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Posted

Recap 5 years together 3 months Nc

 

So, I have been moving on, meeting friends living my life.

I signed up for classes and some workshops to work on my resume.

 

It's been 3 months since me and my SO broke up with NC.

 

I had removed him from everything! the pictures! the presents everything.

 

I hang out with a few guys that like me but I can't seem to get attached to any of them no matter how hard I try, and in the back of my mind I think "they will leave me in 5 years time" since all my relationships seemed to have ended on that mark. It's a terrible thought I know but I loved my EX so much. I guess you could also say he was the first to make it final. The first guy to leave me in all the relationships I had.

 

Somewhere I thought that maybe after a few months he would see life isn't better without me. I was wrong :( He contacted me today to see how I was doing, I said I was fine.

 

I asked the question I probably shouldn't ask, I asked "Are you happier now do you still like your choice to leave? he replied with "I have been doing good. I do prefer this, I think it was better for both of us, it makes everything much easier."

 

I am crushed all over again and I have *blocked* him from FB now. I was a fool to think when he'd talk to me it would be I missed you etc, so stupid I just kept dreaming it would come true. Now I know it's really over, and not by my choice this is prob the hardest thing I have ever had to face:mad:

 

When will this nightmare end!

Posted

well, i do not know much about your situation. but your ex's response sounds like the circumstances of the LDR were too hard for him. that things are easier means that he's no longer dealing with the deprivation and uncertainty of a long-distance relationship and (maybe) the pain of your relationship when it was no longer working at the end. his reply does not mean he does not care about you. i do think it is wise to go NC and stay in NC for a long long time. feel better.

  • Like 1
Posted

I'm sorry, Omei.

You are not a fool, don't feel stupid. I think it's quite human to hope until reality hits us in the face and we suddenly see that things definitely won't turn out the way we wanted them to.

I don't see anything wrong with you asking that question either. At least you know where you stand now.

 

You were doing good before, try to get back on track and continue with everything you took up during the past few months. I might be wrong, but I have the feeling although you were moving on, you secretly might have hoped for him to come back one day and stare in awe at all things you've been doing in the meantime.

This time, do it for yourself. Try not to think about what he would say if he saw you taking that class, having fun with your friends or learning that particular new skill. It's about you now. Take care of yourself. You'll get through this!

  • Like 3
Posted

So sorry Omei, pretty impossible to not have hope of reconciliation when you still love someone and have been together a long time, when my last partner left me, he was clearly struggling with the break up, we'd been together nearly 2 decades so it wasn't easy for him either, we kept meeting up, but for me that kept hope alive. After 6 months I had to ask him if there was hope to try again and he said there wasn't.

But as painful as it was, it meant I could finally stop being in limbo and let go.

Big hugs to you, keep posting here.

  • Like 2
Posted

Omei, NC wasn't broken.

YOU broke No Contact.

 

Face this.

Face it head on.

Accept it, and look it square in the eye.

 

You know now.

It's over.

 

Why the hell would he contact you if everything is so good for him now?

Answer: in order to get closure - for himself. In order to satisfy himself that he did the right thing, and that you, in speaking to him, have moved on sufficiently, to let him off the hook.

He contacted you for his own benefit and peace of mind, not yours.

 

And you gave it to him.

The nightmare will end when you begin to emerge form your mourning period.

You're still in trauma - but much of it has been due to your living in a shock-fog.

 

Now, he's made it amply clear: there is no going back, and he's not missing you at all; at least, not in sufficient measure to warrant reconciliation.

He feels better now. He's definitely let himself off the guilt-hook, and knows that if he contacts you, it's likely you'll respond (ego-feed).

 

Re-establish No Contact in every possible which-way.

Block his number and install a call/text blocker app, too. (There are a number of good ones, FOC available....)

 

Don't 'snowball' and don't try to find 'substitute' happiness. You're not out to replace him.

You're embarking on a new life, and everything should be measured in its own right, not in comparison.

 

If you don't feel ready to date, and to evaluate new companions on their own merit, then don't. It's not fair on you, and it most certainly isn't fair on them.

Be good to yourself, but take a deep breath, pin your shoulders back, and face forward.

The more you keep looking back, the less far you'll progress.

