Okay people enough of this

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Alright so I've been here since my BU in September. I've read numerous stories on here even way worse than mine. I've been here even when I haven't been posting just to see what everyone here says. After nine months, I'm pretty much over it. I've moved 2,000+ miles away from her, I've started a new life far away and things are looking better. Do I still miss her? Maybe...I dont even know anymore. I miss the times and the memories NOT the person she has become... I still come on here to read other stories and see what people are saying, and there is ONE thing I keep seeing numerous times and its about to drive me crazy.

 

GIGS (Grass is greener). While I get the overall notion of what that is and it does happen, people (especially recently) have used this term WAY too much in an attempt to try and rationalize what their partner has done to them. QUIT USING THIS AS A REASON. All this does is give the dumper a "reason" as to why they did it and much worse, it gives the dumpee false hope that "maybe they will realize its not greener and they will come back." Guess what? MANY of them do NOT come back. Out of the 1,000,000 stories on here about that, maybe 5 of them come back in the capacity that they want, but MANY of the times if they DO come back, they are coming back because of familiarity. So basically, you are the second choice still. It didnt work out, now they want what the had. They want the comfort of what they HAD. No matter how awesome you "think" this person is, you were not their first choice. THEY LEFT YOU. Sucks to hear believe me I know that feeling. 7 Bliion+ people in the world and you are hung up on ONE person who betrayed you?

 

All of that is hard to hear and I understand where the sadness comes in. I thought about killing myself for christ sakes. Ive ALWAYS been a happy person. ALWAYS. I get it trust me.....but dont hone in on some "theory' or feel like it is still going to work. LIVE LIFE and stop with the "maybe they have GIGS" BS. Trust me, you will be better in the end.

Edited July 3, 2013 by ConfusedHumanBeing

[cavalier99]

Hey! Glad to hear your recovered. Thats Great. Im not on here much anymore but ocasionally will hop on. Take care and rock on! Cav

[hoping2heal]

For a very long time the trend on here was BPD and NPD, now it's GIGS. I thought perhaps giving people a name to focus on somehow helps in their coping. I think alot of times people internalize a break up. They think it's their fault. Well, sometimes it is; they cheated, lied, smothered, manipulated, neglected, etc. but more often than not it had nothing to do with them. I think that saying your ex has (X) helps you to not blame yourself but blame the (X) for the breakup. That's just my guess anyhow.

[travelonic]

GIGS (Grass is greener). While I get the overall notion of what that is and it does happen, people (especially recently) have used this term WAY too much in an attempt to try and rationalize what their partner has done to them..

 

[this is all just my opinion - disclaiming this now so I don't have to keep typing "in my opinion," "IMO," etc.]

 

 

I disagree - the posts I've seen have for the most part kept to using it to understand what happened - and the behavior that has cased them in pain, and this behavioral pattern - aside from fitting outside what a lot of people envision happening in a breakup - there isn't a lot of information on outside of these forums, from people who have been involved both in being dumped by somebody going through this pattern, and being the one dumping because they're going through this pattern.

 

Investigation and understanding in of itself is not inherently bad. After all, the cliche goes that a breakup happened fr a reason, right? Well, if it matches the exact patterns found here, seems only appropriate to say "well, it most likely is this set of patterns" to me at least.

 

Though I will agree that I've seen people lately posting situations, still trying to understand what happened to them, that though they think it may be GIGS does follow outside the pattern a bit much to be classified as such.

 

 

QUIT USING THIS AS A REASON. All this does is give the dumper a "reason" as to why they did it and much worse, it gives the dumpee false hope that "maybe they will realize its not greener and they will come back."

 

IMO on "problem A":

It seems **to me** like a lot of those who use it as a reason - at least when posting here - understand the patterns, the implications of what the pattern does to them, their friends, the people that they've hurt through this patten. TBH, though, why is it bad that they find a reason for doing something when it comes down to GIGS? I mean, GIGS is one of those things that when you use it as a reason, your circumstances have to match, there is an inherent fit that has to be made before you can use it as a reason - and when those circumstances don't match, IMO of course, it inherently shows itself right away either as not understanding of what it means, pure bull****ting so far as reasons go, or both. From what I've read here, when it hits them, what has happened / the implications of that folly of "greener grass" and what it has lead them to do, that "oh ****" factor is very real, very genuine, very hard to successfully bull****. That's not to say it is impossible to bull****, very much possible, but just really hard.

