Newly broken up

July 4, 2013

I am 16 years old living in Canada and he is 18, almost 19 living in the state of Arizona but very recently moved to California. We've been dating for 8 months and talking constantly for 10.

We met in person for the first time 3 months into our relationship in a different state with our mutual internet friends. I can honestly say that it was the best, most exciting and anticipated day of my life. From there, it only got better. He visited me a month later in my city where he met my parents. Two months after that I visited him in his city. He lives alone. Big difference for me because of how much more mature and on his own he is. Regardless, It was more than perfect.

However, we would constantly get into silly fights because of my jealousy along with his poor communication on the topic. There was only one time in our 6th month of being together that I had considered breaking up with him. It had to do with a girl who was coming in the way, and he wouldn't stop her. I knew he loved me but I really wanted her to just back off. But anyways, the problems with this girl stopped but aroused again but ended a few weeks ago when we made a compromise.

Things were fine up until his move to California. I was always worried about this as I knew there were more opportunities for him there. Especially with other girls. I accepted that I would have to adjust things like having not such constant communication with him like I was used to for the previous 7.5 months of dating. His life is way different from mine. I'm in my junior year of high school and he's perusing his career and living on his own. It really was different but it was a cool and interesting life he and and I wanted more than anything to be part of that. His life was all figured out and I was still deciding on mine.

We broke up just last night officially and well, I'm devastated to say the least. I couldn't sleep or eat for the past 3 days of the discussions of breaking up.

It may sound silly to some people, but I really thought we had to potential to be great and I don't know, last a much longer time than it did. You're probably thinking thats crazy for someone to think for being so young but I really, really liked him. Being LDR made us connect in such an amazing way because we knew so much about each other. No one has ever made me feel so amazing, honestly. I'm pretty sure I experienced love with him. It was just so strong, what we had. What we had was special and neither of us can deny it. He was my first boyfriend after all, and I had experienced my first kiss with him too. He's always going to be special for that reason and I'm never going to forget it. I was ready to give my virginity to him and to continue this path to one day having a future. However, he was not ready for the commitment it would take to get to that time where we don't have to be long distance anymore. He told me that he wants more than anything to have me in his life, but he can't. And that's why he broke it off.

We talked a lot after his decision was made and he ensured me that it was nothing he or I could have fixed. He just couldn't provide to me the same confidence in us that I could to the relationship.

I'm upset because I am scared to be alone again. I gave up a lot for him. I did all that I could to make this relationship last but he just couldn't. I had dreams of having a future together after I graduate high school. But he just couldn't wait for me anymore. I don't know what I'm trying to ask here, but was it for the better? I'm having a hard time deciding if it was or not. Sure I realize I'm young, but I'm going to miss him so much and I don't think I'm ready for what's about to come with a breakup. I don't know what to expect especially as I have never lost anyone dear to me. We had so much planned and so much we wanted to experience together and it hurts me that I'll never be able to do those with him.

I really thought we had the potential to be great.

Maybe I was just too young to take on such a complicated relationship. It was really hard to make the money with my minimum wage paying weekend busboy job and it was hard for my parents too as they wanted to keep me safe. I wasn't able to purchase anything for myself, as I always thought I should save for airfare. I guess it just wasn't right for the time and I'm really trying to accept that. It's just hard on me because I was supposed to have him come here in just 12 days and we were going to spend the next 26 together. Maybe our lifestyles were just far too different.

Any thoughts to make me feel a bit better about the loss of my best friend and lover? Was it for the better? I keep going through phases of sadness, to hatred then to acceptance and I'm unsure of how to cope with such a new feeling to me. Should I stop all interactions?

Edited July 4, 2013 by girlystuff16

July 4, 2013

I am also in Canada and recently had my Arizona boy leave me after 5 years. I think in your case it was for the best now you can persue someone that lives close to you, I know it's hard but that's what I look forward too. And your so young it would of taken a long time like I said mine was five years and there was no end to the distance in sight yet not even close its much too hard when your younger and you would have to give up so much. End contact, don't break it, it sets you back really does.

July 4, 2013

First off, I want to commend you on how mature you seem to be for such a young age. There are not many girls your age that act like that and that's something you should be proud of.

I'm sorry to hear things just didn't work out, it sucks when distance gets the best of us. I can assure you however, that this to shall pass. You will pick yourself up from these down times.

As I tell many people and from my own personal experience, the best thing you can do is cut off contact with him. I know you will not lose those feelings for him if you still stay in touch with him everyday and you won't ever be able to let go. Delete him off of everything: cell phone, skype, pictures, facebook, etc, etc.

I am warning you in advanced that it does take some getting used to. I was in an LDR for 7 months where we would talk day in and day out constantly. After we split, my phone has stopped ringing and vibrating a lot less because she was the only one I would really talk to on a daily basis. Just know that it will get better. As the weeks pass, you will slowly start losing your feelings for him.

It is still summer time, make the most of it! Try to get out there. I'm not sure what the driving age is in Canada, but sometimes taking a "joy ride" around town and listening to the radio can work wonders.

Try to hang out with people local near you, you'd be surprised how fast you will forget about him when around other people. When fall comes around, try to join a school activity or get involved in a club at school.

Another thing you can do is exercise! Running is great for releasing any negativity you're feeling inside of you. You'll feel good after a nice run as well!

Little things like that will pick you up. I am in a similar situation to you however I have a couple of weeks on you. My LDR partner and I broke up 3 weeks ago. I have been in 0 contact with her since the breakup. You are going to go through some sad times and stages, but I can promise you that things will turn around.

