A new view on GIGS and why the good guy always loses the girl (or viceversa)

[ggas]

So today my ex sent me a message (I suppose she wanted to vent) explaining lots of things (I posted my breakup story). I had a revelation. There are plenty of threads and opinions on GIGS and somehow it is always that "the good partner" gets dumped. So here is what I realized:

 

The partner that has been dumped did ALMOST nothing wrong! The problem is that because he/she was so good, the other partner lost respect for him/herself. BUT here is the catch. We as emotional beings, we hardly ever recognize that we lose respect for ourselves. More often than not, we project this state of mind onto the partner, so somehow we begin to think that our partner is "not respecting us" or "doesn't admire us" the way they should. That's why the GIGS partner suddenly feels the need of something/someone new. The new person will "respect/admire more" just because they don't know the GIGS dumper so there's nothing projected onto them... YET. More often than not, the GIGS dumper is "confused/unsure..." with respect to the dumpee because he/she realizes on some level that this comes from inside and not because of the dumpee strictly speaking.

 

Also more often than not, the dumper either goes to someone ****ty or if the new person is also nice, they will have the same problem as before and will either go/try to go back to the ex or go in another dead end relationship. Until some inner issues are solved this erratic GIGS behaviour will cause only pain to the GIGS person and to the partner. How many guys/girls do you know that moved from one serious relationship to another and somehow they are in some vicious cycle. Until both partners can be happy with themselves and have their own separate lives, they will not be able to be happy together and live happily together.

 

So to wrap it up... good guys and girls. Stop being so good. Let your partners struggle a bit so that it makes it more rewarding for them to spend time with you. You know that saying "It's not interesting if it's not a challenge."

 

REMEMBER... You did nothing wrong except of being "too good". Don't take it as a judgement on yourselves. Rather work on being happy with whom you are and help your (future) partner be happy with whom they are and I promise you, you will be happy together!

 

Love to all

 

P.S. you are most welcome to share your thoughts on this or on any of my previous posts. Cheers

[USMCHokie]

Or...the "good partner" was not good enough and was simply unaware of it and was in denial about it.

[SimonSerenade]

That's quite a healthy way of looking at things, I gave up blaming myself a long time a go, I wasn't a perfect boyfriend but I wasn't a bad one either, I know I did all I could to make her happy even when she got to the point of putting zero effort in, my only regret was not being the one to walk away, I knew she didn't want the commitment, she even told me so, she put on a cold and cruel front, probably an effort to push me away, It's been just over a month since she left and honestly, I'm over it, I just couldn't give a crap anymore, dealing with somebody with this sort of mindset is draining wether it be gigs or not, my advice to anyone hanging in there, just drop and run, it ain't worth it.

[travelonic]

Or...the "good partner" was not good enough and was simply unaware of it and was in denial about it.

 

Then would it even fit the definition of GIGS if it was down to that?

 

ACTUALLY being good enough or not, it is was my understanding that the PERCEPTION [versus reality] in the person gong through GIGS is what mattered the most... or was one of the biggest factors.

[CaliBabe]

I actually agree with this. Just my opinion though.