pixy25 Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 I need sound advice from a third party. This is a long story, but I will try to keep it short. I have been with my significant other, now fiancé, for a total of six years. We met young while in college. We have been engaged for almost two years now and moved in together over a year ago. The problem is I’m confused. A little over a year ago I started having feelings for someone else. About three months ago, this someone else confessed his mutual feelings to me. Since then I have been a mess. I don’t know what to do. My fiancé and I almost broke up several times in the past three months due to my state of craziness and confusion. My partner and I have had several issues from early on in our relationship. These being poor communication on sides, too much arguing, bad fights, neglect, resentment, etc… We also come from very different backgrounds. We have been to counseling and basically have been told it is all in our hands if we want it to work. The thing is, I don’t know what I want and this is killing me. One day I want to work things out with my fiancé. the next I long to be with the other man. I even have dreams about him (the other one). We flirt quite a bit but have never been physical. I simply do not know what to do. I feel that I’m not 100% ready to breakup, and that if I do go this route he will be very hurt and probably never speak to me ever again. I need serious help before I make a decision such as marriage. Btw, I am 26 years old. Please help!
Weird Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 you shouldn't keep putting your fiance through your confusion. take a break and figure out what you truly want. It would be so wrong for both you and especially your fiance if you stay together only to realize down the road you made the wrong choice and then either break up then (ahem, divorce) or stay with him only to wish you were out of the relationship. Again, please take a break and figure some stuff out in your head. You obviously aren't ready to be with this guy in marriage so don't even think about going to that level right now.
Panther Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 There will be consequences either route you go. You do have to take a break and figur eit all out. It isn't fair to you or your partner.BUt you need ot figure it out. If you break up with him, it could get nasty, but if you just take a break and date the other guy, then you will hurt him. You need to figure this out now. This is hard advice to give, because a security blanket is comfortable, but if you truly ar enot happy any more, you do need to move on. This new guy may be just a passign fancy, but you need to eithe rforget about him, be with your man, or forget your man,and be with the new guy, who may end up being just a fling...... it is a quandary.... a risk fr sure, but you need ot be fair to your current boyfriend. Whatever you do.. don't cheat....
Fayebelle Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 sounds like sound advice to me- what do you think pixy?
Author pixy25 Posted October 19, 2004 Author Posted October 19, 2004 Yes, that is sound advice. Kind of like what I already know but don't know how to go about doing so. We live together in a condo we bought a few months ago. How do I get space and take time to figure it out when we live together? Thanks all. Very much appreciated.
Fayebelle Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 Just tell your fiance that you are confused about your feelings and want some time to decide if you are ready to make such a major commitment. There is always the chance that he will not handle this info graceful- but it is his right to get upset. Better now over a discussion about space then later over an affair or discussion of divorce.
Weird Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 I totally agree with fayebelle. Not to throw salt in your wounds but you never should ahve got a condo with him if you weren't certain about the relationship. Really, for your sake and for his, you have to come clean about all this to him before you keep digigin a deeper hole for yourself. The more you stay in the relationship with the uncertainty and the more you two transform into "one" the harder it will be for you to end things totally if you ultimately decide that is what you have to do. Again, have the talk with him tonight or something.
Recommended Posts