Stay strong! We are all here for you. Sending you a hug from New York!

July 5, 2013

I am 16 years old living in Canada and he is 18, almost 19 living in the state of Arizona but very recently moved to California. We've been dating for 8 months and talking constantly for 10.

We met in person for the first time 3 months into our relationship in a different state with our mutual internet friends. I can honestly say that it was the best, most exciting and anticipated day of my life. From there, it only got better. He visited me a month later in my city where he met my parents. Two months after that I visited him in his city. He lives alone. Big difference for me because of how much more mature and on his own he is. Regardless, It was more than perfect.

However, we would constantly get into silly fights because of my jealousy along with his poor communication on the topic. There was only one time in our 6th month of being together that I had considered breaking up with him. It had to do with a girl who was coming in the way, and he wouldn't stop her. I knew he loved me but I really wanted her to just back off. But anyways, the problems with this girl stopped but aroused again but ended a few weeks ago when we made a compromise.

Things were fine up until his move to California. I was always worried about this as I knew there were more opportunities for him there. Especially with other girls. I accepted that I would have to adjust things like having not such constant communication with him like I was used to for the previous 7.5 months of dating. His life is way different from mine. I'm in my junior year of high school and he's perusing his career and living on his own. It really was different but it was a cool and interesting life he and and I wanted more than anything to be part of that. His life was all figured out and I was still deciding on mine.

We broke up just last night officially and well, I'm devastated to say the least. I couldn't sleep or eat for the past 3 days of the discussions of breaking up.
It may sound silly to some people, but I really thought we had to potential to be great and I don't know, last a much longer time than it did. You're probably thinking thats crazy for someone to think for being so young but I really, really liked him. Being LDR made us connect in such an amazing way because we knew so much about each other. No one has ever made me feel so amazing, honestly. I'm pretty sure I experienced love with him. It was just so strong, what we had. What we had was special and neither of us can deny it. He was my first boyfriend after all, and I had experienced my first kiss with him too. He's always going to be special for that reason and I'm never going to forget it. I was ready to give my virginity to him and to continue this path to one day having a future. However, he was not ready for the commitment it would take to get to that time where we don't have to be long distance anymore. He told me that he wants more than anything to have me in his life, but he can't. And that's why he broke it off.

We talked a lot after his decision was made and he ensured me that it was nothing he or I could have fixed. He just couldn't provide to me the same confidence in us that I could to the relationship.

I'm upset because I am scared to be alone again. I gave up a lot for him. I did all that I could to make this relationship last but he just couldn't. I had dreams of having a future together after I graduate high school. But he just couldn't wait for me anymore. I don't know what I'm trying to ask here, but was it for the better? I'm having a hard time deciding if it was or not. Sure I realize I'm young, but I'm going to miss him so much and I don't think I'm ready for what's about to come with a breakup. I don't know what to expect especially as I have never lost anyone dear to me. We had so much planned and so much we wanted to experience together and it hurts me that I'll never be able to do those with him.

I really thought we had the potential to be great.

Maybe I was just too young to take on such a complicated relationship. It was really hard to make the money with my minimum wage paying weekend busboy job and it was hard for my parents too as they wanted to keep me safe. I wasn't able to purchase anything for myself, as I always thought I should save for airfare. I guess it just wasn't right for the time and I'm really trying to accept that. It's just hard on me because I was supposed to have him come here in just 12 days and we were going to spend the next 26 together. Maybe our lifestyles were just far too different.

Any thoughts to make me feel a bit better about the loss of my best friend and lover? Was it for the better? I keep going through phases of sadness, to hatred then to acceptance and I'm unsure of how to cope with such a new feeling to me. Should I stop all interactions?

To say that you were too young, is an easy excuse.

Alan Alda(M*A*S*H) got married at 21yrs.-old in 1957. 2013 is/will be, their 56th wedding anniversary. The guy not wanting to wait, is evidence that he was not good material for a mate. His impatient attitude shows he has some more growing up to do.

July 5, 2013

To say that you were too young, is an easy excuse.

Alan Alda(M*A*S*H) got married at 21yrs.-old in 1957. 2013 is/will be, their 56th wedding anniversary. The guy not wanting to wait, is evidence that he was not good material for a mate. His impatient attitude shows he has some more growing up to do.

People married younger in the 1950's.

But I think what we/she means here is not that she's too young to be with someone but too young to be held down by a LDR which is 10x harder than a normal relationship.

July 5, 2013

Should I stop all interactions?

Yes. Several months to a year or two years or as long as you need to get over him (by then, maybe you might want to be done with him for good). The breakup was served to you and it's something you need to digest.

You're very young but rest assured that it would be the very same thing for me, and I'm much older.

It's Summer. Meet new people. Are you going anywhere on vacation? Just don't obsess with the thought of him. Try to go out... Keep yourself as busy as you can.

July 5, 2013

I have been in your shoes so many times, and I remember the first time oh so vividly. It was beautiful, innocent love, so intense and meaningful.

But I can assure you a few things. First of all, you will have love again, most likely much much better love, and it will come in all sort of forms.

And second of all, there are way greater guys out there who will understand you and who you will feel close to and who you will have that special connection with.

Until one day, one will come along who knows that just as much as you do.

And then you will look back to this relationship at age 16 and be thankful for having had the experience, because you learned from it.

All the best.

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