BB21 Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 (edited) So a few days ago, I posted a HUGE thread, a run down of my 5 year relationship, first love, first relationship (both now 21) then concentrating on our last few days together. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/405394-first-love-relationship-5-years-finished-severe-indications-not-coping-well So today, we finally organised she take all her things. She arrives, and we're very mutual, talking, had a cigarette together and I helped her pack. She rang a cab to leave with it all, then gave me a hug, a very tight, and close hug and rested her head in me. She said she'll miss me. At the door, she then kissed me on the lips and said goodbye. A little later she then text saying she didn't mean to kiss me, sorry. What does this mean? As she pulled away, she said 'i'll see you soon'. I ignored it, I have now officially sent my last text earlier on. I ended it with an emotional one, just something I wanted to do. I told her this was the last of the contact from me, as I had to do it for me. I then quoted some very meaningful lyrics, and told her to smile about us when she hears them. I said goodbye. Here's to no contact, here's to the future, and here's to true love either finding it's way back, or fate taking me on a new path. It'll be hard, she was my world. But i've cried today, it's out. Keep your heads up everyone, if I can, you all can. Ben. What a 5 years it was, i'll miss you sweety. Edited July 3, 2013 by BB21
Chi townD Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 At the door, she then kissed me on the lips and said goodbye. A little later she then text saying she didn't mean to kiss me, sorry. What does this mean? It means that she doesn't do that with "friends". 1
athousandquestions Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 It means she didn't mean to kiss you and she feels bad for giving you the idea that she still loves you (or whatever you thought the kiss meant) Start NC, start healing. EDIT: From reading what you replied to me on your other thread: You're welcome! I'm happy to help. 5 years is a long time, you're right, and I am not telling you to give up hope that there is a future between you. But the ONLY WAY to get to that place, is for you to accept the break up and start doing some serious soul-searching and work on yourself! You need to trust that if this is really love, it will find a way, despite everything GO out there, live your life, and if she finds her way back to you a year or two from now, start fresh.
Tenderheartbear Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 BB, I'm not sure why she would apologize for kissing you goodbye. Maybe her feelings got the best of her at the time, which is normal, and once she had a chance to reflect on it she probably felt she was giving you a mixed signal? Was the kiss awkward to where she felt maybe you weren't reciprocating so she felt the need to apologize for making you uncomfortable?
Author BB21 Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 (edited) Hi guys, thank you all for the replies. Quick update: She was infact cheating on me for the past 2 weeks with some guy she just met, and has left me for him, 5 years for 2 weeks. I actually feel good, I feel like a weight has gone. I feel up, i'm confused. I feel everything has been closed, theres no need for me to pick at things, no need for the hope and worry, it's just done. I thought this would be the worst thing to happen, but I feel so better, why is this? She found out I found out, and has rang me around 30 times since. I have no desire to answer her calls anymore, I don't care. I think i've come to realise what a worthless piece of crap she is. What goes around comes around. This may not be the best ending, but by god, I feel comfort in knowing i'm loyal, and SHE is not worth a penny to anybody. Edited July 3, 2013 by BB21 5
Tenderheartbear Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 You know what they say...once a cheater always a cheater. If I were you I'd be relieved too!
aloneinaz Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 You're so better off w/that nightmare out of your life. You're much better to go thru short term break up pain than a life time of misery and pain. Feel good that you're weren't married w/kids. How screwed up would that be to go through! Keep your spirits up and IGNORE her ass. Delete/block from Facebook, all other media, etc. If she keeps texting you block her or change your number. Life's too short for people like this in our lives. 1
Mack05 Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 I know u are young and I know it hurts but try being around when Princes song 1999 was a hit, going through so many ups and downs and 20 years later still being single...You have your whole life in front of you. As big as this seems its a tiny blip. Listen to Gareth Brookes song answered prayers... Going on my 5th date with the same girl tomorrow. Thinking I wont be single for too much longer. If an old dude like me can have a shot at love a guy nearly half my age surely will. What u are going through is the roller coaster called life. Dont feel like it now but u are going to be fine. Better then fine 3
Author BB21 Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 She has proceeded to ring me 30+ times in the past 2 hours since finding out I have found out. Is this panic mode?
Tenderheartbear Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Yeah probably but it's her bad. Let her panic. 1
athousandquestions Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Trust me. Do not answer that phone. Do not cave into her. You are stronger AND better than her cheating, lying ass. Let her continue to panic. Do NOT answer. She'll stop soon enough and in the next few weeks, you'll see her true colors. But keep NC. 1
CaliBabe Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Don't give her the satisfaction of ever hearing your voice again. She cheated on you. Let her live with that guilt. 2
aloneinaz Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 F-her.. who needs a POS like that in your life? She needs to be ignored forever. There's NO reason for you to have any further contact with her.
Author BB21 Posted July 6, 2013 Author Posted July 6, 2013 (edited) a LOT has happened, this really hasn't ended well. So since the 40+ phone calls, she has since tried to attack my new female friend. She hunted us down, and tried to attack me and her in a bar. Before all this, I was still receiving calls, and then sarcastic texts about this girl I'm simply TALKING too. She waited for her after work before we met, and followed her all the way to meeting me, shouting abuse at her, about her speaking to me. This has definitely turned round, 7 days ago I was a wreck. Now, I'm beginning to despise the girl, pure, rage and anger towards her. After our 5 years and everything together, are you ready for the details? She left me for an 18 year old, pot smoking, cheat, who is still begging for his ex back (I've been in contact with her). How hilarious this really is, is helping me through this incredibly. I've been going out, having fun, and not had one thought about her. Good luck darling. Edited July 6, 2013 by BB21
flitzanu Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 even if you're not a rap fan...you should check out Tech N9ne's song "psycho bitch". you'll understand it completely.
