everafter13 Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 So in my last year of college, I met these 2 guys at the same time (through mutual friends) and they both liked me. I liked them both too, and couldn't decide who I wanted to be with for a while. Eventually, one of the guys (we'll call him Ben) asked me to coffee. He basically acknowledged that he and his best friend (and college roommate) liked me and that they didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know either! I also wanted one of them to pursue me. He ended it by saying maybe we would date in the future, and has basically backed off since then and I ended up dating the other guy (we will call him Eddy) for a year and a half. Now during a good part of our relationship, I wondered what it would be like if I ended up with Ben. I was still attracted to him, and if it wasn't for Eddy, I probably would have been with Ben! I found myself getting jealous when I found out Ben was interested in one of my friends. However, I tried to push those feelings aside because I was still with Eddy. Turns out my friend that Ben liked, wasn't interested in him at all. This made me strangely happy, like I still could dream about being with Ben someday. So as I mentioned before, I'd been thinking about Ben for a long time during my relationship with Eddy and really thinking I blew my chance with him and I ended up with the wrong guy. Then I graduated from college and realized that me and Eddy weren't a good match, and that I was just settling and afraid to be alone. Plus, my feelings for Ben were getting stronger. So I broke up with Eddy about a month ago after dating for over a year. It's been pretty rough, this is my first broken heart. And Eddy still wants to be with me and is probably going to try and get back with me when he comes back in September for his last year of college (l live about 20 min. from the college). Now that I'm broken up with Eddy, I find myself getting my hopes up for maybe being with Ben (who's also coming back to college for his last year this September) Ben and Eddy are roommates, and have been for 3 years. So we still have the same mutual friends, and I know I am going to see Ben again for a birthday party in August. However, I don't know if Eddy will be there (if he is, I probably won't go, or shouldn't go). I'm sorry this is sooo long!! Anyways, I haven't told anyone about my feelings for Ben. Part of me wants to, because I want to know if Ben still feels something for me, because after he graduates he's moving away and I probably won't ever see him again. Another part of me doesn't want to tell anyone, because it would hurt my ex (we're still going through the break up, it's been rough) and it would probably destroy Ben and Eddy's friendship, and they're roommates! So they can't avoid each other. And I don't want to think I'm so great that Ben would even want to give me a chance, especially at the cost of his friendship with Eddy. I'm embarrassed and kind of ashamed for my feelings, but I have been feeling this way for a long time and really have a good feeling about this guy. And I never got to properly date Ben and get to know him the way I would have wanted to (if I would have known that Eddy and I wouldn't work out). I don't know what to do Like I said, I live semi-close to the college, but I don't go there anymore. And it's a really small college with lots of events for dating and stuff. I know the church that Ben goes to, but it's not exactly close to my house. Basically, I would have to really go out of my way to be noticed by Ben. I don't want to seem desperate or like a stalker. But I really like him and haven't managed to get him out of my head for months now. I hope this made sense, sorry again for the length! I would REALLY appreciate any advice you could give, I can't talk about this with anyone and it's driving me crazy!! PLEASE HELP!
Tinie Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 It sounds like you have the "grass is greener on the other side" syndrome. You probably only like Ben because he backed off and didn't get into a relationship like Eddy did. If Ben had asked you out, you'd probably be wanting Eddy instead. If Ben was really that amazing, you would have wanted him over Eddy right away. You wouldn't have been conflicted until Eddy asked you out. If Ben is as good of a friend to Eddy as you say, he is not going to go out with you because Eddy is not over you and it would hurt him and create an ugly mess of their friendship. I think you need to let Ben go. That chance has already passed.
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