anyoneelsebutyou Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Hey guys, new here. Been browsing for a while but this is my first post Anyway I broke NC about a month ago after 6 months. I went into NC after numerous attempts at getting her back and failing. I really missed my ex and couldnt take it anymore. I unblocked her on facebook, not expecting anything from her (i dont even go on it very much). But i was desperate and wanted to see if she would do anything. To my surprise, only 2 or 3 days went by and i got a long message from her asking how i was and telling me 'she's changed and is really trying hard in life' etc. She tells me she's still with the guy that she started dating about 8 months ago. From what ive heard he's a very manipulative and depressing guy so i was surprised that was still going on. She got with him a couple months after she left me and it tore me up. I was drinking heavily for months and was stuck in a black hole almost. I've only recently picked myself up. We started talking, just some small conversations maybe once a week. Some serious, and some very jokey conversations. It was nice. Anyway about a week ago, i'd started to realised that actually my feelings towards her were diminishing and i was close to moving on. It was great. But very bittersweet. I was quite drunk one night and thought, **** it - i'll give it one last shot, there's no way she wants to be with me so this will be great closure. it will hurt for a bit but then i can just get on with my life. I thought it was a great idea at the time I send her a short message through fb saying something like "i'm still crazy about you, dont worry about replying. Just thought i should tell you" She replies with "___ i feel the same. I don't know what to do ya know? I need to see you." We exchanged a couple more messages then she sends this: Aw ___, me and --- are not so great at all recently and to be honest it's kinda on the brink, he did some more unfaithful **** and when that happens you, kinda know the relationship is passed it's sell by date. Being with --- isnt like being with you, it feels in a way like I'm just wasting my time, I went to him after we split and latched onto him like a limpit and there is no emotion between us, but he has been in my life for a long while and that'll make it hard to let him go (even though hes been a negative impact) but purely cus I don't have anyone else. I like the fact you told me, and hopefully you can see that I ... I don't want to say it cus I'm stuck with someone but _____ I love you Obviously at this point i was completely over the moon. Over joyed. Ever since we've exchanged a few texts every day. Yesterday she tells me she cant stop thinking about me. She even got flirty with me. Today she texts me and she's telling me how she's walking back from her boyfriends. I'm just so confused. I don't think she's gonna leave him anytime soon. I'm not sure if she meant what she said or if she's just stringing me along What do you guys make of this? Shall i proceed to move on or actually put my heart out there?? I need somebody to talk to about this. It's messing with my head. Sorry for the essay.
aloneinaz Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 A few thoughts.. Do you need to slow down on your drinking? You mentioned it a few times and it probably held you back from healing and moving on after this relationship ended. You mentioned you took this break up hard but why haven't you moved on and started dating vs. focusing on a woman who dumped you once and immediately got involved w/another guy. My opinion, you should stay away. She's using you for a fall back guy in case her current relationship falls apart. You took a long time to get over her the first time. Why risk that same thing happening again? I'd stay far from her and focus your energy on a new girl who will did you.
mammasita Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 You made it way too easy by telling her you felt that way. I think you need to completely disappear. If she comes looking for you down the road, MAKE SURE she is single. Don't believe a word if she's with this guy or anyone else.
OrangeSnack Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 I fear that lets say you two get back together, what makes you think she won't leave you again? My roommate went through a similar situation. He left her in the beginning. Then he broke the NC and they talked, got back together for a month, then she broke up with him. I mean, you can technically get back together and break up with her lol (sooooooo ***ed up lol and immature not sure why i am even suggesting that lol, DONT LISTEN TO ME.) But seriously, I would just leave it be and go NC again.
athousandquestions Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 In my opinion, her ego is wounded because her current relationship is failing. Because she got into it relatively quickly after you guys ended things, many of her feelings for YOU also transferred onto this new dude Now that it's ending she's feeling unwanted, (especially cus he cheated), insecure, unstable, yaddaydadada and is now gonna use you as a rebound and an ego boost I agree with mammasita. Don't contact her again. If she dumps this guy and comes looking for you, you'll know she's serious. Go back into NC.
SimonSerenade Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Lol whoever said drinking is a bad thing, could of been a spur of the moment thing because she was annoyed with her boyfriend, it's hard but I wouldn't think much in to it and continue moving on, if she wants you back she'll come running and let it be known to the whole world, that's how it works, from now use drink the way any other broken hearted soul would, to pass out on the floor, don't contact her again, let her come to you.
Author anyoneelsebutyou Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 No i dont drink much anymore, maybe a beer or 2 every fortnight. Didn't mean to make myself sound like an alcoholic. Really, go into NC again? I'm so not ready for that. She suggested we meet next week. I was thinking i'd go, see her for half an hour or so, see what the vibe is like, and then disappear again for a while? I'm very good at reading body language and i can detect lies like a trooper so it would be much easier to see what the situation is. Just don't want to risk meeting her, and having all the feelings from the past come back.
Author anyoneelsebutyou Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 I should also add that her boyfriend is part of a big friendship group that she's in. So if they were to break up, she would end up with no friends if it got ugly. Maybe i'm just making excuses for myself though
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