Miss1122 Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 When a guy said I don't see myself emotionally attached to you, what does it mean? This is like the third time that a guy said that to me. I've dated guys, we had fun, there was attraction but then they will say I'm not emotionally attached to you. Just wondering what is it that makes them not emotionally attached? Am I being emotionally detached? I just need opinion because I don't want to hear that phrase again from a guy. Also, ex-bf said that to me too but we kept going out then he started developing feelings. I don't know what I'm doing wrong! Help! Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 It means you're not connecting to him on an emotional level. You may look pretty, be cute, good in bed, but if you're not connecting with him on a mental level, then you're not going to hook him on an emotional level. Maybe you are closed off, maybe you go through relationships being extremely superficial, not really opening up and showing him an honest vulnerable side. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Another possibility is that they are giving themselves and you a reason to leave the relationship. Perhaps they never intended to have a LTR with you. Perhaps it was only for the sex. I don't know, but that line could easily be abused. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 It means you're not connecting to him on an emotional level. You may look pretty, be cute, good in bed, but if you're not connecting with him on a mental level, then you're not going to hook him on an emotional level. Maybe you are closed off, maybe you go through relationships being extremely superficial, not really opening up and showing him an honest vulnerable side. I agree with the first paragraph, but I think it's a mistake to blame the OP for the guy's failure to form an emotional attachment. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 I agree with the first paragraph, but I think it's a mistake to blame the OP for the guy's failure to form an emotional attachment. Yeah, this. My post was trying to convey a similar message. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tinie Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Maybe it's too early? Maybe you've only gone on a few dates or the guys you're dating like to take it real slow. Or maybe they're worried that you're emotionally attached and they are not, but they like your company so they don't want to be put into a position to reject you, thus never seeing you again? I don't know. I'm a girl so maybe my POV is absolutely and entirely wrong. But I'm in a sitch like that myself, where I'm seeing a guy who is the sweetest, smartest, kindest man I've ever met, but my emotional attachment to him is null. But I've been talking to him for almost 2 weeks so that's not unreasonable. Some people take a while to form an emotional attachment. I know that personally it can take me over a month of seeing the person every day before I form an emotional attachment, but I'm really really slow about those things with some people, and quite fast with others. It could be that you rush into things very quickly and the guy puts on the brakes and basically says not yet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Miss1122 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Share Posted July 4, 2013 (edited) It means you're not connecting to him on an emotional level. You may look pretty, be cute, good in bed, but if you're not connecting with him on a mental level, then you're not going to hook him on an emotional level. Maybe you are closed off, maybe you go through relationships being extremely superficial, not really opening up and showing him an honest vulnerable side. What should I do to fix it? How does someone make a guy emotionally attached? Edited July 4, 2013 by Miss1122 Edit Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 What should I do to fix it? How does someone make a guy emotionally attached? I don't think we can answer that, because we don't know what your dating habits are. Are you repeating certain behaviors? Sleeping with them too early? Being to agreeable and/or suffocating? On the contrary, being too cold? Seeing them too often? Talking too much? Could be a lot of things. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 What should I do to fix it? How does someone make a guy emotionally attached? You can't. You can't force attachment, love, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Op, please don't assume because of a few unfortunate rubs the wrong way that you are necessarily at fault. It's well more than possible to wind up bumping into three dimwits in a row. The world it teeming with them. What these guys have said is rather meaningless because all three could have a different ideal and hope to meet someone that just happens to suit whatever sensitivity they hope to find in a woman. And don't forget, you also are just as much entitled to judge men on their emotional compatibilities. It's hard for any of use to suggest anything without further detail Who knows what they wanted. I myself prefer someone at peace with their own emotions and not wearing their heart on their sleeves. Ya can never tell. Thy not to let anyone else blow you off without some detail of what the hell they're talking about--and even at this know that internalizing this too much leads to no good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Miss1122 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Share Posted July 4, 2013 I'm starting to think that something is wrong with me. Even my ex bf said that he wasn't emotionally attached to me but I was very persistent, Eventually, he got attached. All of these guys said they are very much attracted to me physically and thought I'm a good person but somehow they can't see themselves attached to me emotionally. I have no idea why. I've tried having sex soon, not having sex soon, still the same outcome. I'm not even a clingy girl. I usually wait for them to communicate with me. Then I thought that maybe the problem so when I dated one guy, I started to initiate communication sometimes but still the same outcome. Maybe I'm emotionally detached. I know I don't open up quick and I don't share much of myself but I've tried that too, I initiated sharing things about myself and that didn't work either. All these guys, the same reason they give me is that there's no emotional attachment. I just hope I can figure out what's wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 I have no idea why. I've tried having sex soon, not having sex soon, still the same outcome. Looking at your thread history, you've had sex soon (within the first three dates) with the last few guys. In all honesty, I think that's your problem. You have sex with them soon, and then you want a "relationship" immediately thereafter. It doesn't really work that way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 It sounds like these men are seeing you as just a "good time girl"....Doesn't sound like they're connecting with you on an emotional/mental level. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 I agree with the first paragraph, but I think it's a mistake to blame the OP for the guy's failure to form an emotional attachment. I honestly think it COULD be the other person's fault. I can't say for sure if it is her fault, but let me give you an example. I am a very closed off individual. I get extremely uncomfortable having real, honest, conversation in which I allow myself to be exposed, vulnerable, and out there. So, I mainly avoid it. I realized that my last relationship of 3 years was so superficial it wasn't even funny. I realized that I chose my ex because he was just as equally closed off as I was. I wasn't pushed to go past my comfort zone, and because of that, we didn't have a particularly strong emotional bond. Because I'm like this, I know guys have a tough time really connecting to me, because of my wall. They hit it and it just like... stops. I'm really trying to work on this with the current guy I'm seeing, and it's HARD. But I know if I were to continue being the way I am... we would actually never progress and emotionally connect in any way. Someone else wrote it in another thread. It's not the guy's responsibility to pull a girl out of her shell and do that work. SHE has to do it for herself. I need to do this for myself. If OP is anything like that, it absolutely could be partly her fault. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Maybe I'm emotionally detached. I know I don't open up quick and I don't share much of myself but I've tried that too, I initiated sharing things about myself and that didn't work either. See. This. I'm the same way. It takes me quite some time to really trust someone with my feelings, emotions, thoughts, etc. I'm very closed off in the beginning, and sometimes I actually get stuck in the rut where I never open up at all. And that's going to be an issue with ANYONE you try to have a relationship with. You may think you're opening up and sharing but you may not be opening up on the level he needs to connect. Sure you're telling him things about yourself... but really anyone can do that. Are there feelings, and depth to the things you're saying? Or are you just telling him what your favorite things to do are? Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Looking at your thread history, you've had sex soon (within the first three dates) with the last few guys. In all honesty, I think that's your problem. You have sex with them soon, and then you want a "relationship" immediately thereafter. It doesn't really work that way. Indeed. It could be that if it's true. OP how soon is your "soon"? Link to post Share on other sites
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