wethepeople Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 I have gotten some good advice from theis forum and I through I would seek more. My situation: Wife said she wanted to separate in March. In VA there is no such thing as legal separation but I said fine, but I am not leaving the house. I do still hope that there is a chance to reconcile so I wanted to keep things as Friendly as possible. We get along great but the passion and spark has been gone for a while. Have 2 kids 5 and 8. We worked quickly through a mediator to get a separation agreement in princial laid out. It is very fair to me given the fact that she has not worked for 8 years and we have been married for 10. I can live with the temp support and with the Child support. I got all the custodity I asked for (50/50). My attorney says it is a much better deal than I would get in court. So since April I have been living in the basement, she works part time in retail making no money. I pay all the bills and get to see the kids each day and it is going on okay. I have been trying to get her to work on our intiamcy issues and she says she is giving all she can right now. She will not sign the draft fo the agreement which goes in to effect when we sell the home, which she says will happen (she is on the deed but not the loan) after the VA i year separation requirement runs next march) So I bring up to her that if she wanted out of the marriage and wants me gone she has the power she just needs to get a job and start to support herself and the kids in a way that will allow us independence from each other and give the kids a home they deserve when they are with her. She blows up at this and says I am not to tell her what see needs to do to take care of the kids and herself etc (I am sure a lot of you have heard the same screams). She says she wants to work part time and take yoga instructure classes and then in March deceide what she wants to do going forward. So I quickly start to realize that I may be the chump in the room. Then I see the Facebook Messages left open. Two main observations, she has reached out to several ex's (all of who are married) and is more than happy to share intimate details about our marriage, details about my disease (DX with MS in 2007), and then trying to get them to meet her, "leave wifey at home", " is kissing you cheating", "I should have married you" etc. I than see she is telling her firend about her professing her love for an ex (who happens to be a famous rock star) and how even though he is married with two kids he has said that they can be one again and he appears to be leading her on like a little goupie. So basically there is tons of this, sharing details of our life together with these people, trying to get them to hook up, and then I find she is writing a blog which lays the same out for the world to see, private details about us and me. I have never said an ill word about her to anyone. I am very private. So now I am sick over my next move. I can pretend it never happened and I never saw, live through it for the next 8 months, be with my kids, take the good deal I have negotiated and move on then. I am adding a clause in the agreement saying she cannot discuss or publish (I know she is working on a book about her life) intimate details of our mariage, sex life, or my health issues) I can confront her and cause an explosion which will hurt the kids and get me to a judge which might get me a worse deal than I have on the table. Or I can just have some fun with her....contact the wives of the men she is having emotional affairs (I have no proof of physical yet) and let them see the screen caps of there husbands discussing how great their sex lives were with my wife when they were together and planning meet ups. It is tough for me. I unfortunately still love her. I love my kids dearly and want them to have a loving home. But I cant sleep at night with a mixture of anger and hurt and humiliation and a need to maintain soem dignity. Your perspectives would be greatly appreciated.
Yasuandio Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 First of all, I understand you are a private person. But you must face that you are really dealing with hurt that has turned to anger. This is not about any book she is publishing - and indeed, you would have much litagation and little success therewith if she desired to publish facts about her life, and the people in her life. So just forget about that book thing - it will just tick her off -- and there is nothing you can do about it, unless she writes complete untruths about you (and her perceptions are not exactly untruths). Noone going to publish or read he stupid book anyway. She is just pushing your buttons. As for the contacts your wife in engaging from her former life, this seems inappropriate if you two are discussing a reconcilation. As well, if I were the wife of any of these men she were speaking with -- I would want to know about it. Exposing your evidence of your wife's new exploits would certainly put a monkey wrench into the marital relationships of these men, and seriously make your wife really really mad. Because in all liklihood, once the spouses of these men find out, and view real hard evidence, they will drop your wife like a hot potatoe. There is an extremely well-respected web-site called Marriage-Builders that recomends exposure in some cases. However, I suspect exposure in this case might serve to restore a bit of your dignity (i.e., demontrate you are no idiot) - rather than move you towards reconcilation. Either way, the women that are being two-timed deserve to know, even if you gain a bit of revenge from it, I fully support exposing this stupid behavior. BUT YOU MUST BE A SMART SAVVY MAN IN EVERY MOVE YOU MAKE: 1. Document all the on-line non-sense - and maintain a keylogger on the computer. 2. Say nothing and do nothing until you have a formal legal written agreement on this nice settlement you have reached. 3. Forget about any complaints or BS about book. It will only stall the process of getting number #3 above finished. 4. After agreement is signed, perhaps consider one or both of the following options: a. Use on-line material you have gathered to create your own manuscript about the life and times of the demise of marriage, or whatever topic sounds appropriate. b. Offer to have the manuscrpt reviewed for accuracy by the husbands and wives of whose internet quotes have been cited therein. Your wife is not the only person that can write a book you know. The event of infidelity through social media is a very marketable subject these days in the e-book market industry. If you write your story (including the popular Rock Star's involvement), and utilize proper quotation methodology, you might create an extremely valuable piece of literature, in which a publisher may be interested. At the very least - an article for "The Rolling Stone Magazine," or a slot on MTV, or one of the nightly entertainment programs. What about that? Yas 1
ver13 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I'm with Yas, you need to bide your time get all the information that you have gathered and spring the trap AFTER the Sep agreement is in place. Your W is cake eating at this time she has you supporting her while she explores new options. Expose her to the W of the OM and see how that works for her. Just remember that you need to have your living situation worked out before this happens because it's going to get nasty. 1
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