How Do You Deal With Seeing Better Looking People...?

[HopelessRomantic76]

The truth is we get the best we can with what we have to offer,its a little disingenuous to say id take my partner over that 10 when chances that most people can get that 10 are slim to none. Now have that person in a relationship spend some time with that 10 make a connection and maybe add in some adult beverages and alot of us might be singing a different tune:laugh:

[anne1707]

Yes, this is the difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to them (which a couple posters disagreed with me about, claiming there is no difference; I think there is).

 

But this is key to it all. There is such a huge difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to someone. I find it rather sad that some cannot see that difference - it must make maintaining a LTR very difficult and unfulfilling.

[JustAReformedGirl]

Depends on how I'm feeling, day-to-day. If I'm having a "fat" day (know this loosely means a day where I find multiple things unattractive about myself; not just excess cellulite) I do my absolute best to ignore the t.v. ads, and to not focus too much on the "prettier" people in public. But sometimes, it's hard to look away from a Victoria's Secret commercial. Usually by the time I do, the damage has already been done. Hell, I've had days where I felt pretty good about myself go right out the window, thanks to stuff like that.

 

The media is cruel to both genders; I've noticed a lot of it in regards to men, as well.

 

I find I'm less prone to these feelings with time, though. I used to feel much worse about myself, than I do now. I've never been a shallow person, but when it comes to myself, I'd find more fault with my body. I could look at a bigger woman than I, and see her as vivacious and beautiful. But to look at myself? I couldn't see myself the same way. I guess we're our own worst critics. Some of us, anyway.

 

Like I said, getting better with time. I'm coming more to terms with the fact that no one is really perfect; perfect is subjective, depending on who you talk to, and in general, an illusion. We all have flaws, inside and out.

 

I'm a good person; I don't love myself, but I do like and respect myself enough to know that that is worth more than looks, alone. On my good days, I never get conceited; I just feel good, inside and out, and take notice of my nicer physical attributes. I also remind myself that it takes all kinds, and that all kinds can be attractive to someone else. I'm not thin, and nor do I feel thin is synonymous with "beautiful". I'm also not "obese". Like I said, some larger woman can be quite a bit more attractive than super models. Attractiveness comes down to attitude.

 

As for men? Again, I feel it takes all kinds, and I'm not drawn more to one body type over any other. The guys I genuinely like are not based on their physique.

 

There are days where I want to crawl under a rock, but more often than not, I opt to fight these feelings of inadequacy. After all, I don't think these "prettier" people are better than I, and nor do I feel I am better than them. More importantly, when I think about the fact that the media puts too much focus on these things to keep us from taking notice of what's important, I get mad enough that I rebel against their way of thinking. There are much more important things going on in the world, than physical appearance.

[GoodOnPaper]

The last year or so that I was single, I easily related to this . . .

 

When i see a hot women i first get a little aorused then pissed that i could never get her

 

When I was younger I may have been prone to making mental comparisons, but now my preference is to just not put myself in the company of women who are distractingly gorgeous if at all possible -- if it can't be helped because of something work-related, etc., I am respectful and professional. Deep down, I just feel too self-conscious about my own lack of sex appeal. Fortunately, between where I live and my line of work, such women are few and far between.

[Ruby Slippers]

In your experience, do you believe that it this is true of men as well...?

 

I think this is a big difference between men and women. Men generally can't turn off their radar. This is something a lot of women have trouble understanding. If a man ever tells you that he doesn't notice other women when you're around, he's lying. What women need to understand is that it has nothing to do with you or how much he loves you. It's just instinct.

I think it's a spectrum. Believe me, I have female friends who look no matter what their relationship status is. And I've been with more than one guy who I never saw looking. I think it's less a gender thing and more an individual thing.

 

I do the same thing with cars. I look at cars all the time, and if I see one that I haven't seen before I'll stare at it and peek in the windows if it's parked. I don't want to buy it, I just want to see it. I just like cars.

My boyfriend does this. I even told him I love how he only has a wandering eye for cars, not women It's true. I've never once noticed him checking out another woman. But he's constantly scoping out hot cars, and he will stop to wander around a hot car, look through the windows at the interior, and narrate his experience. He approaches this hobby with a lust and enthusiasm that I've only seen applied otherwise to me

 

I guess it's realizing the point at which we face reality and realize that not everyone will pair up with the most attractive people. We might not feel like we're "settling," but aren't we settling...?

I just had a difficult conversation with my boyfriend recently about this topic. The man is FINE. I'm cute/sexy, and I have a lot more going for me beyond looks, but objectively, he's model good-looking and could get the prettiest and hottest girls. I've seen the way women react to him, and he's aware of it, too - though relatively humble and never flirtatious in return. He's also emotionally reserved and not generous with the verbal feel-goods, so sometimes I wonder just how into me he is.

