swimswithjeans Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 For real. About 35 minutes ago- at 3 AM- I woke up out of the blue. I pick up my phone, and as I am holding it, I get a text from the ex. Actually I get 15 in rapid succession: 1. F*ck you 2. Lose my number 3. Never contact me again ever 4. You crossed a line 5. I hate you 6. I will not allow you infiltrate my life 7. You will never hear my voice again 8. I hate you 9. You are so sick omfg 10. You crossed a line 11. The phone was on speaker- that's how loud it was- I am pissed f*ck you, really. I f*cking hate you. I am SO confused. I said if you want me to not text you again, ask. I'm not going to argue with you. You know it was never my intention to hurt you. Can you tell me what this about? And just more of the same abusive crap. He has never spoken to me like this before. I am the dump-ee.... HE was very hurtful. I REALLY have ZERO idea as to what he is referring to- we haven't talked on the phone in days. The contact we have had today... Was, well, he asked to see me last night. I agreed- he had been sending me texts like 'I love you, you complete me...' We saw each other last week and it was amazing and I thought we were rebuilding. Last night he did ditch me out of the blue- NOT even a text or anything. So, I texted him this morning very upset. I did say some things like I wish you wanted to see me when you were sober, too and that life is too short for him to act the way he is acting and push away the people who try and love him. Really- he is 37 and acts like he is 20. Later in the day today/yesterday I had to put my cat to sleep- i texted him about that, obviously very upset as it was unexpected, and he didn't reply until about 10PM tonight and said 'You wasted your money. You should have brought it to _____ and said you found the cat wandering and they would have put it to sleep for you. Sorry you wasted your money." Then I emailed him later telling him about a fond memory I had of him that I had never really gotten to share with him. He replied with something like 'what is google hangouts?' and i said 'I don't know but hangout is the thing we did not do yesterday' to which he replied 'I want sex.' I didn't reply to that... And now, all of a sudden, I got all of this! I am SO upset he is able to say these things to me; I would NEVER say it to him and HE literally gave me the silent treatment in order to end our 6 month relationship which was going pretty when his behavior was in check. I had done NOTHING hurtful to him- he, in the meantime, went on a date with another girl, ignored me sometimes, constantly ditched plans, didn't communicate his feelings pretty much ever, blamed me on giving him chlymidia (he just had a UTI). I WAS THERE FOR HIM INDEFINITELY AND UNCONDITIONALLY. I DID NOT CHEAT ON HIM. I ONLY SPOKE TO HIM POORLY OUT OF HURT, BUT IT WAS ALWAYS EXTREMELY ARTICULATE. I think he has a problem with alcohol. I don't understand any part of this. Can anyone help please? I am just so hurting right now; I literally CANNOT imagine what I could have done to make him say these things? I am SO clueless. Unless he is drunk out of his mind and just saying these things about nothing in particular or talking to me as if I was his ex wife who really hurt his feelings? I don't even know.
TaraMaiden Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Why are you still in contact with this jerk? Have you not implemented No Contact? You really should. It's high time you did..... 2
SmithJ Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 I don't really know much to be honest and I have just had my heart broken myself but from reading your post this guy sounds horrible, really nasty. Not just with the messages he sent you but he wasn't very supportive when you had your cat put to sleep. It sounds like he sent you all of those messages like that to get a reaction out of you, you're being way too nice to this guy and it seems like he doesn't deserve anything. I think that you just should ignore him, like go completely no contact, he obviously cant see how great you are to be treating you like that. I've just read this back and really wish I could take my own advice!
Author swimswithjeans Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 I did the NC thing... And then he did the 180 last week and all was perfect for like a week until he ditched me last night. Can someone please just talk me down about what he just said to me? Where did this come from? I didn't do ANYTHING to him. I am so confused and hurt... Mostly confused actually. I know in my heart of hearts I didn't do anything knowingly wrong or say anything awful to him.. So where is this coming from? Or am I being oblivious and maybe I did do something wrong?
