leavethepieces Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Ahhh, either talk me out of this or solidify my thoughts... Tomorrow will be one week NC. The last contact we had was an email from him saying that he's sorry but his divorce is painful and our relationship would start with too much baggage so we both need to move on. Then I sent a slew of emails in anger, filled with some rather hurtful things and telling him I wanted him to quit (we are coworkers), F him for stringing me along, he's a POS, etc. (real mature, I know.) He never responded. Then I felt very distraught so I took a couple weeks of leave from work. So, I'm considering a phone call apologizing for being so rude, also his birthday is tomorrow (wishing him happy birthday), and just trying to make sure things won't be an absolute sh**fest when I get back to work. Ahhh, I don't know.
Goodbye Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Ahhh, either talk me out of this or solidify my thoughts... Tomorrow will be one week NC. The last contact we had was an email from him saying that he's sorry but his divorce is painful and our relationship would start with too much baggage so we both need to move on. Then I sent a slew of emails in anger, filled with some rather hurtful things and telling him I wanted him to quit (we are coworkers), F him for stringing me along, he's a POS, etc. (real mature, I know.) He never responded. Then I felt very distraught so I took a couple weeks of leave from work. So, I'm considering a phone call apologizing for being so rude, also his birthday is tomorrow (wishing him happy birthday), and just trying to make sure things won't be an absolute sh**fest when I get back to work. Ahhh, I don't know. So is he actually in the legal process of his divorce? Are you just trying to smooth things out so that your parting words weren't so angry? Or, are you hoping to rekindle things? If you have been strung along and you don't think he wants a future with you, then I'd say go silent and stay NC. I don't know the full story, and I'm not a 100% across the board NC advocate like most here. Each situation is different. But, it sounds like maybe you are just prolonging the mess if you continue to reach out.
Author leavethepieces Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 So is he actually in the legal process of his divorce? Are you just trying to smooth things out so that your parting words weren't so angry? Or, are you hoping to rekindle things? If you have been strung along and you don't think he wants a future with you, then I'd say go silent and stay NC. I don't know the full story, and I'm not a 100% across the board NC advocate like most here. Each situation is different. But, it sounds like maybe you are just prolonging the mess if you continue to reach out. Yes, he is. No, I don't want to rekindle things as I have already committed to myself to work on my marriage. I'm most off all concerned about work. My bosses are aware of what happened between us. I want to be able to go back to work and not feel like I'm in a hell that will blow up in my face any minute. He may just hang up on me if i call. I don't even know....
Goodbye Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 In that case, I'd tell him, in a very straight forward unemotional way, that you both need to act like professionals going forward and you do hope that any emotional baggage will not get in the way of that happening on either end. Don't wish him a happy birthday...I'd really keep it short and purposeful, especially since you are now going to work on your own marriage. No need to send any signs that could be misinterpreted.
Ssgrimes Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Don't do it.... It will just reopen a door that has been closed. I understand your reasoning, but I think it is best to leave well enough alone. If in a few months y still feel a need to apologize, do it then. Just my two cents
Lillyfree Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 if he hasn't responded to those angry emails you've sent, i wouldn't send anything further. wait until you go back to work (i assume you've got another week off?) and see what the situation is. and definitely a no on wishing him a happy birthday.
whichwayisup Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Yes, he is. No, I don't want to rekindle things as I have already committed to myself to work on my marriage. I'm most off all concerned about work. My bosses are aware of what happened between us. I want to be able to go back to work and not feel like I'm in a hell that will blow up in my face any minute. He may just hang up on me if i call. I don't even know.... Then do not contact him. It is that simple. You owe him NOTHING. Do not wish him a happy birthday. He ended it with you and wants to move on without you so respect that and DO NOT give him that ego feed by reaching out to him on his birthday. Especially after him not responding to your emails full of anger. Maybe it's time to start looking for another job.
WakingUp Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 I think you need to read a recent thread by MMY about closure. This is almost a mirror version of that thread. And yep, before I get hammered by anyone, I care about OM too. If you are working on your marriage then that is what you do. No bandaids are going to work here. Good grief, when are WS going to actually get it? 1
RickFox Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Leave it alone. In this case you owe him nothing. Go work on you
Praying4Peace Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Just leave it and when you go back to work be very professional. Not in a 'fake and punishing way' but in a normal manner. I hope you don't mind me asking this but since you are married, did you just want him to continue the relationship with you until you decided what you wanted to do? A divorce is a real wake up call and suddenly dysfunctional relationships become too much to bear. To be going through a divorce and being with someone who is still married is just too much all at once. But I understand your feelings. Definitely no Happy Birthday!!! ps- can you get a new job? Having him working with you newly single is going to be really difficult while trying to repair you marriage. Does your H know?
MissBee Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 (edited) Ahhh, either talk me out of this or solidify my thoughts... Tomorrow will be one week NC. The last contact we had was an email from him saying that he's sorry but his divorce is painful and our relationship would start with too much baggage so we both need to move on. Then I sent a slew of emails in anger, filled with some rather hurtful things and telling him I wanted him to quit (we are coworkers), F him for stringing me along, he's a POS, etc. (real mature, I know.) He never responded. Then I felt very distraught so I took a couple weeks of leave from work. So, I'm considering a phone call apologizing for being so rude, also his birthday is tomorrow (wishing him happy birthday), and just trying to make sure things won't be an absolute sh**fest when I get back to work. Ahhh, I don't know. I think during breakups we need a designated friend to throw away our phones, computers and other internet and communication devices ...seriously. Back in the day before cell phones, texts and emails, you couldn't obsessively shoot of angry texts and emails back to back like a mad person, then try to undo it with the whim of your emotions. Now it is so easy during breakups to instantly do things we can't undo. I know you want to now backtrack and email him to make things better and say happy birthday, but it will just make you seem crazy and all over the place. Don't tell him happy birthday. Send a simple email saying you would like to be cordial and professional at work and don't want things to affect your career and leave it at that. Don't make it personal, don't emote about your relationship or wish him happy birthday or act like friends...simply say you will be professional and cordial at work IF you INSIST on emailing. But I'd just not bother to email and let my actions speak for me. Simply go to work, hold your head up and treat him cordially...he'll get the message Edited July 4, 2013 by MissBee
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