 

He said he loves me, he loves making me happy, and he'll try to change his personality to be more verbally effusive if that's what I want. (It's not - I just want us to find a place of harmony, and I think we can.) He reassured me that I'm the girl he wants, and if he wanted someone else, he'd go for it, and he certainly wouldn't have come back around after I broke it off with him 6 months ago.

 

The thing is, I have no doubt he is and will remain loyal and devoted. I just have to get my mind around this amazing, hot guy offering himself up with sincerity and devotion to little old me. It's a hard life lol

[Mme. Chaucer]

My bf claims that I'm always the hottest woman in the room.

 

 

Hey! That's what my husband says! Of course, we're always alone in our house …

 

 

Seriously. Attractive people have zero influence on my relationship and I can't even imagine how they could.

 

When I was younger I was worried about women who were hotter, prettier, etc. and what my then boyfriends were thinking about them.

 

As I gained maturity, that all went away. There are ALWAYS gorgeous people. They have nothing to do with me or my husband aside from probably noticing how gorgeous they are. They certainly wouldn't make either of us feel like we "settled." Settled for what, exactly, anyway? A less than perfect physical specimen of human?

 

Well, I guess if your aim is to get with the most perfect one possible, then it would be an issue for you. Most people are looking for many other things in a partner. Physical perfection is not even usually one of them.

[xxoo]

If your goal is to have the biggest possible house, you might feel dissatisfied with your own house whenever you see a bigger one.

 

If the goal is to have a house that feels the most like home, that rarely happens--because the house you personally create feels the most like home.

 

For me, it is similar in relationships. This is where my heart feels at home, and the outer package becomes very secondary to the feeling I have when we are together.

 

Just because another man may be better looking doesn't mean I want to wake up to his face every morning. I married the face I want to wake up to every morning.

[KungFuJoe]

I know for a fact that my wife could have gotten a better LOOKING guy than me. But there's no way in hell she could find a better PERSON than me...for her.

 

And she knows it.

 

Although I should add that she thinks I'm perfect for her physically as well...so it all depends on your own wants and desires.

[Mme. Chaucer]

This whole idea sounds more like shopping for a thing than getting involved on an intimate level with another person.

[joystickd]

There are some I feel sorry for because all they can ever offer is just how they look

[MidwestUSA]

My man and I were at the casino, standing in line, when he said "Look honey, everyone's looking at us, we're the hottest couple in this place". Sure enough, I looked up from picking the gum off the bottom of my very expensive cowboy boot. The 60 to 70 year olds, some with walkers, some in wheelchairs, all of them smoking (some with oxygen) were indeed staring at us. Probably wondering how I was balancing with one boot nearly at my waist. But I wasn't gonna pee in his Wheaties!

[mesmerized]

with better looking women I might feel a bit of jealousy or intimidation and sometimes they just peak my interest and I feel like I want to get to know them. With better looking men I don't usually feel intimidated (sometimes I do) but just think about how they would be in bed.

[BradJacobs]

Simple question... Regardless of whether you're married, in a serious relationship, casually dating, or completely single, how do you deal with seeing good looking people day-to-day, whether it's in real life, in popular media, porn, etc.? How does it affect your relationship, if it all, and how do you deal with it? Or how did you deal with it?

The same way that I deal with admiring art: it's not mine to take home.

 

I have a girl that isn't perfect and I prefer her that way. I am not perfect either but she prefers me this way. If we resembled two perfect works of art I don't believe we'd act the same way around one another and I'd miss that level of realism and honesty.

[Star Gazer]

There are some I feel sorry for because all they can ever offer is just how they look

 

Bingo.

 

.....

[Ruby Slippers]

This whole idea sounds more like shopping for a thing than getting involved on an intimate level with another person.

Shop till ya drop!

[MissBee]

Simple question... Regardless of whether you're married, in a serious relationship, casually dating, or completely single, how do you deal with seeing good looking people day-to-day, whether it's in real life, in popular media, porn, etc.? How does it affect your relationship, if it all, and how do you deal with it? Or how did you deal with it?

 

Not sure if I get the question tbh....

 

What's there to "deal with" when you see better looking people? Better looking than who? You or your SO?

 

There's nothing to deal with. I look and move on. It doesn't occupy my mind. Looking good doesn't mean I'm attracted to you or we have chemistry or I want you...you simply look good. So for me, when I see a good looking person, I may admire them for that while but it doesn't change my life or my feelings about my SO.

[shexy]

I don't need to deal....there's never been an impact.

 

I've never seen anyone good looking enough to make me forget all my manners and just attack them or walk up to them and start licking them or anything. I do have some self control.

