with fat women though. I don't understand it. I don't really understand anyone being with a fat person. It's like they just gave up trying for anything better. And I say that as a single fat person. Woah, you must really hate yourself.
Author Ophelia11 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 If I see a fit woman with a 400 pounds man I'd think damn she is desperate! To me someone who is that obese can't have an amazing personality either. That just screams low standards. I don't want to be perceived this way, but this is what I expect. The thing is that I do have men, especially at the gym, but in every aspect of my life, hitting on me. It's daily. And as a matter of fact I just got through a sexual harassment case in which my boss was encouraged to resign. It gets real old. I have very nice looking, fit and successful men show interest, but at the end of the date, I'm missing this guy. I just prefer to be around him. Im crazy over him. I've been dating other people for a year, hoping this big guy would come around or I'd meet someone else I like as much. He's different than all the other guys and I appreciate that. He's been a challenge for me. But why has he resisted me when all others come so easy......now that he is finally coming around and letting me in, I'm afraid some of this is why. I'm not generally attracted to men like him, I just really like him. The sex is great and we've been having good sex for a year now and I'm not tired of it. He doesn't shower me with attention, buy me flowers, take me out to fancy dinners, and I like the fact he isn't trying to impress me. I appreciate everyone's responses. Thank you for taking the time. I'm really trying to understand what I'm doing here. Not that I care what people think too much, but I feel like these issues have already affected our relationship and got the feeling the other night he was feeling bad about it. I love him and don't want it to be an issue.
Emilia Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 He's different than all the other guys and I appreciate that. He's been a challenge for me. But why has he resisted me when all others come so easy...... The fact that this is what you are chasing is a big problem in my opinion.
USMCHokie Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I'm not generally attracted to men like him, I just really like him. The sex is great and we've been having good sex for a year now and I'm not tired of it. He doesn't shower me with attention, buy me flowers, take me out to fancy dinners, and I like the fact he isn't trying to impress me. So he's a FWB that you're trying to turn into more...?
iris219 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 When I was single and I'd see mismatched couples, I was slightly envious. I'd think how nice it would be to be able to be genuinely attracted to an obese and/or unattractive man. It would have opened up more opportunities and made dating a lot easier. 1
Author Ophelia11 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 So he's a FWB that you're trying to turn into more...? Well, I guess it depends how you look at it. He cooks me dinner often, and its better than any restaurant. He came to my family Christmas...... Yeah..... I guess. I've always wanted more.
Emilia Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 When I was single and I'd see mismatched couples, I was slightly envious. I'd think how nice it would be to be able to be genuinely attracted to an obese and/or unattractive man. It would have opened up more opportunities and made dating a lot easier. :laugh: 1
ASG Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Had better looking men tried to "steal you away" from him? steal me away??? I am not sure what you mean by that...
ASG Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Yep. This will inevitably start happening. The fitter of the two will try to change the other, slowly growing resentful and regretful of the relationship. In my relationship I didn't try to change him. In fact, he made it quite clear his weight was taboo and I was not allowed to comment on it And I never did. but he was *always* complaining about being too fat, too in pain, too this, too that. I did grow resentful. Not because he was fat in itself, but because he kept complaining about it and doing NOTHING to fix it.
Emilia Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Not because he was fat in itself, but because he kept complaining about it and doing NOTHING to fix it. the two were related
TaraMaiden Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 steal me away??? I am not sure what you mean by that... If you look at his post, what I think he's asking you is whether some fit hunk ever tried to woo you away from your large partner, while you were with him, in order to convince you they were a far better catch.
Author Ophelia11 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 Had better looking men tried to "steal you away" from him? This happened the other night to me. I pretty much get hit on in front of him often when we go out. He's not real affectionate, and especially not in public, so people don't just know we are together.
TaraMaiden Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 (But...you're not 'together'....but what does he say? How does he take it? because, realistically, you could.....)
