matticus Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 I met my gf Ariel when she came to visit her brother, apply for jobs in our city, look at apartments, and check out the city we live in, before she moved here. She was professional during the day, going to interviews and looking at apartments, and we partied by night. We ended up hooking up after a night of partying, and I ended up taking her to the airport the next morning, capped off with a goodbye kiss before she left. At the time she had a boyfriend who she lived with back at home. They had been fighting a lot, and he couldn't gather the balls to move with her, and they broke up before she moved to my city a few months later. We had kind of spoke and texted before she moved, and I didn't really contact her because of her on and off relationship with her bf. She moves to my city and we immediately start dating. I told her if she needed time to get some closure with her ex she should take it, and we could start things when she was ready. She insisted that they she had "mentally broken up with him months ago" and they were living together because it would have been awkward to kick him out of her apartment. So we started dating... I traveled around the country for work, and she hangs out with the only people she knows in the new city she moved too, my roommates. One of them puts the move on her, and during holiday they party and he ends up crashing in her bed one night. She says that all they did was sleep, and that she has guys friends crash in her bed after partying (I know this is true, we have mutual guy friends that she doesn't sleep with or mess around with). But my roommate is a horn dog, and I know tried putting the moves on her in her bed when I was out of town. She claims nothing happened, not even a kiss.... (The "did she sleep with my roommate" issue isn't why I'm writing, we're just heating up...) They hung out in a group setting for a long weekend, and one night they went to a concert and went back to my roommate and my apartment. When my gf wouldn't sleep in my roommates bed with him he "freaked out" and yelled at her for not sleeping with her. I get back into town, am slightly up to speed on everything that's happening from my girl that I'm dating , and everyone that has been partying together over holiday. I confront my roommate, he denies anything happened, I get pissed but don't flip out, because this girl isn't my gf. I am in town for about a month before leaving town again, and now consider Ariel my gf. As soon as I leave town, she is in contact with my roommate to hang out (I looked at her phone, yes I know this is wrong). I get back into town and am not happy. My other friends know Ariel has had the moves put on her by my roommate, I am starting to feel like an ******* and thinking about stopping things. She assures me nothing is going on and says she won't contact him anymore, and this is good enough for me. We take a nice weekend vacation to a nice tropical location, do some partying, have lots of sex, have a drunken argument (nbd to me), and have an awesome time. I end up traveling for work again after we get back, she goes to work in her normal office job. I should have mentioned this earlier, she has a coworker (Steven) that wants her. I met Steven one night when we joined her co-workers for drinks one night, and the body language, vibes, tone of voice, and looks he gave me were so awkward I immediately knew he wasn't comfortable with me. I went out of my way to be cool with this guy because Ariel thought I was going to be a dick to Steven. When Ariel Started her job Steven told her I was dating her "for sex" and that I wasn't good for her.... So deep down inside I really dislike this guy, I bite my tongue for the night and am Joe Cool:cool:. Over the night I see him trying to "buddy up" to her, whisper things to her, tell her jokes, and put his hand on her hip. Obviously, he's trying to make his way in. A month goes by, I'm home about half of the time, traveling for work and pleasure, hanging with Ariel when I'm home and talking to her everyday when I'm not. I get home from work and am staying at her house. I wake up one morning after Ariel goes to work, go to the computer to check my email, go to log in and her email automatically opens. Curiosity gets the best of me, I look and see she's had contact with her EX... many emails, talking about getting back with him, going home to visit him, her trying to be in contact with HIM, after she tells me they havent talked for months. I'm pissed, decide this is the last straw and prepare to break up with her after she gets done with work. I couldn't keep it all in, and we end up having words before she gets off of work and we break up. She goes out that night, and drunk text/ calls me. I'm not sure why she still is in contact with me, and don't give her much attention. I wake up the next day and she tells me she doesn't want to break up. She says that she was upset that she had hurt her ex, was confused that we were fighting, was emailing him to feel better about the entire situation that she had cheated on him and then broken up with him, etc, etc. and that the emails i read were a month old and that she doesn't talk to her ex anymore. I'm apprehensive about getting back together with her, but I'd been falling for her hard before this. That night she calls me, tells me to come to her house ASAP, we have to talk. I get there, she has a pregnancy test that is positive. Her first reaction is that she is going to have an abortion. I'm not against abortion, but I don't want her to have an abortion. I told her if she didn't want to have the a baby, she could have it and I would raise it as a single father. We go back and forth with everything, she decides she's going to have an abortion. The decision isn't mine to make, she knows I don't want her to abort it, but after debating on what to do she says she's not ready to be a mother. Ok, I'm upset, but ultimately support her in this decision. We had gotten back together in the 2 or 3 week long process of deciding of weather we were going to keep it or not... one day, she randomly calls me up and tells me that she's going to keep the baby. I'm ecstatic, support her with the decision, and am shocked. I tell her if her EX comes back into the picture that I'm gone, regardless of her being pregnant. I make myself very clear about this, tell her I'm still hurt, and let her know I'm not over everything yet. She tells me she has deleted and blocked all of his contact info. So we are coping with everything now. I love this woman, and even with everything we've been through can see myself spending the rest of my life with her. The problem? I have trust problems with her. She cheated on her bf with me, broke up with him to be with me. She might have messed around with/ hooked up with my roommate (if she did, wtf ever, it was before we were bf/gf, and if we're going to make it work I can't dwell on it.) Her guy coworker Steven still texts her, goes to lunch with her, and **** like that. She says I'm a psycho for not liking him (I'd like to roundhouse kick him in the neck:D). I admittedly don't think she would ever physically cheat on my, but I don't like the attention she gives him. I told her there are other ways in which you can cheat on someone other being physically intimate with someone. She doesn't have many friends in our city, and I don't want to be a psycho baby dady, but we obviously have some issues to work on. I'm not opposed to her having guy friends, but when I know they wanted to get with her it really bothers me. Am I being super crazy? How do I deal with everything, including this co-worker that was obviously interested in her in the past. She says he is harmless, but it's hard for me to let things go. I want to go to couples counseling with Ariel. What do you guys think? If this story was a movie would it go straight to DVD?
Mariaki Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 my ex/current bf did/does something similar.. i don't think you're being crazy.. you have valid reasons to be apprehensive and have trust issues being with this woman.. if she chaeted once, she can easily cheat again.. the difference is though that this time she is a soon-to-be-mother!! having a pregnancy scare, none the less actually being pregnant changes a woman.. she decided to keep the baby which means that she just might be ready to seriously commit to you and your future family.. im not saying trust 100% but at the same time you have every reason to be optimistic since a baby is on the way 1
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