Panther Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 To make a long story short.... My Ex dumped me at the beginning of June. She told me that she fell out of love. It hurt, I went through all ther pain emotions. We tried to do NC, but every now and then she would pop up, and ask for stuff back I didn't even know I had of hers. CD's, etc. I always gave them back to her. We tried the "just friends" route in the July, and it did not work out well. In September I met someone new and started dating her cassually. My Ex found out and went ballistic. Said I must have never cared, etc. I did. I was deeply in love, but decided to move on. I still have some feelings for my Ex and her little Girl. About a month ago, she showed up to where I work. I am a DJ at a local nightclub. My Ex went to this club on occassion, but never went on this particular night since it was a weeknight, and she had school. I can count on one hand how many times she showed up on this night to visit me on this night when we were involved. Well, guess what, now that we are broken up, she has decided to start coming down on this particular night. It caused me a lot of stress and my Ex started to play emotional games with me. I had co-workers tell me they saw it, and I tried my best to ignore it. She got drunk, and started hanging on guys, and then started throwign ice at me from her drink ,a nd sending me "I don't hate You" text messages. I responded the same back to her the next day, and got an email on how we cannot even attempt to be friends at this junction. I agreed. Then she sent me an email expressing hope that we can be civil towards each other if we run into each other, cause she knows we will. I asked her to give me more space, cause I needed to heal more over the break up. She said "too bad, she was coming in anyway. I asked her again, and she said No again. My thinking is this If I show up to her place of employment or school, it is called stalking, yet I have to deal with her coming down to my job? I had her banned from coming in on any night I work. She can still come in and dance on other nights that I am not there. I asked her nicely, cause I needed more time. She now hates me..again. I said in time when we can really be civil towards eachother, and have no feelings, then I won't care when she is there. If she is going to come in on a night I work, I said that we need to talk about it first so there is no awkwardness, and no repeat of what happened last time when she was there. . I knew she would never agree to that. I know her and I can and never will be friends because of the things she has said and done to me since the break up. I don't get it. I get dumped. yet I am the bad guy for moving on somewhat, and also get villified because I don't want her around in my life in any capacity until we can be cool and are completley over each other. Is this wrong? Am I supposed to be a doormat to this person even after we break up? Is my job not a cool place from feeling safe from seeing my Ex? Why would my Ex even want to be in the same room with me, let alone hear my voice over the nightclub system through out the night? Am I a bad guy for not wanting her there on nights I work? I am sure down the road I won't care, but now it still hurts. She sees it as "blackmail". She sees it as "Be my friend or don't come in". That is not the case. It is I still have hurt and anger issues with the break up, and when I see her it brings me back to ground Zero. I don't think I should be forced to see her until I am completley over it, and can be her friend.. or in this case...just an aquaintance I used to love..... Help me.. am i wrong for asking and forcing the no contact issue until I am over it??? She asked me for space, but I am sure now she wants to show off her new boyfriend to me as well. Thsi woman is all about control, manipulation and revenge. She thinks I am doing this to get even with her. I am not. I am doign this to protect myslef. I admit I am dating soemone new, but I didn't do that to get even with her. I have done nothing to get back to her. I am just trying to get over all this heartache the best way I can. and I beleive No Contact has to be both ways, not just when the "dumper" feels the "dumpee" should be over it. I know it is screwed up.. I still love my Ex and her daughter, but really like the new girl. The only way to get over here is never to see her again for awhile.. any thoughts???????
morrigan Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 I would enforce the no contact--to the point of changing yourr phone number and email. I would avoid her publicly. Neither one of you has the right to impose on the other's life without their permission, and an ex has no right to question who/why you date after a breakup. It would probably be best not to associate with your ex after this--it doesn't sound like she can deal with this breakup in an adult way.
gersanos Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 I concur with Morrigan. You should avoid her completely. You are broken up now, if no contact is what you want from her, then she should respect that. I told an X no contact when we broke-up. I was willing to work on our relationship, but she wasn't for whatever reasons. She is the one who made the decision to break-up, and I respect that. She asked if we're still friends, and I said no. She went ballistic on me, argued, and wanted to know why not. I told her that (1) you are the one that wanted to break-up, (2) ironically it happened when I had a lot of stuff going on in my life were you weren't even a friend to me or supportive, (3) you were a bi^&h to me the past 2 weeks, you don't care, and I don't want people like that in my life, and (4) I need time to heal. Stop claiming to me that we are "best friends," friends don't even do that to one another. They are there for one another. I told her that it's best if we just stay out of each other's lives at this point. I told her to stay completely out of mine. I have had enough of her. She continued to argue, and her last defense was about being civil when we see each other at school. I told her that we'll worry about that when we cross paths. I didn't argue with her or angrily tell her these things, but she got defensive because she couldn't get what she wanted, but, she has respected my requests per sa. If you get dumped, you can do whatever you so please with your X regarding no contact. That is your right. You guys can stay friends, keep in light contact, be civil, or banish them.
