athousandquestions Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Hi everyone, To make it short and sweet - me and my ex have been broken up for over a month now (I don't know the exact date, and hell if I'm gonna count). He ended things with me and at this point I am thankful. In the past month and however long it's been, I have gone through a roller coaster of emotion but I have realized that I am happy he has given me this chance to be by myself. (I am in NC) To work on myself, to find what makes me happy, to live my life and enjoy my youth without needing to share my desires, interests and happiness with another person. I have 2 years of university left and I want to enjoy that before settling into a career. This isn't to say I didn't love him or have a good relationship - we did. But I'm young and I know that this isn't the end of the world (I don't know who my parents dated at 20, because they are so insignificant as time moves on) My question is this: though I am happy for this opportunity now (when the breakup was fresh, I was NOT of this view) in the back of my mind I have the possibility of reconciliation, still. Not now, because I don't think that's a good idea. Not even a year from now. But YEARS. Is this bad, normal, or? Did anyone else go through this? To clarify I am not HOPING for a recon later on. I am not going to pass up opportunities for this possibility. I am completely set on doing what I want without considering what he is doing, because that is how you have to live and move on. Yet somehow I feel like 'fate' is going to bring us together again (maybe not in a relationship, but I don't feel like this book has been closed). Is this just a normal part of healing?
maturityassets Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 I felt exactly the same way. In the back of my mind even after 3 months post BU, 2 months NC, and the dating of others, there is still a part of me that says that book isn't finished yet still. That I always said to my ex, even the night she broke up with me because she was hopeful she would return one day, if we ever got back together it would be years from now as different people. Idk what it is. I'm only 20 as well. It's just weird though, you go from being in a relationship with someone who was constantly talking about moving in with each other and settling down maybe, and then *poof* GIGS takes over and it hurts. Regardless whether that book is finished, it's not of my concern now. I like to think I'm moving on and am living my life for the moment. Life is sometimes ironic and fascinating. I like to think that something so ironic as my Ex and I getting back together in the future would be awesome. But probably it won't. While we ended well initially, the LC we had after the break up lead to a bit of jealously on both ends and before NC it required a bit of apologies on both our ends and the decision to part ways for a long time at least. I couldn't tell you why something like "Fate" is as hopeful wish. Maybe it's the hope to be viewed as desirable by the ex again, maybe wishing we met later in life when we were past our early years, maybe the hope to be absolved of all the things we did wrong idk. My ex's mother apparently still thinks my ex and I will meet each other again in the future the last I heard. But for now it doesn't matter. I'm hoping to live my life right now. As should you
Author athousandquestions Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 Thank you for replying! When we broke up, it was my ex who was still saying things like "when we get back together" and "when we're married" to which I would reply "We aren't. You ended things." And I know that that is the truth, but you never know what the future holds! I am trying to live for the moment (seeing other people, doing my own thing, NC) and I am definitely not clinging to any hope of it happening. It's just a weird feeling I get and was curious if anyone else had had this happen as well! Us silly 20somethings 1
maturityassets Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 (edited) Haha. That gave me a good laugh. My ex said the same things the night we broke up. Her family intends on moving down south in 3 years and when her father was telling her, after she decided that she was going to break up with me, she responded with "I'll probably be back and living with Ben by then". It's just funny. She was reluctant to let go of my hand that night, wanted one last spin around the park, when we hugged she said she felt like kissing me good night. It's all funny to look back now as I have moved on in large part. So yeah we are crazy in our 20's lol Edited July 3, 2013 by maturityassets
SimonSerenade Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 It's only natural to feel that way right now, the wounds are still fresh, if it ended on good terms then I suppose that's something you'll feel you can jump right back in to one day if the opportunity arises but if it wasn't a nice break up then I'd say you should slam that door shut and move on once and for all.
Maverick1983 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 When you meet someone new and you eventually will those feeling will disappear and you'll wonder how you even came to imagining them. It's easy to feel that way though but the thing is after a break up we automatically tend to devalue ourselves and we think only of the good things about our ex not the reasons why we are upset confused or even angry. Trust me when you start focussing on yourself you will find someone better.I think the main reason we tend to see that particular scenario is because of familiarity.That familiarity seems positive now but will fizzle away when you find someone else
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