seahawker64 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Another Holiday here in the state's. I hate the holidays right now. Happy couple's everywhere and I'm running solo with no interest in any of it. No imaginary closure. I couldn't see her to talk even if I wanted too. The pain would be too much. I'm tired of living in my own shadow but at the same time, I have zero interest in other Women. NC has been a blessing and curse. I wanted to end it with both our heads held high and not the vicious nasty way it did. I've felt horrible since it happened. No amount of Gym work, throwing myself into my career, taking care of my other stuff has made me feel better. Did some counseling to try and make sense of it. All the counselor would tell me was only allow myself 15 minutes per day to think about it. Are you effin kidding me? I just paid you $350.00 per hour to tell me that useless crap. Yep, that's the going rate for counselor's in Seattle. I angry, frustrated and still have broken heart but you know what. Today on my drive, which I use to clear my head it dawned on me. At some point you have to force yourself to quit giving a s*** about them and what they did. They did it, it's done and this carrying on like our lives are over is bulls***. I think of how much time I have wasted on someone who chose not to be with me. Chose not accept I would have stood by her side thru hell and back and I have been thru hell and back since we broke up. Someone who choses to throw almost a lifetime of finding each other and coming back to each other no matter what. If she doesn't give a s*** then why should I? I am throwing this healing thing in full overdrive. I'll force what's necessary and compartmentalize what's left and tuck it away in the back of mind where it will get lost. I'm done with this and this feeling. I want another relationship when the time is right and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let her screw that up for me because I got hurt badly. And you know what I breaking this damn NC thing and writing her a letter. A final goodbye and I'm saying what I want to say. The things I was not given the courtesy of saying. Whether she read it or not, I'm writing it. I know she will though because as she told once, no one can get a letter and not read it especially if it's from a Man they were once involved with. And then I'm not giving a s*** anymore. I'm gonna get laid and I'm gonna like it!
sprucegoose Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 A better way to show you don't give a s*** is by not writing that letter. There's no need for that. Your energy is better spent on finding a girl so you can get laid and like it! 2
Author seahawker64 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 A better way to show you don't give a s*** is by not writing that letter. There's no need for that. Your energy is better spent on finding a girl so you can get laid and like it! I'm not in total disagreement with you man, but I already wrote it and I already sent it. She won't reply back because that's not her style so I have no illusions I'll hear back. If I was writing for another reason and did not hear back I would be devastated but I am not worried about that in the least bit. My frustration level with this whole mess hit critical mass last night and if I did not tell her for once and all I was gonna explode. I had too many things to say that I was totally denied. She got to day her piece to me so damn her that I'm not gonna say mine too. It was not a mean letter and not a woe is me letter. Not one of those look how much I've changed letter's. That's ridiculous and everyone says that. It was the facts of how I saw things and how perceived things. I went for the calm, well thought out letter saying Goodbye. I owed it to myself, she won't give me closure and left the door wide open as we have always done but this was my way to close that door. Now, I can focus on what I need to. That was the only drawback to NC. It makes you go radio silent before you need to and some of us, well, we have to get our words in.
sprucegoose Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Well what's done is done. I hope you truly stay no contact after this and not feel bad if/when she doesn't reply to your letter (I know a small part of you wants her to).
for666 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 well i know how you feel you took the ball in your hand back and its great you now have the last word and i suggest you somehow block her so she cant reply , you gonna feel more power over it and its gonna help you move on faster just don't make her take the ball back !
denxnis Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 She won't come back to you after a letter, I promise. If you think it will help you move on go for it, but it will definitely set you back a bit. You'll sit there expecting a response and whether or not one comes it too will set you back and have your mind racing and searching for hidden clues. I know you feel like ****, your ego took a huge hit but these things happen for a reason. Now you're basically forced to work on your career and physique so that you can upgrade to someone you're even more compatible with. It's not going to happen overnight I assure you and that feeling of uncertainty or "will I be alone forever" will always be there while you're single but you have to use it to grow and become more independent. Become a better you, teach yourself not to rely on someone else and when you least expect it someone better will walk into your life and you'll have this experience to make your next relationship 10x better than the one before it.
Maverick1983 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 For the love of God don't go writing a letter!! Leave her be go out and be a man and find someone else she doesn't deserve a letter.From all the time you wasted in that relationship now that it's finished you shouldn't waste anymore.As hard as it seems now you will get over it and you will find someone better and more suitable for you.You may think that writing a letter is a good idea but your words are coming from your head and anger rather then your heart.In a few weeks or months you'll say thank god I didn't write that letter trust me.
Author seahawker64 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 I know we all are here to cover each other butt's and prop each other up. I get the anti letter writing sentiment and really appreciate it. I really do. The only thing I can say as per my post I have no illusions that this will make a difference or she will contact me again. She just won't. I know this. If I thought there was the risk of that, I would not have written and said my piece. She will NOT get ahold of me. I am very comfortable in that knowledge. The decision was made after consulting with many of my friends and yes, some of them are Women, but my guy buddies encouraged me as well. I needed some sort of closure. I really did. If I had to figure out a way to get that myself and I believe this was the way. I'm done mopping around and feeling badly everyday, putting my life on hold in the hopes we would have a conversation where we could both walk away with our heads held high. She and I cannot be together and yes, that stings but the fact is we can take each other for a few months span but then we implode. It's gone on for years. At some point, someone has to step up and call it a day. I decided to be the one. As I said, the letter was very matter of fact. Not condemning, not angry, not sad or anything else. It was very flatline but I said what I wanted to. That too me was the most important thing. I'm free now and that's not to say I won't think about her in the future but I'm done with this not letting myself enjoy life because 1 Woman out Millions decided I was not worth her time. Today I'm going to City wide party for the 4th. and I plan on being very social and letting myself be myself. I've never in the past had problems meeting Women and I plan on talking with several today. If nothing else just friendly banter. It's time to put myself out there again and have some fun. Time to pack up and head out. Have a very safe and sane 4th. of the July to my friends in the States. Get out and live!
aloneinaz Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 You know, sometimes you have to follow your gut or heart in these matters. While I think it's been months since you've seen her, I'm not sure i saw the value in sending the letter to her after so much time as passed. If it had been a couple of weeks or a month, maybe. The relationship was over, dead, in the past. Clearly, you're struggling with moving on and if the letter helped you achieve some final closure, than power to you. I've not followed the "rules" after a break up as well. I went back after my ex after she'd get pissed about something stupid and dump me. It was always only a couple of weeks though. But, with the reconciliation, like everyone says, they don't work or last as was the case with me and my ex. I do lllooovvvee your lets move on attitude. There are MILLIONS of women out there and one that could be you next and LAST relationship. It's hard to realize this when we are hurting and feel rejected. You've finally reached the anger stage where you're like "screw this".. That's good. At some point, we have to get competitive and say F-this, you didn't want me in your life, ok.. I'm going to fake it till I make it. I often say on this form that you can't meet your next GREAT relationship sitting at home moping over your last. Good luck today on your day out. Remember you will still have good days and some bad days as well but it will continue to get easier as time goes by.
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