Should I have a rebound during NC?

[AppleFudge]

Me and my ex boyfriend broke up 1 and a half months ago. Since then he messed me around a little bit, saying he'll give me another chance, taking me out and then not talking to me much anymore. There were a few times when we managed to stay in contact, but I would destroy it by telling him my feelings.

 

Basically I blew it. I done everything I shouldn't have. I begged, pleaded, drunk dialed, all that stuff. He eventually said "after all those drunk messages, its made me think we shouldn't try and get back together, and should just stop talking". I left it on a positive note, deciding I wanted my last message to him to be a positive and nice one, pretending I'm accepting the break up.

 

I'm now doing the no contact rule, I'm not sure if not talking to him would help considering I harassed him so much, but he really loved me and I'm sure he can realize how much love hes throwing away, time tells all.

But I spend every day home, mostly alone, crying and searching through love forums for help. I can't really see my friends, for numerous reasons.

 

They say you should try dating during NC, and here's my dilemma...

 

There isn't a whole lot of guys I'm interested in, some have approached me, but I don't want to see them at all.

There is a guy I used to be "seeing" romantically, who has gotten back in touch with me. I was seeing him 4 years ago, and then again before I got into the relationship with the guy I can't get over. I told my ex boyfriend about my past, and he ended up disliking this guy I used to be seeing, because he didn't like that we weren't officially together but were just fooling around basically.

I know seeing this guy again would bring my confidence up, stop me feeling lonely, maybe make me feel okay to go out there and do stuff again.

 

It'll help me better myself, and higher my value, which is what you're supposed to do to attract the ex boyfriend again.

But if me and my ex ever work things out, I wouldn't be able to lie about it, especially if me and this guy kissed. And so that could hurt my ex, he could just turn around and go "I thought I could come back, but that's really hurt me, I know I wasn't there at the time but I didn't think you would jump into seeing someone you know I dislike so much"...

So basically, it's a good thing for me to do, but a bad thing for the possible relationship I may be able to get back one day What should I do?

 

I don't intend on doing anything with this guy, I was just gonna meet up with him for something innocent, maybe keep seeing him, and go no further for the first month of no contact until it seems for sure that my ex isn't getting back in touch with me first, and I need to get myself together before I try and initiate anything.

 

It would be pretty innocent, but my ex boyfriend is a sensitive guy, and if we worked it out in however many months it takes, I'd never want him to think that I even for a second gave up on him and stopped caring. But I just don't know whats best, caring, and staying at home upset...

Edited July 4, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[SimonSerenade]

No you shouldn't, it'll make you think of your ex a whole lot more afterwards, give the love to yourself and get to a place where you want to be with someone or blast milk bottles with someone without your ex being a factor in it, from now on everything you do is based on you and nobody else, don't do something if your heart truly isn't in it

[maturityassets]

Really? Your end goal is to get back together with your ex? While you are devastated about it? Look you're not the only one who has done these things after a break up, I would say the majority of dumpees have done all the wrong things after a break up at least once in their life. I did some similar actions as well but it wasn't all my fault, and that you have to realize it. It wasn't all my fault, she initially said she would like to come back one day but after some events after the break up she said she doesn't want anything more than to be friends in the future. I pleaded for forgiveness as well but now its done and I ended it positively as well but now I'm moving on.

Look I'm sorry to have to tell you this but your end goal is to be move on and live for yourself. So if you really think you can handle another relationship at the moment, who cares what your ex thinks? I'm not saying this guy from your past who you see as a rebound is a right guy to date, seems like you are forcing it. But do understand you shouldn't be doing anything out of how your ex might react. Your ex has decided to break you guys off, has hooked up with other girls, has you on the back burner to when he feels like coming back and you are questioning whether what you do is correct because you are worried what your ex might want in the future. Your actions after the break up is nothing you should feel guilty for, the way reacted is just you and there is nothing wrong with you. You didn't like how you reacted, then you try to understand yourself and figure out why you reacted that way. Self improve on yourself. Show you can live a future without this person who has hurt you, even though they might have been amazing in the Relationship. He is living his own life as should you.

 

I'm sorry though if I do seem a bit harsh or terse. But I get upset when I see the dumper still controlling the life of the dumpee, even after they have decided to end a relationship. You are your own self. If you really think a rebound will help you feel better about yourself, do it, only you know yourself. But if you decide to stay single, you should not stay single for your ex. You stay single because it is the best way to cope after a break up, and the best way is always live for yourself because it's your life; not "his'" or "ours' " but your's! I just want to see the best for you is all I want to see you just as much as everyone else on this forum who has ever gotten dumped become happy again, regardless if their future is with or without their ex . Best of luck

[lop98]

Your ex doesn't want you in his life, not after the pleading, the drunk calls, the decent calls, nothing, you're out. Stop thinking on what may hurt him, he's certainly not sitting in a couch day and night thinking about it.

 

If that guy makes you feel good, helps you take the pain away, speeds up on your way to recovery, absolutely go for it. I don't believe in replacing or rebounding, but after a certain degree of pain and heartbreak, there is the option of leaning on a new person and finding comfort and building something solid with him/her... if you feel like trying that, giving up the thoughts about any possible chances with your ex, with no intentions of playing with the feelings of this other guy, and most importantly, if you feel like you can still give something in a new relationship, I think it's worth a shot.