 

IMO on "problem B":

First off, I don't believe in the idea of "false hope" - hope is neither true, nor false - it just is. The problem comes in how one handles said hope. Certainty, on the other hand, is very, VERY much capable of being true or false. Expectations, on the other hand, is very, VERY much capable of being true or false. Both of which STEM from how you handle hope, but are not caused in of itself by hope.

 

The handling of hope is not a problem with GIGS, or a problem with using GIGS as a reason, but how individuals handle it in conjunction with what has been happening to them, how well they handle the turmoil, and thinking clearly.

 

I guess one thing that is interesting about GIGS is that it *SEEMS* the rate of exes trying to find their way back to their exes in some capacity is higher [even if slightly] than with other behavioral patterns, breakups - you see from time to time. Can't tell you the number of stories I've heard outside the internet, as in out and about in real life, AS WELL AS online here and other forums. As a consequence, however, of course people will expect the chances are higher especially if they are in the earlier phase, and miss out on the fact that not only is this a possibility, but it is equally possibility that they will not come back at all, or possible that they come back at being different than they remember, or that if they do come back, the person hoping they come back will be in another relationship. As another consequence too, people may become a wee bit distracted and forget the most important thing to do post-breakup, and that is to get away from it all and heal, heal, heal.

 

None of that is a problem with the concept, identifier that is GIGS though.

 

Guess what? MANY of them do NOT come back.

 

And those who understand GIGS truly seem to have no problem understanding that, just my interpretation though.

 

Out of the 1,000,000 stories on here about that, maybe 5 of them come back in the capacity that they want,

 

Just a pet peeve, I HATE these 'statistics' that use exaggerated numbers - over and under-inflated.

 

but MANY of the times if they DO come back, they are coming back because of familiarity. So basically, you are the second choice still. It didnt work out, now they want what the had. They want the comfort of what they HAD. No matter how awesome you "think" this person is, you were not their first choice.

 

As you said, many times they do - but not always. The fact that you used the quantifier of 'many times' then in the same breath acted like this is the case all the time is kinda.... confusing.

 

 

Pointing out the obvious over and over I can't help but feel is counter-intuitive, almost begging that question of 'so what?'

 

Them leaving you once should be a sign of extreme caution - but not a reason to consider a long way down the line ever getting back together. There are loads of circumstances involved that must be taken into account - instead of giving a blanket yes or no - things like the development over time you [and the other] have had during time apart, what happened, the relationship quality, the breakup, why etc.

 

Sorry if your experiences leave you bitter, but it's no reason to take it out on an attempt at explaining a specific behavioral pattern, or talk down to people who see the logic in the theory and accept it as plausible - and put words in theor mouths, or act so goddammed hostile towards them to this point. The people who misunderstand it are the people misusing and misunderstanding it - he people who misunderstand it are not the people who coined it, came up with the specific patterns that are associated with it/what to look for, and keep refining it based off of the experiences of those around us who have gone through similar things. The people are just acting, IMO of course, scientifically - they see specific trends, patterns - and see it happening A LOT, and also see there is no identifier for them, and are giving that specific set of nuances - a name.

Edited July 3, 2013 by travelonic

[flitzanu]

Alright so I've been here since my BU in September. I've read numerous stories on here even way worse than mine. I've been here even when I haven't been posting just to see what everyone here says. After nine months, I'm pretty much over it. I've moved 2,000+ miles away from her, I've started a new life far away and things are looking better. Do I still miss her? Maybe...I dont even know anymore. I miss the times and the memories NOT the person she has become... I still come on here to read other stories and see what people are saying, and there is ONE thing I keep seeing numerous times and its about to drive me crazy.

 

GIGS (Grass is greener). While I get the overall notion of what that is and it does happen, people (especially recently) have used this term WAY too much in an attempt to try and rationalize what their partner has done to them. QUIT USING THIS AS A REASON. All this does is give the dumper a "reason" as to why they did it and much worse, it gives the dumpee false hope that "maybe they will realize its not greener and they will come back." Guess what? MANY of them do NOT come back. Out of the 1,000,000 stories on here about that, maybe 5 of them come back in the capacity that they want, but MANY of the times if they DO come back, they are coming back because of familiarity. So basically, you are the second choice still. It didnt work out, now they want what the had. They want the comfort of what they HAD. No matter how awesome you "think" this person is, you were not their first choice. THEY LEFT YOU. Sucks to hear believe me I know that feeling. 7 Bliion+ people in the world and you are hung up on ONE person who betrayed you?

