pixy25 Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 I need sound advice from a third party. This is a long story, but I will try to keep it short. I have been with my significant other, now fiancé, for a total of six years. We met young while in college. We have been engaged for almost two years now and moved in together over a year ago. The problem is I’m confused. A little over a year ago I started having feelings for someone else. About three months ago, this someone else confessed his mutual feelings to me. Since then I have been a mess. I don’t know what to do. My fiancé and I almost broke up several times in the past three months due to my state of craziness and confusion. My partner and I have had several issues from early on in our relationship. These being poor communication on sides, too much arguing, bad fights, neglect, resentment, etc… We also come from very different backgrounds. We have been to counseling and basically have been told it is all in our hands if we want it to work. The thing is, I don’t know what I want and this is killing me. One day I want to work things out with my fiancé. the next I long to be with the other man. I even have dreams about him (the other one). We flirt quite a bit but have never been physical. I simply do not know what to do. I feel that I’m not 100% ready to breakup, and that if I do go this route he will be very hurt and probably never speak to me ever again. I need serious help before I make a decision such as marriage. Btw, I am 26 years old. Please help!
Moose Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 Boy that's a tough one! Have you considered a, "break"? Do you think the current problem you're having with your SO can be resolved? Would he be ok with counceling? You definitley have a serious decision to make. One thing is for sure, and I would wager that just about everyone on the Shack will agree with me....If you have even a fraction of an ounce of doubt that you two can't live together forever, it's best that you don't marry.
Scott S Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 Originally posted by Moose You definitely have a serious decision to make. One thing is for sure, and I would wager that just about everyone on the Shack will agree with me....If you have even a fraction of an ounce of doubt that you two can't live together forever, it's best that you don't marry. I would concur here. And I would further say that if you haven't already, you need to be honest with your finace. It appears he has some decisions of his own to make as well, & he certainly has the right to know exactly where he stands.
Devildog Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 I'll play Devil's Advocate here. Because I know how your fiance is probably going to feel. Why are you continuing to hang around with this other guy if you still have feelings for your fiance? If you have some respect for your current relationship and the guy you are with then you should not be introducing elements into the relationship that hurts the situation. If you are just going to "trade up" and ditch your current partner every time a shiny new bauble comes along then save your parents the costs of a wedding. I am sick and tired of hearing "sob stories" from people who are willing to hurt their partners and destroy a relationship for some flash in the pan crush.
oannamarie Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 I know exactly how you feel. I am going through the same thing except I am married. I decided to work things out with my husband but continue to be friends with the other guy. I am not happy with my relationship with my husband but am not ready to leave. I believe it may be a security thing. That me be the case for you. I believe that if you take things slow and realy think about what it is you need to do to make yourself happy things will work out in the end. That is the advice that I have given my self.
TMCM Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 Originally posted by oannamarie I know exactly how you feel. I am going through the same thing except I am married. I decided to work things out with my husband but continue to be friends with the other guy. I am not happy with my relationship with my husband but am not ready to leave. I believe it may be a security thing. That me be the case for you. I believe that if you take things slow and realy think about what it is you need to do to make yourself happy things will work out in the end. That is the advice that I have given my self. Please don't take this the wrong way but imagine if the roles had been reversed and your H was still friends with the OW, how would you feel about it? Probably not good, right? The continuation of a friendship that at one time had morphed into an affair, means that your marriage is still being robbed of the intimacy [the mutual sharing of one's deepest thoughts and feelings] that belongs between you and your H. In one sense, your affair is still going on. And just like with the affair, the energies that could be going to restore your marriage are being siphoned off by your friendship with the OM.
Recommended Posts