[kiss_andmakeup]

There's really not much to "deal with," from my perspective. I'm extremely attracted to my boyfriend (physically), and we're also a great match emotionally, socially, and with regards to our senses of humour and shared interests. Do I see men that are probably considered objectively more attractive than him? Male model types with more symmetrical, "chiseled" faces and fitter bodies? Sure. Do I swoon over them? Not even close.

 

He's the whole package, as far as I'm concerned. Seeing more "conventionally attractive" men out and about really does nothing to impact my relationship - it's a completely neutral event.

 

When I see women more attractive than me, I do sometimes wonder, "I wonder if he wishes he could be with her." Then I think of my own stance on the same but opposite matter and realize what a silly thing that is to worry about. I know he's crazy about me, and that's all that I could ask for. We can both appreciate the "scenery," but that doesn't mean we'd give up what we have with each other for it.

[Weezy1973]

From a single dude's perspective, when I'm out and about and I see a very attractive guy, I'm not intimidated, but I assume every single woman in the vicinity is interested in him and not me.

 

Very attractive women on the other hand, done faze me. I've come to realize that pure looks really aren't that important when it comes to overall attraction. That being said, I've given women more of a chance just because they were good looking. That being said, the most physically attractive women I know, I would never date. Ever. Most of them are bubbly. I hate bubbly.

[USMCHokie]

Thanks for the responses.

[SJC2008]

Yes, this is the difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to them (which a couple posters disagreed with me about, claiming there is no difference; I think there is).

 

Well that's becasue... Haha!

[Star Gazer]

Well that's becasue... Haha!

 

 

Admit I'm right. NOW! Do it!

[Ninjainpajamas]

I think there is difference between men and women on many levels, I think for women it's easier for them to see the guy they are with currently with and invested in as the "ultimate package", that this is "the guy", especially as the relationship progresses because they ultimate seek something long-term, they just add more and more onto it because they want this to be the "perfect" guy and they're very willing to kind of build this life and love with someone, that's the end goal so everything encompasses that is influenced by that perspective. Once they are emotionally invested and able to build that trust and companionship it just resonates deeper for them. Unlike men they are less inclined to have a wandering eye if they're in what they feel is a satisfying relationship, although they may be truly unaware of the state of their relationship with that man is women tend to speak for men and their emotions based on their interpretation and "belief".

 

For men it's a different dynamic, even while being for the most part satisfied, there is always that other woman who at the least may represent a greater sex appeal or physical desirability...the penis doesn't think or make decisions based on feelings, it's a quick reaction or swift kick to the gut. You'll notice a lot of married men or men in long-term relationships, whom although loves their wives/partners and are mostly satisfied with their lives will still take a long gander at the physique of a young/hot woman...and in a parallel universe, where there would be no consequence, 100 percent reassurance of not getting caught...well, as men we know what would happen...that's if he could actually get that kind of girl at his age or dried up game from being in a relationship/marriage that long (obviously a girl on the outside might not think the guy is so "hot"). But that's for us to know as men, and women to believe that doesn't exist...a man with weak boundaries however will prove it to be true, and she might not even be the hottest thing on the block either.

 

The majority of men in marriages/relationship obviously couldn't admit this to their SO and I'd never expect them to, they'd never hear the end of it and that'd earn them a place on the permanent shet list.

 

I will say however for women who are in deeper in relationships though, and have been through that phase of "grab and lockdown" said man because everything is going to be "perfect" forever and in the future...once the future hits, and she's able to actually feel the quality of the relationship and marriage for what is really is over a extended period of time, the illusion or chase can cease, and these women can become faced with the realization that they are very dissatisfied in their relationships...opening the door emotionally, women usually do this emotionally as men tend to stray in a combination of physical then emotional but not limited.

 

I think...like all things...a lack of/comparing yourself to others/intimidation...a seeking to fulfill...a desire or impact of "better looking" people or more desirable or whatever it is...is more of an reflection of how you feel about yourself and your own security within, like many things that affect the people you chose, the relationships you involve yourself in and the situations you choose to be apart...is not as all as "superficial" as it may seem...It's not just because of chemistry, compatibility or even "love" of why you chose that person...things occur for a multitude of reasons from a deeper place within people that is covered in layers and less than obvious.

 

Your choices, your attractions, your desires are all a deeper reflection of something inside of you...you're like a plane just flying over the surface, even when you think you have searched deeper than previously, you attribute more to "that person", that object than you do unto yourself...everything you respond to is a trigger inside of yourself, along with human nature and human psychology.

 

When you have a greater understanding of yourself, that is when you can consider the true "reality", and impact of consequential interactions with the surface.

 

A simple answer to a simple question...as to be expected of course

[tbf]

The argument used to validate having a wandering male eye could easily be offset by asking why women should remain monogamous since it's in her best interests to have multiple providers and protectors.

[EasyHeart]

Because looking isn't cheating. As one of my friends said, "Getting married didn't make me blind".