 

All of that is hard to hear and I understand where the sadness comes in. I thought about killing myself for christ sakes. Ive ALWAYS been a happy person. ALWAYS. I get it trust me.....but dont hone in on some "theory' or feel like it is still going to work. LIVE LIFE and stop with the "maybe they have GIGS" BS. Trust me, you will be better in the end.

 

finally someone else gets it

[OrangeSnack]

I honestly don't get the whole blame game.

 

My Ex and the other girls who have dumped me didn't need to get my permission, approval or blessing before doing so and I certainly did not think / feel / believe that when I dumped all the women I have. Regardless of the reason it ended... They didn't want to be with me or I didn't want to be with them and my life or theirs was better off without me in it. How can you blame someone for feeling that way and wanting to be happy?

 

My Ex was 23 had G.I.G.S. meaning... She wanted to get her own place, go travel, date around, party, focus on her career, drink, hang with her friends, do the whole bar / club scene, etc. outside of a committed relationship.

 

What's wrong with her wanting to do that? NOTHING! I don't blame her for wanting to do that before she decides the settle down and get married and I don't blame myself for her having that need / desire either. I could not have done a single thing to stop it and she couldn't do a single thing to stop her desire / need to do it either.

 

Hell, I ended a 5 year relationship with an amazing girl when I was the same age to go and do the exact same thing my Ex is doing. Which was the best thing for me because had I married her, I would have ended up taking her for granted, not appreciating her like I should have and more than likely divorcing her because I always would have doubted and question myself, her and the relationship / marriage due to my lack of life / dating / worldly experience.

 

Age / maturity / lack of dating and life experience / bad timing. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

I have dated plenty and they have all ended to date because they didn't want to be with me or I didn't want to be with them. Reasons why vary for each but so what.... That's life and part of the whole dating process.

 

From what I see on LS is a lot of people on here think... Dating / Relationship = Marriage. Problem is, when someone dates you or enters into a relationship with you it's not "till death due you part".

 

Finding and ending up with the person who you will eventually marry... is a PROCESS!

 

Meaning...

 

You will be rejected, date around, date some winners, date some losers, have several long term relationships, go through several break ups, get screwed over, screw people over, have disappointments, have fun, have ups and downs, good days, bad days, make mistakes, learn from your mistakes, adjust your GF / BF picker as you mature and grow, be infatuated several times, fall in "love" (immature and mature versions of "love") several times, have your heart broken several times, break several hearts, become more selective, etc.

 

Your break up and the person who broke up with you are still going the PROCESS above.

 

People need to grow some thicker skin, not take things so personally, stop getting their approval and validation from their BF / GF / Ex instead of within and get a clue on the PROCESS and what the whole purpose of dating / relationships / break ups are. Which is...

 

A break up is an answer to a question!

 

It is not a THESIS that has to be PROVEN (the reason why you think you two broke up or what you were told, which may or may not be true).

 

Just because you don't like the answer to the question doesn't mean that you are to take it personal, think it's a reflection of you, your self-worth or TRY AND CHANGE THE ANSWER.

 

The purpose of your relationship was to find out an answer to a question.

 

What is the question, you ask?

 

"Is this the person I want / am going to spend the rest of my life with?"

 

If either of you decided to stop dating, break up or end a relationship for WHATEVER reason... You both now have the answer to that question and the answer is, NO.

 

What's the alternative?

 

To deny yourself or the person you were with their own happiness? To take it personal, lose all your self-respect, dignity and chase after someone who doesn't want you? To forgo all your hopes, wishes and dreams to stay with someone you shouldn't / don't want to be with?

 

How on earth could anyone view the above a success?

 

A break up is not a failure, it's an answer to a question and the successful conclusion of your relationship.

 

Wow, can someone sticky this please. Pretty much sums up everything.

[travelonic]

finally someone else gets it

 

I dunno, I think there is legitimate point to be made, but I find a lot of it misdirected [aimed at the wrong ppl], and a wee bit hostile for the wrong reasons, but that's just my opinion.

[flitzanu]

I dunno, I think there is legitimate point to be made, but I find a lot of it misdirected [aimed at the wrong ppl], and a wee bit hostile for the wrong reasons, but that's just my opinion.

 

are you saying GIGS is a legitimate scientifically documented behavioral issue?

[simplyamazing]

GIGs is pretty stupid.