Scott S Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 Originally posted by Panther I know it is screwed up.. I still love my Ex and her daughter, but really like the new girl. The only way to get over here is never to see her again for awhile.. any thoughts??????? You're right. That is the only way, especially the way she is acting. I assume the nightclub is considered private property? If she is being drunk & disorderly the management may remove her, & call the police if necessary. It's called "trespassing."
Author Panther Posted October 21, 2004 Author Posted October 21, 2004 Thansk, I aprreciate your comments. I guess I am lettign her coometns I am hearign through the grapevien get to me. I never wanted to "hate" her. I don't date to hate. I am friends with almost All my exes, or at least friendly with them in some way. She is friends with none of hers. I just don't understand how I am the bad guy here. She dumped me, and now I want my space away from her so I can heal. Because she can't come to a club she likes to hang out at on a night I work, I am suddenly the worst person in the word to her. Weird part is, she never came to the club on that particular night at all..maybe 4 times in a year and a half. Now she wants to coem all the time.... I don't get how I am the bad guy here.. I just want to heal......
Scott S Posted October 22, 2004 Posted October 22, 2004 Originally posted by Panther Thansk, I aprreciate your comments. I guess I am lettign her coometns I am hearign through the grapevien get to me. I never wanted to "hate" her. I don't date to hate. I am friends with almost All my exes, or at least friendly with them in some way. She is friends with none of hers. I just don't understand how I am the bad guy here. She dumped me, and now I want my space away from her so I can heal. Because she can't come to a club she likes to hang out at on a night I work, I am suddenly the worst person in the word to her. Weird part is, she never came to the club on that particular night at all..maybe 4 times in a year and a half. Now she wants to coem all the time.... I don't get how I am the bad guy here.. You aren't the "bad guy." You want to move on with your life. You are the mature & sensible one. She, on the other hand, is the one acting like a spoiled brat. That is her issue. Clubs are for adults, not truculant children.
Author Panther Posted October 28, 2004 Author Posted October 28, 2004 People butting in Post: 1 | Quote: A lot of my story is told on the FORCED NO CONTACT thread. I have been doing very well, and have had absolutley NO CONTACT with my Ex now forover thre weeks. This is good considering we broke up and there was major dramas every other week or so until then. Last night I was workign at the club I work at. My Ex is not allowed in the club because of soem of the stunts she pulled after we broke up. She has a new boyfriend, and his crew hangs out at my club where I DJ at. I was not aware of that until last night. I was talking to a friend when this one guy comes up and starts talking to my friend. I introduce myself, and he looks me up and down, and says "Oh Yeah, You Hate one of my Friends" and smirks. I am befuddled at this moment and reply that I hate No One, and am suprised by his comment. He says soemthing under hsi breath and walks away. Our mutual aquaintance goes on topt ell me that I was in the Club and gave my Ex's new Beau a dirty look, and that is ther wproblem with me. The funny part is this. Iknew my Ex was dating soemone else already, but I have had no clue who he is or even what he looks like. My mutual friend tries to etell the guys name, his occupation,a nd tells me the guy is as messed up as my Ex is,a nd that is why they are operfect for eachother. I stop him and tell him that I don't want to knopw anything about her, or her new guy. I told him that I am happy for her, and I wish them the best of luck, but I don't want to knowanythign about him or her. My Friend persists in trying to tell me stuff, and I finally shut him down. I tell him this.."Listen.... I don't dislike him, nor do I like him, I am indifferent to him. I wish him luck in there relatiosship, and that I harbour no ill will towards either of them, or any of there friends." I could care less one way or another about him. Why is it people think that there has to be sides. Why do I sudenly have a new enemy? It is not my style to give a guy dirty looks who is datign an ex of mine. Yet I find I am beign accused of this, event hough I have no clue who this guy is... Why can't people be adult and just move on. Last April, an aquaintance of mine met an Ex of mien from a few years ago. He actually asked me permission to date her, cause he didn't want any problems between him and I. I told him that he didn't have to do that, and htat her datign life is none opf my business, but I wish him and her well. A Year later, I DeeJayed there Weddign Reception,a nd wished her well. That Ex actually aske dme to give her away, cause her Dad had just passed away. I respectfully declined. Why can't al relationships have soem sense of calm and sensibility when they end. MInd You, that girl broke my heart too, but in the end, we wer able to become very good friends. Why all the friggin drama around this latest Ex. I have never seen somany people act like immature idiots in my life..... Suddenly I am this Bad guy among a group of people whom I don't even know. All because i got dumped, and hurt by this woman. I never treated her badly. I always treated with her repsect. And even in tghe breakup, I tried to remain friends with her and her little girl. I don't get it. I don't know these people. All I did was be the Ex of oneof there friends new girlfriend. I don't want her back. I have a new Girl that I am very happy with. Why is this stupid drama even happening?
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