Ansel Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 The first time he made me laugh, my gym coach, he yelled at our class to give him 10 push-ups..."ARRAY!" If he only knew that "dazed and confused" was my favourite movie. He's been making me laugh for the past 6 torcherous months. I don't know when it first hit me...this mad desire for him. Maybe it was when my friend told me early this past spring that he was wondering where I had been (she obviously did not take pleasure in telling me that, considering that I've been together with her good friend for the past 4 years.) Over the past 4 months, he has flirted with me, both subtly and out rightly ...and he has also acted indifferently to me. I also learned he has a girlfriend. This past month, we exchanged a few friendly pm's on facebook. Last week, during class...he said to me "I know you love it baby" and touched my hand (the context being that i love tough gears on the spin bike). This triggered an even worse level of desire, and its getting to be an unhealthy obsession for me. I skipped work today because I just wanted to be alone. At the gym this morning, we exchanged a very awkward "good morning"...I get the sense that he is uncomfortable, and wishes to either say sorry or just keep distance. I love my boyfriend of 4 years. I am 40, no ring, no kids, not locked into a mortgage. Overall, I'm involved in an intense emotional affair that has lasted longer than i hoped. And, the desire isn't being reciprocated by the other (younger) guy...he obviously was just having fun and he realized he took it too far. I'm thinking the moral thing to do is leave my boyfriend, this emotional affair -regardless that it wont materialize into anything- can't be fair to him, right?
whichwayisup Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 First, quit the gym and go somewhere else. No good can come of this, it's a one sided crush. And those really suck (go do some reading about it on this site) and you will be the one hurting more (as you are now). As for your boyfriend, do you see him as marriage material? Maybe it's time to talk to him and find out what the future is, how he feels. It's great to have attention from other guys as long as it's fun, playful, innocent and no feelings are involved. It's an ego feed and it does make one feel good. A crush that develops into an emotional thing is dangerous, as you know so do quit that gym. If you can't, just stop flirting with him and whatever you do, don't bring it up in conversation. think about deleting him off of your fb. 2
JustAReformedGirl Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 The first time he made me laugh, my gym coach, he yelled at our class to give him 10 push-ups..."ARRAY!" If he only knew that "dazed and confused" was my favourite movie. He's been making me laugh for the past 6 torcherous months. I don't know when it first hit me...this mad desire for him. Maybe it was when my friend told me early this past spring that he was wondering where I had been (she obviously did not take pleasure in telling me that, considering that I've been together with her good friend for the past 4 years.) Over the past 4 months, he has flirted with me, both subtly and out rightly ...and he has also acted indifferently to me. I also learned he has a girlfriend. This past month, we exchanged a few friendly pm's on facebook. Last week, during class...he said to me "I know you love it baby" and touched my hand (the context being that i love tough gears on the spin bike). This triggered an even worse level of desire, and its getting to be an unhealthy obsession for me. I skipped work today because I just wanted to be alone. At the gym this morning, we exchanged a very awkward "good morning"...I get the sense that he is uncomfortable, and wishes to either say sorry or just keep distance. I love my boyfriend of 4 years. I am 40, no ring, no kids, not locked into a mortgage. Overall, I'm involved in an intense emotional affair that has lasted longer than i hoped. And, the desire isn't being reciprocated by the other (younger) guy...he obviously was just having fun and he realized he took it too far. I'm thinking the moral thing to do is leave my boyfriend, this emotional affair -regardless that it wont materialize into anything- can't be fair to him, right? That greatly depends on how you feel about your boyfriend. You don't have to end your relationship with him; your EA (which may or may not be one-sided) could be of a very temporary nature. First, ask yourself this: Do you love your boyfriend? Are you willing to be open and honest with him about how you've been feeling? If so, are you willing to undergo what is necessary to make that relationship work? If not, then it probably would be best to set him free. Otherwise, your EA might just be a slight hiccup. 1
kamani Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 This seems to be a strong crush and desire, I'm not sure whether this is an EA even. I feel he was flirting with you and just having fun, with no feelings involved. Just for your information, these gym coaches meet hundreds of women in their career. You may be attractive and pretty, but you may not be the only one he likes a lot and flirting with. Don't waste your time by giving head space to him. 1
Author Ansel Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 Thanks all for the great advice! I really needed get this off my chest, since no one knows about this...and I needed to just process it, share it, listen, learn and then act. I've already taken a few babysteps to act on it.
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