 

I got dumped because my ex didn't wanna be with me anymore. It's that simple. The only thing that I hated about the end was the way she did it, basically just disappearing instead of telling me.

[travelonic]

are you saying GIGS is a legitimate scientifically documented behavioral issue?

 

No.

 

What I mean is that the people trying to understand behavior, and identify a specific set of behavioral patterns are not the ones that the lot of you [the 'royal you'/'general you', not you personally flitzanu ] need to be taking pot shots at.

 

Jono85,

 

I get what you are saying. I think, however, you like the OP are confusing the ones trying to understand this - and properly document it, analyze it, etc - and those who just throw the term around like candy.

 

Which is exactly the point of my rant earlier in this thread.

 

Honestly, yeah a breakup is a breakup, but not all breakups happen for the same reason, the same way, or have the same things driving them - and when it comes to helping people understand what happened, the people who went through the very specific set of cases that loads of people are posting about happening to them now are trying to categorize and catalog. Not make predictions, or instill a false sense of certainty of any specific outcome, just understand - and for us, understanding helps us help others.

 

GIGs is pretty stupid.

 

I got dumped because my ex didn't wanna be with me anymore. It's that simple.

 

So because that's how it happened to you, the idea behind GIGS, the attempt by some to classify a recurring trend with specific behaviors, circumstances, etc, is stupid.

 

Brilliant logic.

 

 

Call me crazy, but irritation in my post aside, I can't help but feel like this thread is going to get ugly so far as harboring a false stigma, hatred towards people who are trying to understand a specific trend of behavioral pasterns.

Edited July 5, 2013 by travelonic

[simplyamazing]

No.

So because that's how it happened to you, the idea behind GIGS, the attempt by some to classify a recurring trend with specific behaviors, circumstances, etc, is stupid.

 

Brilliant logic.

 

 

Call me crazy, but irritation in my post aside, I can't help but feel like this thread is going to get ugly so far as harboring a false stigma, hatred towards people who are trying to understand a specific trend of behavioral pasterns.

 

I don't know if it was GIGs. I think the entire idea of GIGs is stupid, because it's just something that the dumpee uses to believe that the dumper will comeback. I don't care if it was, or wasn't GIGs. The point is, she didn't want to be with me anymore regardless of the reason.

[BC1980]

People like to give something a label because it makes them feel more in control if they can name it. It gives them an answer even if it's the wrong answer.

 

The fact is that in most breakups, there isn't going to be one, specific reason. It seems that many dumpers can't really find a specific reason either. There isn't some great answer out there, so you can finally blame something. Maybe it was just that the person didn't want to be with you. Doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, but you aren't working anymore with the other person.

[BC1980]

In regards to GIGS specifically, sure people want to sow their wild oats or whatever you call it. But. . . . it simply means you weren't appealing enough to keep them in the relationship.

 

People leave and come back, realizing what they missed, all the time, and we don't call it GIGS because they are in their 40s. So what's the difference?

[travelonic]

In regards to GIGS specifically, sure people want to sow their wild oats or whatever you call it. But. . . . it simply means you weren't appealing enough to keep them in the relationship.

 

Maturity and experience - in both side - and other factors absolutely play a role in it, IMO enough so that this may be a bit oversimplified.

 

For example, one may genuinely have never had to contemplate handling becoming irrationally obsessed - ad I do mean obsessed like a teen becoming obsessed over a celebrity - over another person while in a relationship already... as a result, when that person finds themselves in that situation, it can be rather ... destructive...

 

[and that, in fact, is what happened between me and my ex... not just my perception about it - my friends, her friends, and the friends of this guy as well as both our families observed this too, and would reasonably come to the same conclusion.]

 

 

 

Just IMO, oversimplification is bad - as this is one area where one clean cut answer - no matter what it is - is not helpful, especially since a LOT of variables are involved, and as a result an incredible multitude of possibilities are valid as well.

[Theglexpa9000]

I tell them all the time and the reason why so many people think that is because they see on T.V. and in the movies. But there is a reason its in the movies because its a story worth telling for the mere fact that it rarely happens in real life. Ive long moved on but the only problem is finding a new one. My heart keeps telling me to miss her but my brain has to bully it into submission. Ugh even if she came back i wouldnt want her, yet I feel sad when i see her with the new guy. I get annoyed with myself and I know if simply out of fear of not finding someone new why my mind runs on her. I dont care if she treats him better because I know it would never work out. Its just the anxiety thats killing me not the GIGs. But where is my new girl its been 7 months ive been searching and i dont see a damn thing! Rawr:mad:

[flitzanu]

why must we be trying to "name" it GIGS, when it's simply "hey i want to go bang other people"?

