Author USMCHokie Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 Same here. When I'm in love, other men might as well be women, basically. My radar for other men just shuts off. I have gathered this as well... In your experience, do you believe that it this is true of men as well...?
Author USMCHokie Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 Seeing really attractive women can be a problem because I'm an unabashed lecher. But my GF and I have been together long enough that she understands that I can't turn off my radar, so she's okay with it so long as I just look and don't talk to them. (And don't drool too much). So it's more of a look, "that's nice," and carry about your day?
EasyHeart Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Same here. When I'm in love, other men might as well be women, basically. My radar for other men just shuts off. I think this is a big difference between men and women. Men generally can't turn off their radar. This is something a lot of women have trouble understanding. If a man ever tells you that he doesn't notice other women when you're around, he's lying. What women need to understand is that it has nothing to do with you or how much he loves you. It's just instinct. 2
carhill Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Regardless of whether you're married, in a serious relationship, casually dating, or completely single, how do you deal with seeing good looking people day-to-day, whether it's in real life, in popular media, porn, etc.? How does it affect your relationship, if it all, and how do you deal with it? Or how did you deal with it? Interacting with a variety of people in life, including those generally considered to be widely or universally attractive, both male and female, I came to understand that, under the skin, we're all human and share the realm of human gifts and failings, confidences and insecurities, pleasures and pain. As example, my young model friend and his now fiance happened to be at the beach house I was spending some time at to do some electrical work and I was so thrilled for them that they had finally 'made it official'. They're a young couple who turns heads wherever they go (I've seen it) but are still completely human in their interactions with friends and loved ones. In fact, I spent a good hour talking with his fiance, who had just rolled out of bed when I arrived, about her chiropractic school and what countries she might be interested in visiting/working once complete. Wonderful young lady with a very similar family background to my own, just so happens to turn heads, which I don't/never did. Happy for her successes. That's pretty much how it goes with me.
EasyHeart Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 So it's more of a look, "that's nice," and carry about your day?Pretty much. I do the same thing with cars. I look at cars all the time, and if I see one that I haven't seen before I'll stare at it and peek in the windows if it's parked. I don't want to buy it, I just want to see it. I just like cars. The difference between my car and my GF, though, is that my car doesn't punch me if I look too long. 3
Author USMCHokie Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 I think this is a big difference between men and women. Men generally can't turn off their radar. This is something a lot of women have trouble understanding. If a man ever tells you that he doesn't notice other women when you're around, he's lying. What women need to understand is that it has nothing to do with you or how much he loves you. It's just instinct. So how do you control your radar? And how has your radar ever affected your relationships?
KungFuJoe Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 So for you, it was more an effect of a bad relationship...? Here's a spin off question, if you did feel those jealous "pangs" from seeing a more attractive women, did you ever feel the inclination to change your girlfriend at the time, i.e., "make" her more attractive...? Not necessarily cheat or leave her, but make her more of what you were jealous, for lack of a better term, of? Well...I think it was a lot of things. But, I think the first mistake I made was that I didn't really go for what I really wanted...I went for someone that I knew was a sure thing. I feel really bad even saying this because she was a part of my life for so long, but it's the truth. I was 18, had never even KISSED a girl before, just graduated high school and I was like, "I want a gf". She was a friend of a friend and I knew she liked me and I thought she was cool and I asked her out, and it went from there. But, she was the exact opposite of every girl I've been with since and even girls I liked before her. So I think, for starters, if you "settle", you set yourself up for disappointment and feeling like you missed out. To answer your question, no, I never tried to "change" her. She NEVER wore make up, didn't own a single skirt, didn't own a single pair of heels, etc. She was basically a FOB, though her english was fine and she didn't have much of an accent...but she wasn't "americanized" at all. What's funny is that I still remember...ONE TIME...we went out to a concert and she got all dolled up. Fancy black dress, heels, make up, etc. And she looked GOOD. She was tall and skinny and the heels just accentuated it. I remember noticing that she got a lot of stares her way...more than I ever noticed before. But, it was just that one night...afterwards, the dress went in the closet never to be seen again, don't know where the heels went (probably whoever she borrowed them from) and the makeup also was lost forever. As to why I never bothered asking her for a repeat performance? Probably because I knew that it wasn't her "style"...that it was more work than something she enjoyed (getting dressed up) and I just didn't feel like having to force her to be someone she wasn't. 2
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Pretty much. I do the same thing with cars. I look at cars all the time, and if I see one that I haven't seen before I'll stare at it and peek in the windows if it's parked. I don't want to buy it, I just want to see it. I just like cars. The difference between my car and my GF, though, is that my car doesn't punch me if I look too long. Your car won't boink the mailman either.
Author USMCHokie Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 So I think, for starters, if you "settle", you set yourself up for disappointment and feeling like you missed out. I can certainly understand this... I guess it's realizing the point at which we face reality and realize that not everyone will pair up with the most attractive people. We might not feel like we're "settling," but aren't we settling...?