Author BB21 Posted July 6, 2013 Author Posted July 6, 2013 What is she doing? She keeps telling me she dosn't care, we're done, and so on. Yet is so 'done', that she has to come and attack me and another girl having a drink and a chat.
flitzanu Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 she's acting like a psycho bitch. she dumped you for another guy, so she's obviously very selfish. now you aren't taking her calls, so she's pissed off because she wanted to keep you dangling on a string and you're not letting her. none of this means she cares about you, and none of this means she wants you, it just means that she's...being psycho. stay far away from her. 1
Enna Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 I know the term is used a lot...but she is starting to look like a sociopath. This is what my sociopathic ex did when I finally dumped him - rang about 40 times - at one stage ringing both mobile and landline at the same time (still not sure how!) and front door and landline. What sort of person does something like that? Someone who is trying to CONTROL you... Mind you - if you were with her five years...would you say this behaviour is out of character for her? Did you ever have doubts?
Author BB21 Posted July 6, 2013 Author Posted July 6, 2013 The difference here though is that YOU dumped HIM, so he was then doing all them calls ect. Here, SHE dumped ME. I'm leaving her alone, shes says we're done and she dosn't care, yet I'M the one getting this form of abuse. The only time I can think of her doing this whole call/text stuff is when we've argued, or she's been panicing about us. Why would she POSSIBLY need to ring me 40+ times in one night, when she's away with her new guy?
Chi townD Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 She found out you knew the truth. That she actually was the bad guy in all of this. That she was the one that stepped out of the relationship. That she cheated on the guy that she promised to be exclusive. That she left you high and dry for someone else. When she discovered that you knew, it was paramount that she contacted you to let you know that, "this other guy isn't the reason for the break up. He had nothing to do with it." At least, that's what she wants you to believe. Now that she's discovered that you're talking with someone else, she trying to put the blame on you. That YOUR running around. She needs to convince herself that she made the right choice by dumping you; thus, she just reaffirming the "it's over, never going to work, it doesn't matter....blah....blah..." In a way, she wants to move on and screw this other dude. But, she doesn't want you to move on. She knows that the 18 year old pothead isn't going to work out in the long run. SO! Her game plan was to string you along until she was finished having her fun, then come back to you (her back-up plan). She never thought that there might be another girl that you can talk to and get some solace from each other. 2
athousandquestions Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 She found out you knew the truth. That she actually was the bad guy in all of this. That she was the one that stepped out of the relationship. That she cheated on the guy that she promised to be exclusive. That she left you high and dry for someone else. When she discovered that you knew, it was paramount that she contacted you to let you know that, "this other guy isn't the reason for the break up. He had nothing to do with it." At least, that's what she wants you to believe. Now that she's discovered that you're talking with someone else, she trying to put the blame on you. That YOUR running around. She needs to convince herself that she made the right choice by dumping you; thus, she just reaffirming the "it's over, never going to work, it doesn't matter....blah....blah..." In a way, she wants to move on and screw this other dude. But, she doesn't want you to move on. She knows that the 18 year old pothead isn't going to work out in the long run. SO! Her game plan was to string you along until she was finished having her fun, then come back to you (her back-up plan). She never thought that there might be another girl that you can talk to and get some solace from each other. This. She wants to make you look like the bad guy. Don't let her. Keep holding your head high man, walk away and don't talk to her. She left you. She has nothing to say. I was in a similar situation as you (got dumped, ex then panicked whenever I was with another guy and would constantly try to manipulate/control me.) It looked and felt like a complete role reversal - the dumper became the one panicking and freaking out while the dumpee is just trying to move on and live their life. Be glad you are seeing her true colors. She WILL calm down eventually.
Enna Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 The difference here though is that YOU dumped HIM, so he was then doing all them calls ect. Here, SHE dumped ME. I'm leaving her alone, shes says we're done and she dosn't care, yet I'M the one getting this form of abuse. That's true - but I really didn't want to end the relationship; but I was more or less certain he was seeing other women. (Of course he was...as he was when I met him!)
Author BB21 Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 So it came out that it's because she didn't love me anymore, but my gut tells me that this is the cover up story. She didn't love me, but didn't end it? No, my mind tells me she met somebody else, and the feelings for this person masked her feelings for me, in her excitement and lust, her love for me was drowned. She also gave me the ever so common 'you deserve the best, you deserve to be happy' lines, also knows as - Guilt. They apparently really love eachother already, after 2 weeks. They do their best to promote it on Facebook, post pictures, ect. Quite frankly guys, i'm shocked in myself how better I am after just 2 weeks, it's really weird. I went from feeling I couldn't live without this girl, to now thinking to myself they're welcome to eachother, neither are worth my time. both liars, both cheats, both don't know what love is, what a perfect match. 5 years, to feeling this better after 2 weeks, I guess I got the realisation that this girl hurt me so much and betrayed me, I don't need her, It might not all be so perfect now, but I KNOW, very soon, she will be a memory to me. No matter what she did, I shared 5 years of my life with her that i'll never forget, but obviously, this girl isn't for me. Happy healing guys. I'll continue to update you all.
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