[Simon Phoenix]

These responses are way too long. G.I.G.S. is fine and good, but it's definitely overdiagnosed and it's presence causes people to do one of the worst things that they can do -- try to read their ex's mind and "solve" the conflict that way. Anything where you focus on your ex instead of yourself is a wasteful use of time. The reason doesn't change the result -- they left and the relationship is over. Everything besides that is colored bubbles and chasing your own tail.

[flitzanu]

I am not opposed to that at all. In fact, I suggested using other names / terms in the past and I believe that was one of them.

 

Sounds like we need to also come up with one for Jono85 too. Overall concept of what he thinks...

 

People (and certainly not teenagers / 20 somethings who are young, dumb, full of cum and want to have some fun) NEVER dump you for the simple fact they just want to go bang random people and strangers... They ONLY do it because something you did was wrong and made them. They only bang all those people after they dump you because they are looking for Love, "The One" and the person they will marry.

 

Can you think of a phrase / word / term that best describes what Jono85 thinks so the rest of can use it too?

 

Not sure how much it will be used but it might help him sleep at night.

 

In the meantime, G.I.G.S. or "hey i want to go bang other people" (H.I.W.T.G.B.O.P.) works for me too but I have to tell you... G.I.G.S. is much easier to type and means the exact same thing.

 

well, what i'm saying is, people seem to think GIGS is some behavioral thing that people "go through" and seem to be missing the point that it boils down to HIWTGBOP. sure younger folks seem to do this more than older folks, but that's the simplest way to explain it. so many people see these as two different things. not everyone, but too many.

 

i'll start typing HIWTGBOP and see if it catches on.

[lush lady]

It's people like Skid Mark and others who take their time to help us. You on the other hand (a self proclaimed bitter person) want to attack dumpees and tell them what they feel and the questions they have are not important. Who said you can decide what's important and if the reason we were dumped matters to us or not? I wish people like you would go away since you don't really want to help us or answer our questions and leave people like Skid Mark alone.

 

Did you know a Break Up is the Answer To A Question and should be viewed as a success? I have never heard that before or the other stuff in Post #4 in this thread. It is by far the most insightful thing I have ever read on here and 6 other people agreed. Considering how angry and bitter you admitted you are, you need to read what Skid Mark wrote. As a woman I can tell you he has "it" and probably either was the Prom King or dated his fair share of Prom Queens. So my advice to you Jono is to learn from this guy instead of being angry and bitter and mean to the rest of us dumpees.

 

Back to the whole G.I.G.S. isn't real statement of yours. Me and most every one of my girlfriends dumped amazing guys in our early 20s because we wanted to live it up and go through our "bad boy" phase before settling down and get married just like everyone else around us.

 

I am 27 now and several of them have already married or gotten back together with their Exes and almost all of them tried. It's not because they had a lack of options from great guys either. It's because they always love their Ex even when they dumped them and everything they learned in those 3 or 4 years made them value, appreciate, respect and love their Ex even more.

 

We just wanted to be "bad girls" for a while and have fun like everyone else our age before we got married, started having kids and cleaned your dirty underwear.

 

It happens all the time and either we had it, been on the receiving end of it or had friends who dealt with it. What do you think the girls are talking about in our early 20s?

 

Also, do you actually read these forums? You do realize that a large majority of the posts on here are from young guys in the early 20s who get dumped by a young girl who does the 180 Skid Mark talks about, right?

Edited July 7, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[travelonic]

...So my advice to you Jono is to learn from this guy instead of being angry and bitter and mean to the rest of us dumpees.

 

Not just Jono, but the OP as well as a few people in this forum, in general, need to take this advice - at least when not targeting those who - regardless of what they call it - see the GIGS thing, understand the aspects of it, etc.

[Robert]

***** Note from Moderation *****

 

Any more off topic fighting will result in a loss of posting privy's.

 

As of right now there have been no infractions given for the rude and insulting threadjack/fighting that I have deleted.

 

Thanks

[for666]

well if you think about it

i had around 6-7 relationships

one last i got dumped for no reason 7 month relationship and now 6 month i still going to psychologist and trying to figure out WHY she dumped me

(never deal with that and i just drop'd smoking month+ before she dump'd me+ never smoked next to her or her friend and never treated her badly be-cos the smoking or neglected her) ironic isn't it?