anne1707 Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 When I am in love and emotionally connected to someone, I don't "see" better looking people, meaning I don't see anyone I'm more attracted to. My H and I were at the gym last night and there was only one man who had a body that grabbed my attention. There may well have been other supposedly more physically attractive men there but I just couldn't see them. The only man there in my eyes was my husband 2
KungFuJoe Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 I can certainly understand this... I guess it's realizing the point at which we face reality and realize that not everyone will pair up with the most attractive people. We might not feel like we're "settling," but aren't we settling...? Yeah, but it's not just one thing or another. It's not how good her face looks or how her body is. It's the sum of all their parts that makes up a person. 3
FitChick Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 (edited) I don't go for pretty boys, so plenty of other men I'm not dating would be objectively better looking. I don't date men based solely on their looks so I don't really care. Edited July 2, 2013 by FitChick 1
xxoo Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 I can certainly understand this... I guess it's realizing the point at which we face reality and realize that not everyone will pair up with the most attractive people. We might not feel like we're "settling," but aren't we settling...? Not at all. I've met more attractive men, but I've never been more in love with another man. Looks really aren't the number one factor in my relationship satisfaction. 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 There really is nothing to deal with. We both can appreciate attractive looking people. He's caught me checking out men irl as I have him with women. We are big jokers and therefore make fun of the other person. Certain women in media I think are over rated, for example: Megan fox, he sai he thought she was hot, I expressed how I thought she was a terrible actress and wasn't all that. He could tell I was annoyed, and said "I mean, Uhm, yeah, she is hideous." Haha, such a butthead but its cute. That's how we handle those situations. Nothing wrong with looking an appreciating! We express far more often how hot we find the other to be, so it isn't like he makes me feel hideous when he points out attractive women. We poke fun at one other a lot, but we both know we make one hot couple ourselves! ;D
Babolat Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Well...obviously I'm biased, but no woman is more attractive than my wife. Now, with my first gf, I didn't think she was all that attractive...in a conventional sense. She was very cute and sweet, though and I was very into her in the beginning (before I found out who she really was and the relationship turned to crap). And yes, I did feel that jealous "pang" when there would be a girl that entered our "circle" that was more attractive or more "exciting". But, it wasn't really anything I had to deal with. When things were good between us, I didn't feel like cheating or wanting to be with anyone else...even when I had very open opportunities to. I was happy with who I was with. But, as the relationship started to degrade (and did so rapidly), I did find myself often wondering what it would be like with someone else. Seeing friends with attractive gfs who were also cool and fun...yeah...I would get pretty jealous. Especially if I thought *I* was better looking than the guy. I thought I was "underachieving". But, I was young back then (18-21) and I was in a seriously HORRIBLE relationship. You know my story..dated the hot, potential playboy bombshell..she was the hottest girl in the room, always, the sex was incredible and she gave me more attention than any man could ask for. As I got to know her though and the relationship degraded, and I began to emotionally detach, I was starting to look at other woman, ironically "simpler" ones, not the bombshells. And, when I was with her at times I did too. That was another sign to me that things were going bad for me/us. And, it was one of the most difficutl things for me to get over..losing the hottie. Now though, I don't even think about it as I had the hottie and gave it up...
na49 Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Well just because they are better looking doesn't mean I'd want to be with them more than my girlfriend. the thoughts that go through my head are usually "Wow! She's a looker!" or "Check out that rack!" and never "I wonder what being with that girl would be like?" When I notice my girlfriend looking at other guys, I don't really make a big deal out of it. I'd have more of a problem if she was flirting with them.
pteromom Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Person X on TV, at the store, at work, at the bar, amongst your friends, etc. is better looking than your significant other. How does seeing better looking people affect your relationship, if at all? Not at all. Looks aren't everything. That great looking guy may be a huge ass. Or he may be horrible in bed. Or he may be hung up on an ex. I don't have a "trading up" mentality. Everyone has strengths and flaws, and it's about finding someone you match well with, not finding the best looking person you can snag.
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 I also want to add that I dated a very very super attractive man whom I dumped for my now man. Everyone in my family was shocked. One moment I was dating this gorgeous man, an he next a handsome but definitely older and noticeably bald man. Proof. Looks don't mean anything. Funny thing, my boyfriend knows what he looked like and calls him pretty tony, he's ha his fair share of hotter women I'm sure. Looks are exactly that, to look at. 1
KungFuJoe Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Yeah...looks are meaningless if there's nothing else. As I mentioned earlier, my first gf was not very attractive. I had a friend ask me once (before he met her) if she was cute and all I could say was, "Well...*I* think she's cute." After we broke up, I started seeing this absolutely gorgeous latina...tall, beautiful wavy dark hair, flawless skin, former beauty pageant contestant, etc, etc. She was intimidatingly good looking. I mean, we're talking no comparison, at all, in terms of physical looks. I ended up totally blowing off the gorgeous latina because I wanted to get back with my ex gf. So that tells you how much physical looks matter when you have emotional attachment.
pteromom Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 I guess it's realizing the point at which we face reality and realize that not everyone will pair up with the most attractive people. We might not feel like we're "settling," but aren't we settling...? It's pretty rare that someone is going to have every attribute you would want in a "perfect" partner. But is that settling? I don't think so. I think you find someone who is a good person who has MOST of those attributes, then you live your life with gratitude that you found someone who is wonderful, rather than looking around to see what else is out there? It's a mindset. Being thankful for what you have, or always wanting what you don't have. I can promise you that the first way of thinking leads to more happiness. 3
Star Gazer Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Person X on TV, at the store, at work, at the bar, amongst your friends, etc. is better looking than your significant other. How does seeing better looking people affect your relationship, if at all? I presume that this may have more of an effect on men than women, but I merely speculate. It doesn't affect my relationship at all. I am not prone to looking for the bigger, better deal. My eyes are for my SO only.
Star Gazer Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 I can certainly understand this... I guess it's realizing the point at which we face reality and realize that not everyone will pair up with the most attractive people. We might not feel like we're "settling," but aren't we settling...? Think about it from a potential GF's perspective. Should she think she's settling with you? There will always be an option that's more physically attractive than you are. Should those other people's existence affect how she feels about you?
tbf Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 I still look at hot men. But looking doesn't impact on my relationship or view of my H. 1
Star Gazer Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 I still look at hot men. But looking doesn't impact on my relationship or view of my H. Yes, this is the difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to them (which a couple posters disagreed with me about, claiming there is no difference; I think there is). 5
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