Bigtim286 Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 We broke up because she felt as if I wasn't the one. I felt honestly because it just pushed things aside and didn't show her that much affection and kind of gave her less. Plus we argued, fought etc.. But on the night of our break up she texts me. "Ugh. I miss you and I'm not too excited about going to bed alone but it'll be best. I love you, good night"... I didn't reply. Then, the following night she's texts "just thinking about you good night" I still no not reply. Then the following night again she texted me twice, one text just asking about good torrent websites to download movies, then again how here belly piercing didn't close up and that she misses me and hates her. Nothing to important, and I still have not replied.. Honestly I want her back but don't know what to do.. Should I reply? No? Advice thanks!
SimonSerenade Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Don't contact her, if she wants you back she'll make it known, she's looking for some validation and nothing else, if she feels your not the one for her why even bother?, if she changes her mind then yeah by all means spend some time with her and talk but don't just let her back in, if not then trust me, it's not worth contacting her, give it a month or so and you'll be right as reign.
Author Bigtim286 Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 Ok, so I shouldn't contact her at all for now? Thanks again.
inaya42 Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 would you say that she is the forced dumper? do you want her back? if you really believe that she broke up with you due to neglect and that she is texting you because she wants you to demonstrate more emotional investment, then NC will push her further away. if you want to TRY to salvage the relationship, some initial communication/clearing the air is an important first step. if you are looking to move on, then NC, heal, and, yes inevitably move on.
SimonSerenade Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 It's your life man, you can do what you want I just think unless she gives you concrete evidence she wants you back, it's not worth putting yourself in that position, right now you should be giving yourself some love and proving your happy with or without her, like the old saying goes, the best negotiating stand point is the man who can walk away and mean it, it applies to all walks of life and it's a good way to live, never settle for something you know in your heart you don't deserve, by the sounds of it, she isn't worth your time.
Author Bigtim286 Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 Well she felt like that a month prior before our break up. We did argue, and I did push things aside even tho we made up. I guess I did seem a little less affectionate towards her, and she has lots of **** going on, no working car, family and financial problems. I'm just confused. Because by nc it gives her Time to think and miss me.. But i want to text her make it known i want to change and rebuild a new relationship. Not fix the old one. I dumped her because how she was feeling towards me.. So I'm just stuck on what I should do.
Author Bigtim286 Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 And she didn't want to bringIt up she said because she didn't want to believe it and be with me.. Goddddd! Why am I stressing about this so bad...
SimonSerenade Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 You did the right thing, she wasn't treating you right, no good man would stand for that especially if there was no sign of change, she isn't going to change overnight unfortunately, her views will change as the days and weeks pass by but honestly, you need more to go off before you even contemplate contacting her again otherwise the old relationship will resurface time after time and you'll be stuck in a never ending cycle, unless she's willing to put 110% effort in and take on board your points of view then it just isn't going to work out for you, don't feel bad man, you honestly did the right thing and you can walk away with a ton of pride and self respect, she changed the terms of your relationship and you stood up to her and walked away, if your not interested in her terms then she really has nothing more to offer you, she'll hunt you down but stay strong and don't bow down to pressure, it's your life, you make the decisions that are right for you. 1
xXCountryXx Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 True story (guy above me). Not worth the time with how she's treating you. Going through fairly similar **** situation.
Author Bigtim286 Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 Yeah women are confusing and built on emotions.. Idk. Thanks for the advice guys. Honestly. I would try to talk with her, about how she was feeling because I could sense it.. Then she would say its "her problems, life etc" and she would tell me she loves me, wants to Be with me forever. Then she just feels like this. I know I probably had some input on her feelings towards me. But tbo, I believe by no contact, giving her time to realize I'm gone. She'll start to think about her decision. I can tell already because she has texted me every night since our break up. Ill just have to see if she really wants to work things out, she'll show me, and let me know. I just hope I know when the best time for me to initiate any kind of contact is. Man, screw women lol.
SimonSerenade Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Sometimes you just got to sing that all time popular song to yourself "I want something else to get me through this semi charmed kind of life" damn that's catchy, I'm off to YouTube to knock out some virtual skeets over that.
Author Bigtim286 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 Thank you both, honestly. You have given me strength. I will keep you posted and let you know what is going on. If she honestly knows that she regrets her decision. Then ill be able to see it through her initiative. Deeper, more vivid texts or communication. I believe Remaining NC will show her that I am now absent from her life. Then, thoughts and feelings will arise. I feel as if, me communication of responding back to her will just show her currently that I'm just available and she'll feel reassured she made the best decision. Hopefully this is the best route to take. Not going to lie, it's been hard. I contemplate so much about responding to her, but for now. I'm trying to think with my head, instead of my heart or "feelings". Hopefully she will recognize, and then figure out exactly what she should and needs to do.
SimonSerenade Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Make sure your doing it for yourself first and not using it as a plan to get her back, if she comes back and is willing to make significant change then that'll be great but I would hate to see you get your hopes up and be crushed if she didnt come back, fact is, you deserve better and it may take you weeks or even months to realise that and be happy without her but you will get there, I don't think about my ex anymore, instead I think about the wonderful woman who's probably waiting for me around the corner, that makes me smile if this woman isn't for you, chances are there's somebody who is once your ready to move on, keep us updated and I really hope this works out for you.
Author Bigtim286 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 Well she didn't text anything last night. And after a lotOf thinking I deleted her from my Facebook. Just to ease my mind during this time. Well see what else happens in the following days.
TaraMaiden Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 All she was doing with those nightly texts was 'friend-zoning' you. Maintain NC, at all times, whatever you do. Read the Guide in my signature. Stick to it, like a limpet on glass......
Author Bigtim286 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 Thanks Tara. I did read your guide and it did help me with reassuring my decision. She will make it known if she regrets her decision, and I will also be able to grow stronger as the days pass. I feel bad but hopefully she can understand why I am ignoring her and not choosing to stay friends and realise that it was a little selfish on her side to want too. Time will only tell, whatever happens in the future will be best. Ill either get her back, or gain strength by not contacting her.
xXCountryXx Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 There's a fairly good possibility that she will not post her regret of her decision. The smart bet is to not wait for it, but know that the odds are fairly decent that she will. Move on regardless and do not worry about it. That is exactly what I am doing and to be completely honest I feel pretty damn amazing for doing so. It's been 5 weeks NC for me she's only texted me once (group message to 2 other former mutual friends). It was a picture of an inside joke we all had when we first started hanging out. Ignored the communication attempt and haven't heard from her since.
Author Bigtim286 Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 Update! Well sorry, I couldn't help myself. I went out, enjoyed things but after I felt comfortable with whatever the outcome would be.. I broke nc, and I felt if I didn't I wouldn't have her back right now. She told me herself.. If I wouldn't have talked to her we probably wouldn't be talking now and working things out. I've been able to move on and made it known to her that's it's my choice I want her back not that I have too. Few light text conversations, eventually led to us hanging out, she wanted me to take her car shopping which is what we were going to do before we broke up. And idk it's like after day it jus clicked in her head. I got a random text which said I want to be held in your arms nothing else in the world would make me happier than that right now.. And she came over. We didn't have sex or anything I told her I want to take it slow. Those Are vague details but when we were laying down together I explained to her what I felt caused the break up and I could tell based on her responses, tone of voice. She knew i was changing. So were trying to start new! Not repair anything in the past! Just do the things that should of been done in the firstPlace! But it's looking good!!! Ill keep you guys updated! And thanks again for your advice! It has helped.
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