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 This happened the other night to me. I pretty much get hit on in front of him often when we go out. He's not real affectionate, and especially not in public, so people don't just know we are together. What exactly is it that you like about this guy? He doesn't sound like much of a "catch" from anything you've described here thus far. 3
ASG Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 the two were related Yes, definitely! And I'm not gonna lie... I'd much rather he wasn't fat. In fact, I considered not dating him because of it, but there were other interesting things about him, so I decided to give it a go (and try to not be shallow ) But the constant complaining, while I wasn't allowed to say anything, and just the grumpiness that came with it turned out to be too much. It wasn't the only reason we broke up, but it's definitely one of them And it also made me realise that I will never ever date another obese person ever again. 1
jlola Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I am going to ask you this. Are you sexually attracted to this man no matter what his size? If you can honestly say you are then Perhaps this can work. I had an over the top gorgeous friend who would date "not so attractive men". She did have low self esteem and all the good looking men she turned down were puzzled. Interestingly she hated sex and dealt" with it because it was what it took to have a relationship. She was never sexually attracted to any of these men. A relationship has many dimensions, but sexual compatibility is important. I thin many women give up sexaul compatibility because they want a relationship. But they also want a man they know will not cheat. If that is not the case with you both than I do not see a problem.
ASG Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 If you look at his post, what I think he's asking you is whether some fit hunk ever tried to woo you away from your large partner, while you were with him, in order to convince you they were a far better catch. Yeah... I kinda figured... But it still makes no sense... The short answer is no. But we didn't date too long and, because of his fatness, my ex was not the most sociable, so I ended up going out without him more often than not, so not a lot of opportunities for that to happen arose. But I knew I could do better than him, in terms of fitness.
Author Ophelia11 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 (But...you're not 'together'....but what does he say? How does he take it? because, realistically, you could.....) He ignores it...... And I guess we have not been "together," all along, but for the last month or so I'd say we are. I've stopped talking and dating all other men, and told him so. We've been spending more time together, he's finally met my kids. He's also one of my brothers' best friends. I think he knows I'm only interested in him and I don't think he feels threatened and if he is, doesn't show it. He's more concerned with how I respond.
Author Ophelia11 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 I am going to ask you this. Are you sexually attracted to this man no matter what his size? If you can honestly say you are then Perhaps this can work. I had an over the top gorgeous friend who would date "not so attractive men". She did have low self esteem and all the good looking men she turned down were puzzled. I am very sexually attracted to him. And I love sex. That's the big factor here. I have only met one other person over the course of this last year that I felt a sexual connection toward and he was married, so no-go.
Emilia Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I am very sexually attracted to him. And I love sex. That's the big factor here. I have only met one other person over the course of this last year that I felt a sexual connection toward and he was married, so no-go. So would you say you have sexual attraction to men who aren't readily available for you?
USMCHokie Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 ...and try to not be shallow... Ah, the cultural brainwashing of political correctness...so you're saying you dated a man you weren't completely physically attracted to because you didn't want to be shallow...? Really...? It sounds more like you were more in love with being able to tell everyone that you're "not shallow" by dating him than you were with actually dating him... 1
Author Ophelia11 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 So would you say you have sexual attraction to men who aren't readily available for you? Both men are readily available sexually. Maybe not so much emotionally. I've had many opportunities other than these two men however.
Emilia Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Both men are readily available sexually. Maybe not so much emotionally. I've had many opportunities other than these two men however. Doesn't that worry you that the common theme appears to be emotional unavailability? You seem to value those that are not interested in you emotionally.
tbf Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 So, curious how people think/perceive couples like this or how you would feel if you were obese and being pursued my fitness junkie.I don't think about this at all beyond the cursory observation of couples in love, giving off a happy glow.
Author Ophelia11 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 Doesn't that worry you that the common theme appears to be emotional unavailability? You seem to value those that are not interested in you emotionally. I don't know. I probably don't really mean that. The big guy has been unavailable to me in ways, but I do think he's emotionally involved. The married guy seems far more emotional and expressive, and has stated he believes we are meant for each other...he's going to leave his wife, blah blah... I'm just not impressed by cheaters, although I'm sexually attracted to him.
Recommended Posts