melissaburnsred Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Topic says all, but a bit of background information: My boyfriend and I have been together since June of last year. I am 26 and he is 22. It didn't take us many dates before we hit it off, and to boot, he was friends with my younger sister when they were in high school. We met each other's families and are pretty good with them. His family is more tightly knit than mine, so I've met more of his family. I feel that there was attraction and interest from day one. His last relationship before me was something like 3 years, and it ended because welp... she started batting for the other team. I had my first serious relationship at 18, we got married when I was 21, and by the time I was 22, we split. So I kind of have more experience, I guess you could say. He and I moved in together in April, into a two bedroom condo with my sister. We all get along, and splitting the rent 3 ways isn't too different from the board we all had to pay our parents living at home. He and I had always been very affectionate and we spent a lot of time together while not living together. We would watch movies, play games, and just do regular couple stuff. Occasionally we would do things with his family. Everything pretty normal. A few weeks ago, he started going out a lot, hanging with a buddy, and just generally spending less time with me. This was even after he went on a vacation with his family and we missed each other like crazy. I didn't think much of it until he started coming home late and just not paying much attention to me. Me being me, I would text and call him asking what was going on or if everything was okay. He would still come home late and say "I can come home whenever I want, this is my place too." It eventually got to the point where I did kind of freak on him. He got the impression I was starting to lose trust in him. All the while I've had my own issues - I am aggressively job hunting while still working full time, and my car is on the verge of quitting on me, so I've new stressed as far as financial security goes. I know I have taken it out on him an have had a short fuse with him for not helping out more in our living space. The other day, I finally broke down and told him we needed to talk. It came down to him having a problem with me not giving his family members attention at a function we had attended (he told me I pretty much blew someone off, I can't remember, but chalked it up to probably just having a lot on my mind). He told me he thought it would be best if we spent some time apart. I disagreed and said I thought the solution was to start spending time together, but eventually gave in... how the hell can I stop him from going out to spend time with how family? This suggestion in a "break" was only made about 5 days ago. He told me that he has to work on himself, and that I have to work on myself, because I haven't been happy and he's unhappy because I'm unhappy. The final result in all of this at the moment is... I'm even unhappier without him. I've already made plans to better myself, and he is making plans to better himself. This stings so bad, because I love him so much and he loves me. I think we just lost ourselves somewhere. I still don't feel time apart is necessary. This feels more like a breakup, as there's no contact whatsoever for the most part... and I can't handle that. We've cried together and I try to talk to him when I see him, but I truly don't know what to do, and I can't live in so much grey area. We have a lot of things to work out, ie our own financial stability and family issues, but I can't see why we can't work together. He says we're only distracting each other from focusing on what we need to work on. I cry to myself, have lost most of my appetite, and just don't know how to deal. Thoughts?
ntvan07 Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 In some ways, I understand how you feel. Your so overwhelmed and its taking its toll. I'm going through that too, we have lived together since March, and we had only been together 3 months, and I lost my job a couple weeks ago... and now apparently I'm lazy and all I do is sit home... He will say/do anything to bring me down, especially because he knows I don't have my own family to lean on (bad upbringing) Keep your head up, keep trying to find a job. I always say that when things are going bad, it just means there is a rainbow right around the corner. Your struggles make you stronger, and this relationship will work out, if its meant to be. I go to counseling, and after talking to someone, its sorta come out that I'm not doing anything wrong, and that my boyfriend obviously has some issues. Don't beat yourself up over it. SMILE! 1
Author melissaburnsred Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 I'm sorry you're going through that :/ I hope it gets better for you. I'm trying not to blame myself, but I keep playing through every scenario in my head, trying to figure out what really went wrong. I know I can't keep beating myself up over it, but I continue to. I know this is silly, but a good "sign" I guess is that he hasn't changed his relationship status on Facebook. And that's kind of a big thing now, because then it makes everyone aware of what's going on. So maybe either he doesn't want everyone to know yet, or he is planning to reconsider. I can only just keep hoping.
ntvan07 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 My boyfriend has gotten worse. He literally told me today he wants to blow his brains out. Talk about a terrible thing to think about I love him so much, but he is obviously so sick... won't admit he has an issue either.
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