Nikki Sahagin Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 First of all, I am very sensitive about this situation so please offer helpful suggestions only Thank you:love: I met my current bf when I was volunteering in Thailand last January. I returned in May and we began a relationship. I returned again this January and we spent about 4 months together. For the most part we have been geographically apart keeping in touch by phone and Skype. I have found this bearable because I knew from the start that this would be how the relationship had to go as I met him IN Thailand and also as I am presently travelling and had no desire to change my plans in case our relationship didn't/doesn't work out and then I'd forever regret it. I am returning to Thailand in December to see him but I don't know what the next stage is... He wants us to be together and so do I. I really love him and I am aware there will be barriers between us such as the culture, economic background, physical distance and language, but we really love each other and I'd like to take this chance. I was thinking of staying in Thailand a while but I would ultimately like to be with my family back in England. Should I bring him over or go to Thailand? As I said, helpful suggestions are fine but please don't make any harsh judgements. I've already heard a few and it's NOT money he wants from me, nor a visa. If it DID turn out to be either of those things I'd learn in the fullness of time but I can't let other peoples cynicism get in the way of our relationship when he has never given me reason to doubt. Thanks in advance :love: 3
HeavenOrHell Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Hi Nikki, Who has the most to give up by moving? Who has the most to gain/opportunities by moving? Who is the most adaptable to a huge life change like moving countries?
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 Hi Nikki, Who has the most to give up by moving? Who has the most to gain/opportunities by moving? Who is the most adaptable to a huge life change like moving countries? Hi HeavenOrHell...thanks for replying Hmmm that's a hard one: 1) I would be giving up my family and the opportunity for a well paid job. He would be giving up family and a nice way of life 2) I would gain a nice way of life/cheaper way of living. He would gain the opportunity for a *slightly* better paid job (probably never anything amazing) 3) I have more experience of travelling than he does but I would be heart broken to leave my family. He would be more mentally prepared to move but I don't know how well he would cope in reality living in England. It's hard to figure out.
Els Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Welcome back, Nikki. Have you talked to your bf about what he thinks about the moving situation? IMO his opinion would be the most important, along with your own, to weigh. Is he open to moving to England with you? Why or why not? Aside from that... I know my opinion may be biased, but having moved from a SE Asian country to a first-world one, I'd advise England, no question about it. Life is not easy and sometimes even dangerous for a woman in many parts of SE Asia. Many things that people in first world countries take for granted - healthcare, amenities, welfare, roads, securities, certain human rights - are not guaranteed there. It's not something that you'd know from staying there for a few months, but that is my personal opinion, having lived in a neighbouring country for 20+ years. Many people there would give a lot to be able to live in England instead. Then again, personal opinions may differ. On the other hand, it's much harder to transfer qualifications from Thailand to England, I'd think. Also harder for him to obtain permanent residence. I don't know your individual circumstances, though. Instead of you flying to Thailand, why not have him visit England once and see what he thinks?
justwhoiam Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I agree with Elswyth's observations. Especially with a view to children. And also, if he lives on the coast, you both might experience the tragedies of tsunamis and earthquakes. That area is severly exposed to those dangers. There's just been an earthquake in Indonesia the other day. I guess I wouldn't be able to live in England long-term, it'd make me sad... and I live in the South of Europe, not some exotic destination.. So I can relate he would get homesick, missing beaches, palm trees, etc. The best compromise would be moving to England but allow for long stays in Thailand, like several months in a row. My work allows me to work anywhere in the world, but I'm aware this is not feasible for just any job. What does he do? If he runs a business, he could have people running the place while he's away.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted July 6, 2013 Author Posted July 6, 2013 He helps make houses and does stuff like that but i dont think he has an official qualification as its just not needed in thailand. I think ill contact the uk border agency and see what they might advise.
Els Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Good luck, Nikki. I strongly suggest him visiting you instead, before making any long-term plans. It's important that he actually see England before making the decision of where to go. Why have all the visits been you going to him so far?
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 I am better off financially so its been easier fpr me to visit him than vice versa.
Els Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 If you are better off financially and going to pay for the trip anyway, you could pay for him to come to you, no?
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