SmithJ Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Hi everyone, I need some advice. Me and my ex split up two weeks ago because we were arguing. It was me that initiated the break up and me that told him to move out of my apartment back to his hometown (2 hours away) the next day I regretted saying this and begged him to stay, he said he wasn't sure but then later said he didn't think that I would change as I haven't done. We both cried together and he said he loves me so much but has been offered a job (with career prospects) in his hometown. He said that if it wasn't for this or the argument he would have stayed but he couldn't give that opportunity up. I have never seen him cry before as he doesn't cry but he literally broke down for three days. On the day before he moved out we spent time just holding each other in bed (nothing sexual) he said that in the future when we have sorted our individual issues out we can be back together, I said I hoped that would happen and I probably cant be with him at the moment until I can sort my head out, he said that was a very grown up thing to say. He left for work that morning in tears and text me when he got to work saying that he knows we can be together in the future and he will be back for me. He also said that all the best love stories end up with the man going away to better himself and then come back. It seemed from we were in the agreement that we would be back together in the future. Before he left he said that he would never love anyone the way that he loves me. When he got back to his hometown he text me telling me he was safe, he loved me and to take care. I text him a couple of times telling him how much I loved him and how sorry and sad I was. He didn't reply. I didn't hear from him for a week but he owes me some money so my sister messaged him on facebook and they agreed when the money would be paid etc. She asked him about me and told him how upset I had been but was improving myself. He said that he hadn't moved on but was enjoying the time with his family and friends but no other girls were involved. He also told her that he didn't think I was going to change and he was happier now than he was with me. My sister told him that she would tell me that he had moved on and he didn't love me anymore as this would help me move on quicker, he didn't want her to say that and he said 'I think time is a healer' and 'don't tell her that because she'll just go out tonight and have a one night stand then feel s*** about it' and its unfair to make him look like the c*** in all this. Anyway I got a call that night at midnight with him saying he needs to speak to me and its important. He says the things that my sister will tell me about him not loving me aren't true and he doesn't want my family to think he's a c***. He also said 'you know what we're doing, we're sorting ourselves out and then getting back together' so I said 'I thought that was just something you said to make the break up easier' and he said no not at all. I was drunk so getting a bit emotional, I told him that I don't know why hes calling me, he left me and he's setting me back by calling. He apologized but then said 'I've tried to sort this out but you're just trying to start an argument with me' which I don't think I was. He said 'alright bye' so I just said 'bye' and hung up. I haven't spoken to him since then. Please help. I just need some advice ?
Simon Phoenix Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Sounds like he's feeding you a bunch of crap right now. My advice is to stop talking to him. He decided to break up with you, so give him what he wanted. Keeping in contact with him isn't going to do you a bit of good. So stop.
TaraMaiden Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 (edited) You're both acting like children, and playing Mind-games. Quit creating drama. Call him, arrange to meet in a month (actually fix a date, time, venue) then agree to remain in complete No Contact for the whole month, in order for you both to get your heads sorted. Complete No-Contact. Total. Not a single text, call, FB message, nothing. Just focus on where your communication skills need serious repair and maintenance. THAT seems to be the issue. You don't communicate effectively. in order to be together, you have to work together to make this work properly - together. How old are you both? EDIT: Just caught up with your other threads. Forget what I said above. Stay no Contact, do not entertain any form of message from him. he's a phukkwit. Move on, and follow the advice in the other thread. And quit asking basically what amounts to the same question over and over again. You're beginning to sound desperate. Stop it. You're better than that. Move on, quit pining for him and stroking his ego. Edited July 3, 2013 by TaraMaiden
Author SmithJ Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 We're both 23. The only time that I have spoken to him in 11 days is when he called me on Saturday night. I'd previously deleted his number so I didn't realize it was him calling until I answered and he said 'can you go outside please, its important' as I was in a club so it was very loud. The thing is that I don't really want to speak to him to meet up to say I'm going no contact, I just sort of want to do it. I do love him but he's told my sister that he is happier where he is now and I don't want to seem like I am begging for him to come back. His friends from his hometown go out partying a lot and I think perhaps he missed that so he is enjoying being there right now. I was coming to terms with the fact that he was happier there after my sister told me but then he calls and says that, it has just thrown a spanner in the works really. I feel like he's messing with my mind and it isn't fair.
TaraMaiden Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 YOU broke No Contact. The moment you realised it was him on the 'phone, you should have hung up and not listened. it didn't turn out to be important at all. It was just a "please feed my Ego" call. Quit making justifications, "The thing is" statements, and excuses. You're BROKEN UP. It's O-V-E-R. Block his derails, block his number, prevent him form calling you, and if he pulls a fast one by calling you from an unknown number - hang up immediately. Or any unrecognised number? Don't answer it. Let them leave a message. Then if it's him - delete it immediately, and block that number too. Do not, on any account, break No Contact again - which is what you're allowing, every time he "knocks," and you "open that door".
Author SmithJ Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 Yeah I know you're right, it's just pretty tough. It isn't acceptable him treating me this way and by him saying he's coming back means when he's had his fun and is bored he'll come back. That isn't fair. I've saved his number now so if he calls I'll know who it is. It is over, he hasn't tried hard enough and I don't deserve that after everything I did for him. HE doesn't deserve ME. He's very selfish and immature. Thanks for your post
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