Jump to content

Are we dating?

Elle1975

By Elle1975
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Elle1975 Established Member

Elle1975

Posted
Posted

I met this man 3 weeks ago. The circumstances were untypical as I had actually put an ad for a friend with benefit. Tired of the games, I'm 39, I decided a FWB type situation would at least fill the physical craving that I was experiencing. And.. I actually met this nice guy. Guess I can't do FWB even when I decide to.

 

We went on 4 dates. He invited me to spend the week end at his beach house and we had a great time. He's very affectionate, pays for everything even if I offer to share (actually gets offended when I pull my wallet out). Basically, everything is doing great.

 

On our first date he even called me the same night to tell me he had a great time. We hold hands, he's affectionate, etc.. We exchanged our view on parenthood, family, etc..

 

Now, I wonder, are we dating? I wonder when if it's too early to ask him what we're doing. On one hand i don't want to rush it, on another I don't want to get emotionally involved for nothing. Since we met through a specific ad, I wonder where he stands.

 

I'm 39, he's 45.

 

Thanks for your greatly appreciated and experienced input.

pteromom Established Member

pteromom

Posted
Posted

You need to talk to him.

 

I would assume it is FWB unless you both decide otherwise, since that is what you defined the relationship as upfront.

 

He is the ONLY one who knows whether he is getting feelings for you, or just working his way up to the sex he wants.

  • Author
Elle1975 Established Member

Elle1975

Posted
  • Author
Posted
You need to talk to him.

 

I would assume it is FWB unless you both decide otherwise, since that is what you defined the relationship as upfront.

 

He is the ONLY one who knows whether he is getting feelings for you, or just working his way up to the sex he wants.

 

We had sex, not an issue. I don't feel like that's what he wants since we actually go out. A couple days ago it went that way.. movies, sex, restaurant.. in that order :)

  • Author
Elle1975 Established Member

Elle1975

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Any input on asking him what we're doing? Too early?

BradJacobs Established Member

BradJacobs

Posted
Posted
Any input on asking him what we're doing? Too early?

Way too early. You're guaranteed sex right now because that's what your ad said that you'd be.

 

I don't have emotional feelings one way or another about my FWBs. I treat them as I would a friend I was having sex with which means a baseline level of civility and affection. A few have made the mistake since it wasn't a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am arrangement that it meant I wanted more.

 

They were mistaken and that usually ended it.

 

If he says just a fwb and nothing more what are you going to do? Feel hurt and rejected?

BradJacobs Established Member

BradJacobs

Posted
Posted
I find it simply amazing that people can share their bodies with others - one of the most intimate things a human being can do - yet TALKING about their status is "too early" and "taboo."

Her Craigslist ad (taking a guess) asked for a fwb partner. That's what she has. After four "dates" and three weeks the OP all ready wants to change the rules? That's what is too early.

 

Not certain how much FWB sex you've had but it's not an emotionally intimate event as much as it is a physically satisfying one.

  • Author
Elle1975 Established Member

Elle1975

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I find it simply amazing that people can share their bodies with others - one of the most intimate things a human being can do - yet TALKING about their status is "too early" and "taboo."

 

Really??? I swear to God I think I'm living on some kind of alternate universe.

 

OP, either this guy is a really great FWB who treats you really well (because most are just looking to hit it and quit it, not wine you and dine you) or he's inexperienced as hell and has no clue that he doesn't have to 'date' you in order to get sex.

 

Look - if you can have sex with him, you can TALK to him. Stop disrespecting yourself.

 

We talk, he treats me extremely well, I have no complains. And I am not using the guy as some might think.

 

I am wondering if I should ask to define what's going on for sure because if the intent was fwb, it turns out to be something else. Or so it feels. However, I do NOT read minds (neither does he).

 

When I was younger I had a f buddy, I never held hands with him at the movies, he never took me out (especially after sex), never was affectionate, etc.. so the whole thing is confusing.

 

If we're in the FWB deal, that's fine, I will act accordingly, date other people even. If we're not, I'll open up for more.

 

I am not sure how to ask, if it's proper to ask.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
Posted

I am not sure how to ask, if it's proper to ask.

It is always proper to ask when you feel you should ask. From personal experience, it doesn't pay to be reticent in romantic relationships. You sometimes just have to have the balls to come out with it.

 

You put an ad in and now you are wondering what the set up is. You have to ask him. My advice is not to give up on romantic relationships but recognise your own needs as clearly you are not looking for an FWB. If you are lucky he isn't either.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Elle1975 Established Member

Elle1975

Posted
  • Author
Posted
It is always proper to ask when you feel you should ask. From personal experience, it doesn't pay to be reticent in romantic relationships. You sometimes just have to have the balls to come out with it.

 

You put an ad in and now you are wondering what the set up is. You have to ask him. My advice is not to give up on romantic relationships but recognise your own needs as clearly you are not looking for an FWB. If you are lucky he isn't either.

 

I was, so I thought. One of those temper tantrums "enough with the bs". I'll never do that again, for sure.

 

Our last date he was adamant about seeing where I lived. It felt as he wanted to make sure I wasn't married or something similar.

 

I'll let you know.

  • Like 1
Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
Posted
I was, so I thought. One of those temper tantrums "enough with the bs". I'll never do that again, for sure.

 

Our last date he was adamant about seeing where I lived. It felt as he wanted to make sure I wasn't married or something similar.

 

I'll let you know.

Good luck :)

BluEyeL Established Member

BluEyeL

Posted
Posted

I think you are a FWB at this point, although that could change in the future if he catches feelings. However, that might not happen. It is too early to ask after 4 dates. If you enjoy the experience, I would just go with it up to three months or so. By that time, he should be able to know exactly what he wants. I think in the beginning he wouldn't be able to tell you for sure, because it might very well be that he doesn't know yet. You asking early could just look like pressure and trying to change the arrangement before he's ready. He might not be ready ever, but waiting and enjoying the dates and the treatment and then ask, could give him more time to really get to know you and decide either way. It will also give YOU more time to decide what you want from him.

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted
We talk, he treats me extremely well, I have no complains. And I am not using the guy as some might think.

 

I am wondering if I should ask to define what's going on for sure because if the intent was fwb, it turns out to be something else. Or so it feels. However, I do NOT read minds (neither does he).

 

When I was younger I had a f buddy, I never held hands with him at the movies, he never took me out (especially after sex), never was affectionate, etc.. so the whole thing is confusing.

If we're in the FWB deal, that's fine, I will act accordingly, date other people even. If we're not, I'll open up for more.

 

I am not sure how to ask, if it's proper to ask.

 

I had couple of FWBs and we did all the bolded things so that doesn't mean anything.

  • 2 weeks later...
  • Author
Elle1975 Established Member

Elle1975

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I said I'd update my post..

 

So.. we're dating! He told his friends about me and everything is going great.

 

I agree, I'm lucky. :)

 

Thanks all for your inputs ^^

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...