bb88 Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 (edited) This is long but please bear with me… I have been with my b/f for 8 years now although we had a long break about 2 years ago as I didn’t feel like he was valuing our relationship, he was going out all the time, drinking and gambling with his mates, basically I felt too young to feel so unappreciated. We had met when we were very young so I thought a break is what we needed. I moved interstate and during the break we both went with other people, nothing serious and still kept in touch throughout the break up. Despite advice from my family and friends we got back together after 2 years of being apart and I moved back interstate to be with him. We lived together and things just weren’t what I had expected, I had hoped all the promises of a better lifestyle and relationship would come true but it seemed only a matter of time that we fell back into old habits of fighting all the time over money and him going out choosing his friends over me, I am all for boys having mates but when there is no time for the relationship it’s hurtful . I couldn’t understand how he could act the same way when this caused us to break up the first time and risk us breaking up again. Suffice to say after many attempts to talk it over and find a solution the behaviour didn’t change so I moved out and shared a flat with a friend. It’s so hard because my b/f is a very caring person with a huge heart although the gambling problem has also created this selfish, deceitful alter ego that trumps all good treatment and behaviour. Throughout the time flatting, he tried very hard to keep our relationship going by coming over all the time and taking me out, at this point I was so hurt by the fact he had moved me back and treated me like that in the first place made this very hard to forgive, although I forgave him and moved o/s with him when he was transferred with his work. Now it’s 1 year later and I am living overseas with him andhis behaviour in terms of going out with friends has really improved although he still harbours this very bad gambling problem and it affects our relationship a lot as we are still having these fights about money . I recently discovered during a really bad time for him (when I had just moved back in with him after the break) that he had been private messaging a girl that he knew and the messages were very flirty an inappropriate. I have only found this out now and it was 2 years ago but still makes me feel much betrayed and ridiculously stupid for taking him back. He is getting counselling for gambling although still casually goes to the casino and TAB with friends brushing me off when I get upset saying he doesn’t want to talk about it. Every time I try to talk about anything to do with our relationship he looks disinterested and I feel like a broke record. I am just unsure about this relationship and where to go? I feel like I love him so much and we have such a great relationship when things are good but I also feel like we are not getting anywhere and don’t have the same future goals, part of me wants to pack up and move back home and be a normal 25 year old without all these money worries that I have been dealing with, and part of me doesn’t want to give upon something we have worked so hard for? I don’t know what to do? I feel trapped in a feeling of discontentment? Edited July 3, 2013 by bb88
Author bb88 Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 Hi Skid Mark, Thank you for your advice, I agree with you, all of those ideas sounds like great steps to take rather than fighting and not being clear. Like you said if he gets on board it will be worth trying for if not then I have to think about moving on. Hears hoping :-) Thanks again!
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