lexxxxxy Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 hey guys, Cut long story short ex called me after 4 months no contact and want to meet up, told me she thinks about me all the time the usual craappp. In this time i havn't dated any girls nor have i been doing much other then hanging with mates. My question is what should i tell her ive been upto and been doing or seeing and how should i act towards her? she broke up with me n cheated also, i just dont want to seem like ive been moping n sobing over her all this time and dont want to come across boring like ive been doing nothing. Im not looking to get back with her however i wouldnt mind been friends with benefits im just not sure what she wants so im going to meet up. Thanks
TaraMaiden Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 The best bit of advice I can give you is for you to go over your old threads, read all the really good advice therein, and then promptly ignore the lot, and do what the heck you want.... Sounds like you're going to anyway.... Then come back in a month or two, and re-post your first thread (or 'bump' it) and we'll go through the whole sad and sorry process, all over again. Same, old same-old. Lather, rinse, repeat. 1
Author lexxxxxy Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 trust me i didn't ignore any of it and i have definitely taken it all on board. I feel as i am a different person then i was before she hurt me. I honestly just want to see what she has to say for herself, whether she has been with other guys, what shes been doing etc... in some way i feel like i need some sort of closure which i didn't get at all when we broke up and then straight away we went on NC.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 trust me i didn't ignore any of it and i have definitely taken it all on board. I feel as i am a different person then i was before she hurt me. I honestly just want to see what she has to say for herself, whether she has been with other guys, what shes been doing etc... in some way i feel like i need some sort of closure which i didn't get at all when we broke up and then straight away we went on NC. I'm sorry, but I dont believe this and I dont think you do either. The "closure" was you guys not going out anymore (Im basing this on the fact she was the one who ended it. A good 95% of people on here are the dumpees). I don't believe in "finding closure." You KNOW what you want to happen out of this. You dont really care what she has to say for herself nor closure. Deep down, you WANT her to get in front of you and say "lexxxxxxy (actual name), I was a moron, you are the right person for me and I want you back. I was wrong and you were right. I want you back." Different wording of course, but that is what you want I believe and its cool to want that. S***, most people on here are wanting that. You are a different person than you were probably months ago, but the ego is still bruised and the wonderment is still there. To me, anything LESS than that is going to set you back. WAY back. Is it REALLY worth it in the end? You have to lay the cards on the table and understand that what you are wanting out of this and what might actually happen are two DIFFERENT things. Trust me, I've been there. Be SUPER honest with yourself. If you are moving forward and actually doing good, I would highly suggest not going. But again, this is your doing. Good luck man 1
Author lexxxxxy Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 yeh you are totally right... i wouldnt say ive been moving foward however i do know that theres not much of a future for both of us unless shes really changed. But i know people dont change and if they do its not much at all. Im just really confused in what to do as much as i want to see her again and talk and see what happens, everyone is telling me to move on, tell her to f off and that i deserve better. Im soooooooooo confused we were together for like 5.5years its soo hard to just go no contact n forgot about her. thanks for taking your time to get back to me 1
TaraMaiden Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 I hate to tell you, but that's what 'they' all say, before plunging back down the greasy pole and finding themselves back at square one, all over again. Seen it all before, read the novels, seen the trauma. Don't think it's a good idea, myself.... Sadly, you will never get closure - either from us, or from her. closure, just more desperation, and curiosity. As I've said before: "Closure is like Vomit: It comes from within, but you need to get it out of your system." And you can forget this 'FWB' schytt. You're too emotionally connected still, to simply consider her a phukk-buddy. Which is essentially, all a FWB is. Someone to screw now and then when you feel the need, with absolutely no emotional baggage attached, at all. (Yeah - right.... ) It won't work. 2
Author lexxxxxy Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 thankyou guys for reading and sharing your advise with me. I just dont know what to do i know it will probably end badly or it wont work but i just have to try?
TaraMaiden Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 (edited) No, you don't. Just go by previous experience. it ended badly then - it will undoubtedly end badly now, too. Don't engage with her, meet her, speak to her or get together with her. You're simply giving her carte blanche to rip your heart out of your chest and tear it to shreds all over again.. So, no. You don't. What - is she holding a gun to your head? or is this a simply self-inflicted torture? The latter, right? SO? Edited July 3, 2013 by TaraMaiden
Chi townD Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Why dude, Why? She treated you like dirt and you're wondering if she was with other guys? I'll answer that for you. YES!!!! She cheated on you with her Ex and dumped you on VALENTINES DAY! Do you honestly think she would feel guilty about banging some other dude? There you go! I answered that question for ya! No need to get with her. You gave her 5 years, if I were you, I wouldn't give her one more day. 2
aloneinaz Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Nothing is going to change. Neither of you could of changed in only 4 months. She lost interest in you and cheated w/someone else. That's a relationship ender for MOST people. I don't see how her telling you anything is going to help? Ok, she tells you she screwed up, really misses and loves you and wants another shot. Then what? A couple of weeks of the honeymoon phase then it's back to the same relationship that she got so bored with that she cheated on you. Trust me, PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE. My ex and I broke up 6-7 times? Most were short breaks but NOTHING CHANGED. I was the same guy that she'd get pissed at for trivial things and she got WORSE after each reconciliation. The last two months with her were awful. She got more bitchy, quick tempered, disrespectful, etc.. I'm rambling but people don't change. My ex isn't going to even though she'd admit 80% of our issues were due to her temper and outlook on things. Really, don't meet her. Move on. She said you haven't dated? Why not? How are you going to find your next great relationship sitting at home thinking about a POS who cheated on you.
SimonSerenade Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Just be honest and tell her you've been happy on your own and enjoyed your time with your friends, not everyone goes out skeeting all over the show when a relationship ends so don't pretend your one of those guys, have confidence in yourself and be yourself.
mtnbiker3000 Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Another vote for leaving it alone. You know it will not end well. I would rather gouge out my own eyes than undo the 4 months of recovery I have just suffered through. And that's all you will do... is undo!!! 1
Hoaks Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Yead definately not worth it. My ex just did this too me, the first month back together was heaven. After that she was worse than before. A worsr breakup, worse everything. Very very painful lesson to learn. Please dont put yourself through hell.
LosingHope0806 Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 I agree with everyone else there is No reason for you to meet with your ex. People generally agree to meet with ex's because they still have feelings and are hoping deep down that their ex will take them back. You have to be strong/respect yourself enough to know that you deserve better than her. A cheater... So send her a message over social networking telling her how you've been or what you've been up to. But a scheduled date for yall to discuss each others lives is pointless because it can be done online.
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