Author swimswithjeans Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 I WANTED to text him and say: "You are right- you should be mad. I was a horrible girlfriend to you who didn't communicate during the course of our relationship. I would give you the silent treatment without explanation and I was not there for you when you needed support. My love for you was definitely conditional and with limits. I was often cold to you. Sorry." I'm guessing he would not appreciate that sarcastic response at all. He basically tore me apart and I am STUNNED right now how we went from 'I love you' on Monday to THIS today with the only thing happening in between that I am aware of was him ditching me.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 I did the NC thing... And then he did the 180 last week and all was perfect for like a week until he ditched me last night. Can someone please just talk me down about what he just said to me? Where did this come from? I didn't do ANYTHING to him. I am so confused and hurt... Mostly confused actually. I know in my heart of hearts I didn't do anything knowingly wrong or say anything awful to him.. So where is this coming from? Or am I being oblivious and maybe I did do something wrong? If you talked to him, you didn't do the NC thing. NC means not communicating. And who the heck knows why he did it. You need to be confident in what you are doing. Let him be the crazy dumbf--k. Don't waste any time losing sleep over it. 1
SmithJ Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 I think he just wants a reaction out of you, something like 'why are you being like this I love you so much etc' but I think it'd get to him more If you just ignored him and I bet within the next couple of days he'll text you again. Ignore it until he apologizes for his horrible behavior.
robaday Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Went through all this with mine. These people are insecure and lack self awareness, they have no ability to comprehend how their actions impact on others - as such reasoning, using logic, or pleading with them wont work, the only thing that will is to show that nothing they do phases you and you can move on. Mine never offered an apology and yet was angry I wouldnt be friends. Dont bother trying to rationalise it, please just dont talk to him again, hes toxic and you are better off without him in your life, at least until he sorts himself out
TaraMaiden Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 I think he just wants a reaction out of you, something like 'why are you being like this I love you so much etc' but I think it'd get to him more If you just ignored him and I bet within the next couple of days he'll text you again. Ignore it until he apologizes for his horrible behavior. Ignore him, full stop end of story, whether he apologises or not!! This isn't about HIM!! This is about you, for you and only you! You broke No Contact by responding.... So re-implement it!! There's never any point asking questions about their behaviour - particularly when it's as irrational, rude, foul and bizarre as this. Basically it's just more "Notice me!!" from an individual who's seriously phukked up. He WANTS a reaction from you - and he gives a damn about how he gets it. As long as you take not of him, appease his ego and give him the buzz he needs by trying to placate him, pacify him or reason with him, - objective achieved. he has you on the end of his sucker-hook, just exactly where he wants you. Hanging on his every word. And you really need to ignore him completely. For your own sake. Block him completely. You can download a call/text blocker app for free - and they're pretty good, too. Just fall off his radar. make him wonder where the hell you disappeared to - and let him keep wondering..... 1
Sneaky Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 He sounds really immature and just horrible actually. You are probably better off without him, so I agree to go no contact again and just block him. You can't let people treat you like that and then come crawling back.
Chi townD Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 The phone was on speaker- that's how loud it was- I am pissed f*ck you, really. I f*cking hate you. I don't know, those rants don't make any sense. Unless, you accidently butt dialed him and he heard you talking smack about him? Or he possibly heard you being intimate with someone else? I don't know....weird. Did he ever tell you what "line you crossed"?
Author swimswithjeans Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 I don't think I butt-dialed him... Also, I really never, EVER have spoke about him in a demeaning way at all. I DON'T think he is a bad person; I would love to call him an a**hole and mean it- trust me I am well on my way there- but despite the horrible things he has done I don't harbor much resentment toward him. I checked my outgoing calls- none to him. After the first few texts, I asked him to fill me in on what was going on and he said "f*** off". I didn't say anything after that. I am SO confused. The thing is... Literally I am the person that loves him most in this world, and, additionally, I am the LEAST threatening person in the world. So why he would lash out at me like this (the hurt one, by the way) is BEYOND me. My hope is as follows: 1. I get an apology; not a reconciliation, an apology for the way he spoke to me. 2. That I am not COMPLETELY oblivious to something horrible that I actually did do OR that he hasn't COMPLETELY misconstrued something to make it into a huge horrible thing. This stinks.