 

i got cheat'd i knew the reason and got pass'd it in a week or two

i got dump'd cos we didn't fit ( got past it week or two maby again )

btw if you get dump for not fitting YOU GONNA NOTICE IT! believe me!

i dump'd cos i didn't fall in love 2 month is when you say K it's 2 much

i dump'd cos she became SO f annoying, Freaking out when i'm busy

and i sad to her to STOP but she continued and it showed me she have trust issue

 

again all those have reasons but the last one didn't

and the only thing close to a reason is GIGS YES!!! gigs is real!

my psychologist don't call it gigs

but he explain it differently

its a maturity LEVEL! an act of immaturity

and act off inexperienced love ( young people usually think love is emotion! and spark mature people understand its something bigger its more about how the person treat you and respect you and OPEN with you)

so GIGS is a WORD

but its real you can call it FURYA IMMA EURA what ever you call it

its a syndrome!

 

and you know what OP you don't know how to help!

or anyone that against GIGS don't understand what help is!

 

you know how the dumpee FEEL!??? not knowing the reason WHY?

DIGGING the head to understand what I DID WRONG

GIGS help to understand that some times ITS NOT YOU!

and it help's to stop digging you'r head and heal!

 

no one that say its gigs to help gonna say K WAIT FOR HER

no No no!

if it gigs i say k here you'r reason NOW MOVE ON!

its not you'r fault!

it help's to move on knowing you did noting wrong

and now you have the power to heal knowing you don't need to change

that you are amazing just the other person is not YOU and don't think LIKE YOU

gigs wont make you say I GONNA wait

no no no that's not what GIGS is for

gigs is to help you get the reason it's not YOUR FAULT!

[flitzanu]

your psychologist told you your ex was immature, that doesn't have anything to do with GIGS.

[mbee]

I also believe GIGS is a real concept, but the terminology is well just a term. I had GIGS when I was 20. Things weren't going well with my boyfriend at the time and I wanted to play the field. He took it very hard and didn't quite understand why I left. Here's the thing. I didn't either. I knew I didn't want to be with him and wanted to be with other people. After being with someone else, I considered being with him again but he didn't take the advice that all the lovely people give in this forum. He didn't go NC, was constantly there for me and ultimately ended up being a source of frustration for me since it was clear he wasn't moving on and it was unattractive. Therefore we never got back together BUT I had considered it and would have done it if he had went NC and moved on.

 

Anyway only looking back do I now realize I had GIGs and now I'm ready to settle down and meet that right guy. However, this is one way to look at breakups. People who view this as the sole reason for a breakup are in denial. Breakups are very complex and have more to do than just wanting more experience with other people. There are usually issues in the relationship (ALL relationships have issues) and probably some deal breakers. Using GIGs for a sole reason for the relationship ending is definitely unwise and minimizes the issues that were probably in the relationship.

 

Regarding "false hope" I see nothing wrong with it. If this keeps you pining for your ex then you need to let it go and move on. But anything is possible. I know people who have been through crazy stuff and get back together. There are threads everywhere on the subject. Ask your friends, family and whoever for examples and you'll get them. 5 in 100,000 is not accurate at all. Stories on this forum are not accurate. I've had exes come back to me but are either over them by the time they come back or simply am not thinking about it enough to go on a forum and post it. I have several exes that I could get back with right now if I wanted to, and yes a couple are ones who dumped me. A lot of people close to me went through long term breakups before getting married. My own brother broke up with his girlfriend (now-wife) for 8 months with strict NC before begging for her back (he was a commitment phobe and dumped her) and proposing to her.

 

I think the point is to show that anything truly is possible and exes do come back. It may not be the way you want it to, the timing may be off, or shoot it may just be perfect but it can and does happen all the time. Usually when it happens people have moved on and it's really not worth asking the advice of everybody involved. I think it's helpful because people on these forums tend to be ultra negative and say you will never get back together, ever. I think it's good to believe that for yourself to move on but it doesn't necessarily reflect reality. Some people get that and some people don't.

 

I see nothing wrong with wanting to understand a breakup. The first month and a half I was consumed with it, but now I'm not. I think it's healthy and normal to question what happened. It also allows you to think about things you weren't happy in the relationship. Eventually one needs to let this go but I see nothing wrong with the process of searching for answers especially right after the breakup happens.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Many people on here are really swinging and missing on the point of all of this. Creating this thread was moronic on my part I should have known better......