Have you ever had a friend who tried to cheer you up, but it made you feel worse?

[Amethystic]

So, I've got a friend, and I love him to death. He's really sweet and is always there for me when I need him, and I definitely have his back too. We've been there for each other through some really rough times. But sometimes his happy-go-lucky, eternally optimistic way of looking at things *that don't affect him* really irks me. I could tell him about something really serious that's going on in my life, and he has this annoying habit of try to cheer me up by sending me inspirational quotes or complimenting me.

 

While I know he means well, it pisses me off because it feels like he's trivializing my issue. I'd much rather him say "wow, that sucks, I'm sorry to hear it," rather than "you're beautiful, and here's a youtube video by a band I like that has absolutely nothing to do with you or your issue." It's insulting when he thinks my problems can be solved with a click of the heels and a few flowery Mary Poppins-esque words.

 

So, how can I let him know this upsets me without hurting his feelings? Like I said, his intentions are good, but I just wish he'd be supportive without the glurge.

[patrol]

Guys are just kind of like that.... We're problem solvers. If you tell us a problem we'll give you what we think will solve the problem.

 

We don't understand that when girls tell us problems, they want our sympathy and our empathy and that they're smart and able enough to solve their problems.

 

Next time you tell him about your problems, you should tell him exactly what you want. Something along the lines of, I have a problem and I just want you to listen and comfort me.

[Lani]

When my boyfriend dumped me, my sister sent me flowers to work the next day.

Very sweet gesture!

But... All day everyone kept asking me if they were from my boyfriend so I had to explain it over and over again

They ended up under my desk after a while

 

Anyway, as Patrol says, guys are problem solvers.

They don't always know what to do, so they just try to make you feel better with distractions. Tell him that you need him to listen and give you advice and not just distract you. If that doesn't work, then just keep him as you distraction and confide in someone else. We all have friends that are more helpful in certain situations than others, work with what you have.

[Teknoe]

So, I've got a friend, and I love him to death. He's really sweet and is always there for me when I need him, and I definitely have his back too. We've been there for each other through some really rough times. But sometimes his happy-go-lucky, eternally optimistic way of looking at things *that don't affect him* really irks me. I could tell him about something really serious that's going on in my life, and he has this annoying habit of try to cheer me up by sending me inspirational quotes or complimenting me.

 

While I know he means well, it pisses me off because it feels like he's trivializing my issue. I'd much rather him say "wow, that sucks, I'm sorry to hear it," rather than "you're beautiful, and here's a youtube video by a band I like that has absolutely nothing to do with you or your issue." It's insulting when he thinks my problems can be solved with a click of the heels and a few flowery Mary Poppins-esque words.

 

So, how can I let him know this upsets me without hurting his feelings? Like I said, his intentions are good, but I just wish he'd be supportive without the glurge.

 

 

LMAO! That guy friend sounds like me. Like seriously, I just literally emailed my female friend some encouraging words, offered her some job positions, asked her if she wanted me to vouch for her to my boss, even included a youtube video!!!! LOL. But the video was related to her, for sure.

 

Wow... I guess I'm not really all that original, then.

 

Now I'm wondering if she's flattered, encouraged or just plain annoyed, lol.

 

I did empathetize with her the other day and she said thanks. Then I came back with this long email offering different job options and yeah, trying to help her solve her problem.

 

We guys are problem solvers. We're looking for solutions and sometimes find it hard to just listen and say "sorry to hear."