cornishatheart Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 I (23)have been with my boyfriend (29) for about 7 months now and by and large things have been good, we have had a few issues but have managed to work through them and we are very much in love. He is the most loving, caring person I have ever met and thinks the world of me. When I met him he wasn't working, but at the time this didn't other me as I was in a similar position with only a casual part time job. (We are both university graduates - I finished uni 2 years ago and he 6 years ago). After a few months he got a job in a shop part time but that only lasted a month or so as the shop closed down. Then at the beginning of April we both landed a full time 6 week job which finished a few weeks ago. However since this job finished he has shown no desire to get another or build a career for himself. He has no idea what he wants to do with his life - his degree was in computer studies and although he didn't enjoy the course very much he did very well in it. He is pretty passionate about history (particularly military history) but doesn't see how he can have a career in that; he has also done 2 years (part time so one year really) of an Open Uni History degree but I think struggled with the self study aspect and gave up with it. He lives at home with his mum and older brother; I also don't have a problem with this as his family have struggled financially since his dad died 4 years ago so he helps out with money when he can and does most of the housework when he isn't working. When I ask him what he wants to do with his life he tells me flat out he doesn't want a job. I think he has just got it into his head that all jobs - or at least the ones he thinks he could get - are going to be mind numbingly boring and soul destroying. He lacks the confidence in himself to go for anything interesting or do voluntary work to get more experience. I should probably mention here that I too am out of work at the moment but spend hours every day looking for work and at least have goals and ambitions in life. The thing is he is actually an extremely intelligent guy - he is well read and interested in lots of things and has a whole library of information stored in his brain. He is clearly capable of achieving big things, for example a few years ago he lost 10st in weight - something which I see as a fantastic achievement but he just shrugs off as nothing. I'm getting very frustrated and worried about him - I hate seeing such an intelligent and capable man not making the most of his life. I tell him all the time how amazing I think he is and that I believe he could do anything if he put his mind to it, and it seems to help him for a bit, but nothing seem to last. Sorry for the long rant, but I felt like I needed to get it out of my system. If anyone has been in a similar situation before I'd really appreciate some advice on what I can do to help him???
patrol Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Depends on what you want out of this relationship and if you're still attracted to him. I know some girls that see a man's career and ambition as a major factor in if they'd date the person. Seeing from how you described your bf, seems like you still very much love him despite his lack of career drive. Are you looking at him as a potential husband? Most people would probably prefer a husband with a stable paycheck but again that comes down to the individual. I don't think you pushing him will ever have a lasting effect on his motivation. He'll probably has to find that himself.
MrTurk Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I agree with the above reply Its all in what YOU want. You have to look down the road....years from now...will it bother you if you are the bread winner and he stays home? Or if he has a modest part time job, or maybe stays at home and sells things on Ebay, or some other job like that?? Most women just cant handle a guy not working....but there are women that accept it. It could also just be a phase or rut he's in right now....but you need to decide how much time you want to spend on him and this relationship.
Recommended Posts