  • Like 2
  • Author
Posted

You were doing good before, try to get back on track and continue with everything you took up during the past few months. I might be wrong, but I have the feeling although you were moving on, you secretly might have hoped for him to come back one day and stare in awe at all things you've been doing in the meantime.

This time, do it for yourself. Try not to think about what he would say if he saw you taking that class, having fun with your friends or learning that particular new skill. It's about you now. Take care of yourself. You'll get through this!

 

I was, hoping.

 

I can't wait to start classes im a shy person but I intend to push myself so hard to get involved with my classmates.

 

TaraMaiden I know what you say is right, I am having a very hard time not looking back, esp since I didn't want to leave, I have a very hard time letting go of people, once in love I have a very hard time falling out of love, I will admit it's probably because im very partner dependant for my happiness. I don't wanna be like that which is why I am going to try to remain single for at last a year something I have never done. I met my first bf at 17 and I have always been with someone untill now 26. With maybe a month or 2 or break up in between.

Posted

I'm sorry you're hurting. It may be hard for you to see now but that relationship drug you down more than you must realize. You're 26 years old, you have a daughter, and you had to put up with stupid crap like his friends throwing a fit about you playing a game with him/them?? I'm amazed that you could hold respect for the guy all of this time, to be honest. It seems like you did alot of chasing after him. You deserve more than having to run after someone to make them love you.

  • Author
Posted
I'm sorry you're hurting. It may be hard for you to see now but that relationship drug you down more than you must realize. You're 26 years old, you have a daughter, and you had to put up with stupid crap like his friends throwing a fit about you playing a game with him/them?? I'm amazed that you could hold respect for the guy all of this time, to be honest. It seems like you did alot of chasing after him. You deserve more than having to run after someone to make them love you.

 

I wouldn't say in the last year or so I really respected him, But I didn't do anything to disrespect him. I am sure he would not agree.

 

I have a hard time letting go, and as time passes it seems like it looks like I don't have much self respect, I wanna work on that.

  • Author
Posted

So, I had a friend ask me out, I said yes that I would go on some dates. I know I said id stay single for a while idk what came over me when I said sure, I guess its because I didn't think it would hurt he's nice im not really like "wow I so want this guy!" or anything I still think about my ex.

 

But I am having fun! He kissed me a few times after the 4th time we went out.

 

I like how it is, I am not ready to date and maybe he feel's that. He is def the one initiating conversation most of the time, I like how he only asked 1 thing "Do you like anyone else?" I said "no" and he asked if id be keeping that way for a while I said yes. He hasn't pushed for anything at all, or spoke about dating talk since, which I like a lot.

 

I am going to his house to just watch TV and have a BBQ this week.

Its been really chill.

 

I still think about my ex everyday and almost every dream, It is hurting less tho. And one more thing I noticed :).....I didn't think I would be ever able to picture myself doing anything sexual with another man......now I can, not ready too and wont for quite a while! But at least I can.

 

Just thought id share p.s I start going to a workshop class next tues! :)

  • Like 2
Posted

Great to hear! :)

When my long term ex left (the 18yr one) the thought of being with anyone else and having sex with them was repulsive, but that changed 6 months later when I met my current partner :laugh: I found I very much could be sexual with another person :o

Just enjoy hanging out with this guy :)

 

 

 

So, I had a friend ask me out, I said yes that I would go on some dates. I know I said id stay single for a while idk what came over me when I said sure, I guess its because I didn't think it would hurt he's nice im not really like "wow I so want this guy!" or anything I still think about my ex.

 

But I am having fun! He kissed me a few times after the 4th time we went out.

 

I like how it is, I am not ready to date and maybe he feel's that. He is def the one initiating conversation most of the time, I like how he only asked 1 thing "Do you like anyone else?" I said "no" and he asked if id be keeping that way for a while I said yes. He hasn't pushed for anything at all, or spoke about dating talk since, which I like a lot.

 

I am going to his house to just watch TV and have a BBQ this week.

Its been really chill.

 

I still think about my ex everyday and almost every dream, It is hurting less tho. And one more thing I noticed :).....I didn't think I would be ever able to picture myself doing anything sexual with another man......now I can, not ready too and wont for quite a while! But at least I can.

 

Just thought id share p.s I start going to a workshop class next tues! :)

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