mistake Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I will try to keep this as short as possible. My girlfriend and I were together for 3 years. We are in our thirties. We fell in love quite fast, and decided she would move into my house who I had shared with my ex at one time. We both had children from our previous relationship. Our love for each other was so deep, I can't tell you how much I love her and her me. She always referred to me as her soulmate. We began having problems after about a year and decided to go to councelling. That went well and we learned a lot. Fast forward to this past winter and things for her got difficult to live in the house and she decided she would get her own place. We decided we would still be together. That lasted about a month and we broke up. We continued to talk because of our love for one another. We would get together intimately always ending in sadness for the fact it had gotten to this. A month ago she said she was having a difficult time dealing with not being together and she had made a mistake in moving out. I felt the same and we decided to have a talk. This is where I made the biggest mistake of my life. She poured her heart out to me and really wanted to make it work and was willing to do a lot to make it work. She wanted to be a family again. And I turned around and said I wasn't willing to make certain sacrifices for the relationship. Looking back I was being stubborn and selfish. I can't believe I did this to the women I loved more than I had ever loved before. I left her crying on the couch. I was devastated that the relationship was over but in my mind I thought I was doing it for the right reasons. Well she continued to have contact with me and we were intimate together a few times. We texted and spoke frequently. She confided in a mutual female friend that she couldn't live without me a week ago. Through a lot of soul searching and talking with family I realize I wasn't treating the relationship equally. I wasn't taking her feelings into consideration because I thought she was just being unreasonable. This past weekend I told her I wanted to make things work. I apologized for everything and explained that I was wrong in so many ways and that I have seen the error of my ways. I really have changed, it's like a light bulb has come on and I see things clearly now. I want to be with her and I want to be a family again. I love her children, they call me dad still. (they are young) I love this women unconditionally. She is my soulmate I have never cried for a women, but I balled like a baby. I felt so horrible for the agony I had put her through. I told her all of these things, I left everything on the table. I poured my heart out to her. We both cried a lot. She told me she loves me so much and she misses me, but she says she needs some time to think through this. She says she has to make the best possible decision for her kids and herself. It has been 3 days and I haven't slept or eaten anything. I'm now the one in agony, the same agony I put her through. She says she is sorry to put me through this, but she just needs time to think. She says her head is spinning and she needs to think straight. I feel like my mistake is going to come back to haunt me. I feel like she may not trust that I can change. I wasn't an ******* it was just differences we had in parenting and what we wanted in life. But I know now I was just projecting my old relationship into this one and not trusting. I feel I may lose her and theres nothing I can do. I have to just wait and I know I may not deserve this, but I know we can have a beautiful life together. Because just a month ago she told me the same thing. I can't even think straight anymore and I know i need sleep and to eat. I can't bear to lose her and her kids, I love them so much. I know I made the biggest mistake of my life letting her go a month ago. I don't understand why she can't make a decision when a week ago she couldn't live without me. Thanks for letting me share.
Maverick1983 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Maybe she is trying to teach you a lesson by showing you how she felt and how difficult it can be when the other person in a relationship is being unreasonable. You should take this on the chin and allow her this time to think.Im sure she probably wants to dive back in but for that very reason isn't doing so.Sometimes taking a step back and evaluating things is the best thing one can do and you should take this time to do the same.You both have a lot to offer eachother by the sounds of it so hopefully things will work out but give her time and make sure this is for the best. 1
Author mistake Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 My family and friends have said the same thing that she will come back. To just give her time, but I keep thinking of the worst possible scenario. Which would be her calling me and saying she can't do this. I can't bear not knowing what she is thinking. My future that I want so badly with her lays in her hands.
aloneinaz Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 You need to stop making this a life or death situation. Yes, it's hard, painful and hurts like hell but it's part of life. It's YOUR decision on how you cope with this time. The other thing I thought about while reading this was there appeared to be many red flags for long term compatibility. She moves in then moves out. You break up you get back together. Have you TRULY stepped back and asked yourself if you're compatible with her? There are many, many couples who are deeply in love with each other but have to break up because they are simply not compatible to be together. There are people out there that you may be able to live with that's not so much work..
Maverick1983 Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 My family and friends have said the same thing that she will come back. To just give her time, but I keep thinking of the worst possible scenario. Which would be her calling me and saying she can't do this. I can't bear not knowing what she is thinking. My future that I want so badly with her lays in her hands. That's only natural mate but in all truth you need to stop torturing yourself and use this time to see how things can be better and how you can avoid a repeat of this in the future as I'm sure she will ask you what will change if she comes back? You need to be able to reassure her that this time it will be great so you need to seriously think about how the both of ye are going to live together happily and not go through this again. You need to plan what to say but more importantly you have to mean it too. You need to strip it all down and decide what needs to change to make things work. You both clearly love eachother but a lot of people forget that even the best relationships need work and sometimes we neglect that fact
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