Broke up with a jerk, but ending up still wanting him

[Kc220525]

My boyfriend of 2 years finally ended our relationship after us going back and forth for the past couple of weeks, claiming he's sick of the "games" - me asking him if he loves me anymore because of how distant he's been acting towards me.

 

For the past 2 years, I've been there for him through a lot of things. When we started dating, he was insecure and over time he became very confident, even cocky, thanks to me reassuring him and purposely stroking his ego all the time. I was the one who motivated him to get a job and go back to school. Now that he's doing well, all of a sudden he wants to be independent.

 

Though he was insistent on how much he loves me, he made it pretty clear he doesn't love me by his actions. After pleading with him to give us one more chance and him repeatedly saying no, I toughened up and went off on him how he took me for granted. I did everything I can to be the best girlfriend, and stuck with him at his lowest. And now when I'm feeling low, he doesn't want to be here for me. He was quiet the whole time I said this and when I said I hope he doesn't take the next girl for granted, he said he hope the next guy will appreciate me more and will be worth my time.

 

I felt pretty damn good letting out all my frustrations out last night, even went to sleep feeling good. But all of a sudden I wake up in the middle of the night, feeling horrible all again. I know he has taken me for granted in so many ways lately, but I can't stop thinking about how such of a good guy he was and how affectionate and loving he was before all of this drama. I honestly feel really lonely because I don't have close friends, he's the only person outside my family that I connect with. I just feel like everything is going to be horrible now because of how lonely I feel.

 

How do I stop overthinking about the breakup and move on? I keep thinking about how this probably wouldn't happen if I haven't done some things. I think so much that I can't sleep at all even if I want to, and it's seriously going to affect my schoolwork.

Edited July 3, 2013 by Kc220525

[chaychay]

you can talk to me!

 

first of all you said he made it clear that he doesn't love you by his actions,

look its not your fault, if he doesn't love you you cant force it on him, you know now you have to move on if you've done all you can,

I can honestly say I can relate to this,

I was the one who nagged my ex to get a job, and to keep ontop of things, I kept him away from drugs for a while even, but now that hes done it, he doesn't need me anymore. I cried over it for ages. 8 months. that wasn't good for me I have to admit, I know hearing it sucks but things heal with time. what I did was I cried over it at first, watched sad movies, listened to sad music, I guess you could call it a grieving period? but gradually 8 months later im okay. it does get better, I thought I was the one with the fault, he somehow convinced me that I was the problem, and I guess that's how youre feeling too, it wasn't you, it had nothing to do with you, yes it takes two people to work on a relationship but if hes chosen to go down that road without you theres nothing you can do about it.

 

just allow yourself to grieve, for a while, and then start concentrating on you again. and try not to think about the good memories. think about the bad too. And why it ended.

[mano]

same here he is a total jerk n so mean, been there for him always stuck around n he has never proved his love by his actions!

n now these days he is talking about just ending it , freaking hurts, i feel for u dear

[Eivuwan]

My boyfriend of 2 years finally ended our relationship after us going back and forth for the past couple of weeks, claiming he's sick of the "games" - me asking him if he loves me anymore because of how distant he's been acting towards me.

 

For the past 2 years, I've been there for him through a lot of things. When we started dating, he was insecure and over time he became very confident, even cocky, thanks to me reassuring him and purposely stroking his ego all the time. I was the one who motivated him to get a job and go back to school. Now that he's doing well, all of a sudden he wants to be independent.

 

Though he was insistent on how much he loves me, he made it pretty clear he doesn't love me by his actions. After pleading with him to give us one more chance and him repeatedly saying no, I toughened up and went off on him how he took me for granted. I did everything I can to be the best girlfriend, and stuck with him at his lowest. And now when I'm feeling low, he doesn't want to be here for me. He was quiet the whole time I said this and when I said I hope he doesn't take the next girl for granted, he said he hope the next guy will appreciate me more and will be worth my time.

 

I felt pretty damn good letting out all my frustrations out last night, even went to sleep feeling good. But all of a sudden I wake up in the middle of the night, feeling horrible all again. I know he has taken me for granted in so many ways lately, but I can't stop thinking about how such of a good guy he was and how affectionate and loving he was before all of this drama. I honestly feel really lonely because I don't have close friends, he's the only person outside my family that I connect with. I just feel like everything is going to be horrible now because of how lonely I feel.

 

How do I stop overthinking about the breakup and move on? I keep thinking about how this probably wouldn't happen if I haven't done some things. I think so much that I can't sleep at all even if I want to, and it's seriously going to affect my schoolwork.

 

You will probably feel bad on and off for a while. Your story sounds very similar to mine. I supported and comforted my ex when he was insecure about a lot of things. I was with him for the years in which he was fat and unattractive. Then he worked out, got a great body and decided that my looks are not good enough for him anymore despite the fact that I was also improving my looks all these years (and no one else thinks I'm unattractive). He also says a lot of nice things and is affectionate with his words, but his actions are the opposite. I also went through a period in which I tried to get him to work on the relationship and cannot understand how he can end it just like that after 4 years of being together. You are probably going to think about this on and off for a while. Sometimes you'll be ok and calm and other times you will be upset and hurt. The only advice that I can give and that most people will give is to work on yourself and expand your social circle so that you won't feel like he is the only one for you.