Instant Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 (edited) Hello everyone, well here's the thing. I met a girl on the phone a year or so ago, because my aunt (acquaintance of her) wanted me to meet her. I wasn't really interested but I was getting out of a toxic relationship and was eager to meet new girls. Funny thing is that thanks to my aunt being pushy we started talking sporadically(she would call her everytime I went to visit her) Finally in one conversation I decided to ask for her fb. we would chat sporadically, but we had great conversations. I really didn't realise up until now, but she was very interested. A year passed and we decided that it would be nice for us to meet in person, so we went on our first date. I was very calm , she was prettier in person, everything went by naturally, I felt something nice, but I went with the intention of taking everything slow. Like always, something I never expected to happen.. well, happened. I walked her home and hugged her goodbye, then we kept babbling about the fun we had, and we hugged goodbye again, and we both kissed accidentally, then we just couldn't stop kissing each other(tongue included, for her part, and I followed). We were both confused but pleasently surprised as it just "happened" naturally. we kept in contact as I was studying as she was working. we went out on a second date a few days later. we went to the beach and we had a great time. then a week passed by and everything was going smoothly. We agreed on a third date . Here I decided to tell her that i liked her, but just that, i wasn't expecting anything in return, just to make clear what I said the first time we kissed(I was confused but pleasently surprised). Then she's started telling me how insecure she was emotionally speaking, and that she didn't know how to react to those things. everything went good, we kept in touch and agreed on a fourth date,everything was going smoothly. On the fourth date I told her again that I liked her, and that i wanted to take things smooth and slowly, she agreed but gave me a big speech on how she was so vulnerable on relationships, its ups and downs affected her work and life she kept saying. I think i made myself clear without putting pressure on her. We hold hands, make out and cuddle as of date 2. After the date she started 2 conversations asking how my day was going, and we communicated like we always did, but here is when things radically changed. She was very nervous about her final exam to get her degree(yes she is 4 years older than me, ) and I gave her my support everytime I could, I didn't want her to lose focus beacause of me. I took it normally as I would do the same. I left her two messages and she didn't answer them back. and then she just disappeared until she passed the exam. I left her one final message of congratulations on her passing the exam and getting her title. She finally answered my message and told me she was very nervous and she couldn't handle the pressure, etc. She was very grateful of my being somewhat there in despite of her silence. So I asked her, If the silence was because of something, and she told me she was very concentrated studying for the exam. and well I told her that I was glad everything went well. Now two weeks have passed from the last day I talked to her.and I think that after the exam our dinamic changed, she wont leave any message and she basically disappeared. I don't know if she lost interest in me, but I think that I don't want to pressure her at all, Im going to go on with my life. Im a serious person and from what she told me , I always expected some kind of closure if she's not into me anymore, she always said that its better to talk things off straight. Now im hanging , cause after the forth date I really thought this thing was worth giving the try. Edited July 4, 2013 by Instant adding info
KatZee Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 No one really knows what the deal is except for her, but maybe she only wanted something casual and you were coming off super "boyfriend'y" from the beginning and that's not what she was looking for.
soccerrprp Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Seriously, who knows? There are so many permutations that one could go batty thinking about them all. Yeah, just move on.
Author Instant Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 Probably been badly hurt in the past and is terrified of relationships. I fell for a girl like this and it doesn't end well. The thing is that you can have as great a time as you like when you're together, and because it's so great it feels natural to hold hands and act like a couple, but when you go back whilst you're thinking "hey this is great, I really like this girl", she's thinking "oh **** I think I like this guy, **** **** ****, what if I get hurt, I've got to keep my distance." It's a really fine line and I didn't walk it correctly with the girl I dated. Once she realises that she really likes you she immediately starts putting up barriers to not like you. All I can suggest is not putting pressure on her for commitment but being there enough that she grows to trust you as she falls, but it's difficult and any false step could bring the whole house of cards tumbling down. Good luck my friend! This is pretty much how I feel about the whole situation, and indeed she was badly hurt in the past. Hope it ends on a good note, thanks for the advice
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