Confused48 Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 yes well, I was reading a very good book that I thought was going to be really helpful.... half way through then found out about the affair, haven't picked it up since..... A coincidence. A problem in my M was too much bickering and fighting. I got a book. I read it during the A. I now know why WS seemed totally uninterested in reading it or even talking about it. None of the ideas seemed to do any good. My WS had checked out and no book could help us with our problems if WS was only pretending to be married. There was even a chapter in the book about dealing with this problem if there had been an affair in your marriage. How if the affair was on going it was pointless. I read that with great interest, thinking, "Thank god that didn't happen to us!" Ugh. I should I suppose but at moment still feel like it's all for him and he doesn't damn well deserve it. I need to get into the franme of mind that it is for me too and perhaps then I'll be more ready to overcome problems. It is for you. Maybe you and a new guy. Maybe just for you. It probably works best if you be a little selfish about it. When I was in the hysterical bonding phase, I was doing that for me. Not WS. WS may have enjoyed it to but I was doing it for me. 1
NordicStripes Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 We had a good sex-life for most of our relationship, only the last couple of months prior to d-day he didn't show much interest in me... He did have sex with me right before he started to sleep with her... Ever since D-day (now 2 years ago) I haven't been able to have sex with him without having mind-movies, and thinking about the fact that what we are doing is meaningless since it was so easy for him to do with someone else. We have sex once every three months or so, and I never can really enjoy it. The sad thing is, we're also still so young... I'm 27, he's 25. Forget what I wrote. He has now been yellow at me/ignoring me since yesterday. Why? Because he feels that two years should have been enough for me to have gotten over the whole thing. 'It's a thing of the past'. He feels I have no reason at all to still be anxious when he's out with friends, and that I definitely should't 'bother' him with text messages while he's out. So far for being really understanding... Man, I feel so hopeless now. I've invested so much in this relationship and all he sees is a bossy woman who can't (won't) let go and I guess is ruining his life. What he did doesn't seem to matter anymore...
Confused48 Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Forget what I wrote. He has now been yellow at me/ignoring me since yesterday. Why? Because he feels that two years should have been enough for me to have gotten over the whole thing. 'It's a thing of the past'. He feels I have no reason at all to still be anxious when he's out with friends, and that I definitely should't 'bother' him with text messages while he's out. So far for being really understanding... Man, I feel so hopeless now. I've invested so much in this relationship and all he sees is a bossy woman who can't (won't) let go and I guess is ruining his life. What he did doesn't seem to matter anymore... If you are not ready to let go of it don't. Don't let him dictate how long it takes you to recover. That being said, in two years, is there any progress? I've read here as you may have too that two years is not enough time to get over something like this. But there should be signs of progress. Have you considered ending it with him? I'm all for attempting recon but for some people it is just not possible.
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