JRose Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 My ex broke up with me two months ago, we had only dated a year but it was a very intense year and we lived together for four months. I have had two other serious relationships and never felt the way for them as I have felt (and still very much do) for him. I cannot even describe the feelings I had for him it was an incredible connection, I felt safe, loved, needed etc. he was everything I wanted, he was basically my world I put my heart and soul into him. The beginning of our relationship was absolutely amazing. Then we started fighting more often over silly things such as me wanting him to spend more time with him and him feeling "whipped" and eventually I started to feel very lonely and a bit depressed. This inevitably pushed him away. He is a naturally happy/easygoing person and didn't seem to Regardless he wasn't around when I needed him. One day he just said "we are incompatible at the juncture in our lives" packed his things up, left me and completely shattered my heart. He fought so hard to win me, he wanted to MARRY me, and then all of a sudden he wasn't trying to keep me...The rejection of this has been devastating. I have never been broken up with and the grief I am feeling just doesn't seem to be going away. I have been trying to do all of the things everyone recommends. My family and friends have been a great support system, I've been excersising, finding new hobbies, meeting new people, throwing myself into anything I can. I got a promotion at work. I was doing so well and then he texted me that he wanted to have coffee with me...a piece of me wanted to see him so desperately I decided to go. The worst decision I could have made. For that hour my world stopped spinning so violently and felt calm again. Everything was okay, I was okay, he was there, it felt like it used to. We chatted about this and that then he gave me a very long hug and said "it was really nice to see you" and we walked away from each other. The second I got in my apartment door I collapsed on the kitchen floor and sobbed uncontrollably. This happened to be on my moving day so I was surrounded by boxes and the feeling of utter failure. I am right back at square one and I feel like nothing makes sense anymore. I just can't picture myself meeting anyone who makes me feel the way he did and it terrifies me. I have just moved into a new place with a friend of mine and it all feels so strange and overwhelming. I don't know how to be happy anymore. I know he is not responsible for my happiness but I feel so lonely and I can't wrap my head around this loss. I want to be a happier more positive person but I don't know how when I feel so alone. How can I love myself again and feel content. I would do ANYTHING to feel relaxed and content. How can one man make me feel like I have no purpose anymore. I have major anxiety and am trying to cope with it. I went to see a therapist for the first time in my life. I'm not sure if it is helping. I feel so at odds with everything it is affecting my life tremendously.
hellischrome Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Oh Jesus, it must be so hard for you... I felt that for a while years ago but it only lasted 24 hours because he then realized he made a huge mistake. After that, we stayed together for 5 years. I know the feeling, is like you are totally empty. I am on a break up at the moment, but I dated this guy for 6 really intense month, which is still nothing compared to years. I do feel really bad, but your situation is quite different. Surround yourself with people or animals (I have two dogs and God, they help!), just give yourself time to heal. You WILL find someone new, because that is how it works baby. I promise!
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