Author swimswithjeans Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 And trust me, NO intimacy with someone else. I mean... MAYBE I pocket dialed him while I was being intimate with myself? I don't even know.
Chi townD Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Yeah, his texts made no sense. Unless...sorry to say this, maybe he was drunk and texting the wrong person.
Author swimswithjeans Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 I really think they were to me. I ALSO think he was drunk. But as someone who has never abused alcohol in her life, I can tell you I can't understand how alcohol could cause him to go quite this crazy. Clearly he took something I said and blew it WAY out of proportion or took super offense to it with a delayed reaction time. I don't even know. This man looks for reasons to run away. I wish I could just send him this thread so he can SEE what he is doing.
Author swimswithjeans Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 I really wanted to text him today, and say "J- please reread the texts you sent last night and realize you have sent them to the person in the world who loves you the most and wants to hurt you the least."
seahawker64 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Honestly, it sounds like he's in pain and realizing what he no longer has and now he's going to act up like a child out of frustration. I know, I once did something similar but not quite as extreme. I did it out of pain and the fact I really kept it all in until I snapped in a furious anger. The best you can do is to ignore it and it will stop. Do not respond or it will encourage this type of behavior because he will think it work's to his advantage. Hold your ground.
TaraMaiden Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I really wanted to text him today, and say "J- please reread the texts you sent last night and realize you have sent them to the person in the world who loves you the most and wants to hurt you the least." Don't, Don't, DON'T!! That's just Ego-Feeding! Don't you get it?? he's a manipulative jerk who wants to keep you in an emotional stranglehold.... With either a hug or a squeeze round the throat! Do NOT respond- it's Exactly what he wants you to do!!
Author swimswithjeans Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 I just got a text: "Guess I was wrong. that wasnt you. You sounded like the person i was talking too." ... Ummm... WHAT?!?!?! Part of me wants to text him and say to him ALL of the horrible things he said to me. THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE. I AM DONE WITH TRYING TO READ THIS MAN'S MIND. But I am pretty curious on what could cause a person to go this sociologically crazy. When I was with him, I thought about his wife and how silly she was for leaving such a wonderful man. I take those thoughts back; I see where she's coming from and good for her for sticking it out for as long as she did.
TaraMaiden Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I just got a text: "Guess I was wrong. that wasnt you. You sounded like the person i was talking too." ...."Guess that I don't need that though Now you're just somebody that I used to know"..... I AM DONE WITH TRYING TO READ THIS MAN'S MIND. ....But I am pretty curious on what could cause a person to go this sociologically crazy. Well if you're done with trying to read his mind, you won't get answer from him Or from anyone else either..... Why haven't you downloaded the call/text blocker app yet? you keep getting texts - that doesn't have to happen, you know. Just block him and have done with it!!
Author swimswithjeans Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 Did anyone know that you can't block texts on an iPhone without having it Jailbroken? Well, isn't that wonderful? The thing is... I'm slowly coping and trying to re-route my thought patterns; he is toxic at this point. Perhaps there is hope for us later, but for now I need to do me. I am slowly starting to discover things about myself. Honestly, I am starved for affection. Truly; I just want someone to take care of me because I never had that growing up. I am almost desperate for it. And that desire... Is understandable and something to be quite aware of. I think J loved me very much and I think he still does... But he is just shut down emotionally. I always wondered why his ex-wife left him... What she must have been feeling... Well... Now I know, I guess. Part of me wants to contact her--- get some insight...
TaraMaiden Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Did anyone know that you can't block texts on an iPhone without having it Jailbroken? Well, isn't that wonderful? Yes you can. You merely install a call/text blocker that's an 'approved' app. Normally, you would install them directly from a directory of app's on your phone. The time you 'jailbreak' a phone, is when you download a program from your computer onto your phone. As if every call/text blocker is going to ruin your 'phone....! That's just not true. My provider recommended the program I have downloaded, btw.... and my daughter who has a phone exactly like mine, wanted to download a program from her PC, but received a huge warning about the jailbreak thing, and consequently avoided falling into that trap.
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