stupid1 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I had kids with an impossible to live with psychopath. After years of abuse and seeing our kids witness so much unacceptable violence I had to leave. I spent the next several years in court fighting for any bit of visitation with the kids I could get. Meanwhile I then met up with an old friend from grade school and started(unfairly no doubt)a relationship which selfishly brought me much needed escape and comfort from the hell my ex was putting me through. We had our ups and downs but love blossomed nonetheless . Then the situation made a horrible turn. Contact with the ex is almost unavoidable due to exchanging the kids for visitation ect. Anyways I really messed up and let my ex perform oral after she begged and promised to let me have more time with my kids, stop being so difficult, ect. Granted I should've known better but I gave in and went home wrecked with guilt. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse over the next several months my ex blackmailed me to repeat the acts about five more times under threat of telling. When I would try to put my foot down she would text things that I would have to deny and play off like it was the ex being psyco ect. Finally I just couldn't handle it anymore even though the thought of breaking the heart of my oldest and dearest friend was killing me. I mustard up the courage and told her myself. She was devastated .Now I sit here sad, sorry, and alone and cant help but feel mabey I shouldn't of told her at all . Ironically the ex has finally found someone else .
underwater2010 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Yes you did the right thing by telling her. And you are getting exactly what you deserve. How the heck could you have sex of any kind with a KNOWN psychopath? You could have recorded all the blackmail and taken her to court, but chose another path. What kind of support are you looking for here?
leedlee1 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Sorry you are going through this. Are you still able to visit your kids? How do you know she is seeing somebody else?
BetrayedH Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Coming clean was your only decent path. Your only other choice was to go further into the rabbit hole, keep lying, and try to take it to the grave (which hardly ever works because of the huge lie you would have had between you). You've statistically doubled your chances of being able to reconcile with your significant other by your voluntary disclosure rather than being caught. But that's just the beginning. What else are you doing? You've got some serious heavy lifting to do for a while if you want to "fix" this.
TaraMaiden Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I don't believe a word of it. "mustard up the courage?" Nope. No a word of it.
oldshirt Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Nope I'm not buying it either. My d!ck has never been anywhere I didn't want it to be. Especially anywhere involving pcychos and teeth. You wanted a hummer (6 times no less) and are just trying to make excuses and justify it after the fact. That's assuming this post is the least bit honest to begin with. I call BS.
Author stupid1 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 This post IS the truth. There are sorted details which were left out for brievity sake, but I have no reason to lie anymore. I know that it sounds like im trying to justify my stupidity after the fact and mayby there is a bit of that but why would I bother it doesn't change anything. I still feel horrible for breaking her heart which is why I lied to her in the first place. I came clean cause I couldn't let my ex continue with that power it was bound to only get worse.
beach Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 A person is defined by their actions. I wouldn't choose to date someone who claimed they cut all ties with an ex - and hated her - then gave evidence of allowing her to suck his penis. Your words and actions don't match. That's always going to show dishonesty on your part. You may not be capable of fixing this with the new gal - but you can learn from it, not to do it this way again. 1
TaraMaiden Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 This post IS the truth. There are sorted details which were left out for brievity sake, but I have no reason to lie anymore. I know that it sounds like im trying to justify my stupidity after the fact and mayby there is a bit of that but why would I bother it doesn't change anything. I still feel horrible for breaking her heart which is why I lied to her in the first place. I came clean cause I couldn't let my ex continue with that power it was bound to only get worse. Stupidity can't be justified. You should have told your 'old friend' the first time she 'demanded' to give you a blow job.... Thinking about that - why would she do that? If I was your psycho ex-, I'd get you to *ph.uc.k me senseless and give me multiple orgasms. I wouldn't want to do anything for you.... How can she blackmail you, into giving you BJ's - when it's you who wants something? That's why I don't believe a word of this.
beach Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Stupidity can't be justified. You should have told your 'old friend' the first time she 'demanded' to give you a blow job.... Thinking about that - why would she do that? If I was your psycho ex-, I'd get you to *ph.uc.k me senseless and give me multiple orgasms. I wouldn't want to do anything for you.... How can she blackmail you, into giving you BJ's - when it's you who wants something? That's why I don't believe a word of this. Maybe he was the one asking for it? Although, IF a woman wants to hold some power over a man - the fastest way to manipulate is to give a bj. But then - he would need to unzip his pants. He would also need to be present, in front of her, in order to make sure that happened. I don't know too many men that go to the gal they hate and participate that way.
TaraMaiden Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Anyways I really messed up and let my ex perform oral after she begged and promised to let me have more time with my kids, stop being so difficult, ect. Granted I should've known better but I gave in and went home wrecked with guilt. The implication here, is that she begged to let her give him oral.
beach Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 The implication here, is that she begged to let her give him oral. Ya, I get that. I could beg a man all day long - and IF he had a boundary - he would never say yes.
TaraMaiden Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Ya, I get that. I could beg a man all day long - and IF he had a boundary - he would never say yes. precisely. Whatever the circumstances, the OP had absolutely no NEED to accede to her 'demands'. All it takes is a smattering of honour and a healthy dose of integrity. Plus a visit to the courts if she'd started playing stupid mare....
TaraMaiden Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 .Now I sit here sad, sorry, and alone ....Ironically the ex has finally found someone else . Ah. No more blow-jobs then...... That sucks, and obviously, not in a good way. Are you seeing more of your kids?
BetrayedH Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 This post IS the truth. There are sorted details which were left out for brievity sake, but I have no reason to lie anymore. I know that it sounds like im trying to justify my stupidity after the fact and mayby there is a bit of that but why would I bother it doesn't change anything. I still feel horrible for breaking her heart which is why I lied to her in the first place. I came clean cause I couldn't let my ex continue with that power it was bound to only get worse. So again I ask, what heavy lifting are you doing to make up for your wrongs? I have a myriad of suggestions but it would help to know where you are starting from.
Author stupid1 Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 well it was under the guise of her letting me see the kids more and not being so unreasonable about my new relationship (man was that a crock) anyways she did allow an overnite but it was only because it was convienent for her at the time. When i refused to let her do it again she kept the kids from me and started in with the threats to tell my girlfriend. Understand that that I do love my girlfriend but I love my kids too and miss them dearly as my ex had wrangled full custody out of the courts. I would go months without seeing them and felt desperate and hopeless. Theres another aspect of the first time in that a part of me actully felt sorry for my ex watching her reduce herself to begging and all( man what an idiot i am). I had known my girlfriend for over 30yrs and it broke her heart. so now we are sepparated and i feel so ashamed .She did however leave me a note of hope which i discovered today it said " sometimes you have to take a step back to take two steps forward and that she still loves me" I am not worthy.
Author stupid1 Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 actually here in far northern California(no law north of the Klamath is the common expression) the courts are extremely anti father and all it takes is an acusation and they issue a restraining order, next thing you know they put you in front of an already biased judge and its done, custody gone. But anyways yes after my ex got pregenant it was as if a switch was flipped and she became something else and that baby became nothing but a weapon before it was even borne. I spent years being subjected to the most horrible and humiliating behaviors for the sake of being there for our kid. Including being coerced into fathering another one because as she put it "her biological clock was ticking and I was her sperm doner" .After years of violence and abuse I finally had to run because I could see that our kids were witness to too many things that were potentially harmful and the only way it was gonna stop was if I left . at that point I had no idea just how unfair the courts were toward men especially ones who claimed "they" were the ones being abused. I was literally laughed at by law enforcement when I would try and explain what was going on. It seems that around here if your a man you cannot be a victim. As far as the BJ thing I can see now that it was the easiest quickest thing for her to do to gain power over me again. She would say things like "it wasn't really cheating" "its just a blow job" ect. Believe me I know it was wrong and I wish I could take it back but whats done is done. Im not looking for sympathy here I geuss im just looking for some kind of advice of where to go from here. or maybey im just venting for my own sanity before I go postal . I have never known hatred until now but I could never do that to our kids,
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