lailax3 Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 It's not been easy, but I've done it. Our last conversation certainly wasn't pleasurable. My final text concluded how he had hurt me and I would never contact him again. He called me after, I never answered. It was his birthday yesterday but I continued with NC. Sometimes I hope he will get in touch, but I console myself by reminding myself, if he wanted to talk to me, he would. If I was as significant as he claimed I was; He wouldn't have said he wasn't sure anymore. Wouldn't have ignored me for two weeks. Wouldn't have unblocked/blocked me continously on whatsapp, while ignoring the 3 texts I had sent during the first two weeks of our 'breakup'. Slowly but surely, I will get over him.
aloneinaz Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 It's not been easy, but I've done it. Our last conversation certainly wasn't pleasurable. My final text concluded how he had hurt me and I would never contact him again. He called me after, I never answered. It was his birthday yesterday but I continued with NC. Sometimes I hope he will get in touch, but I console myself by reminding myself, if he wanted to talk to me, he would. If I was as significant as he claimed I was; He wouldn't have said he wasn't sure anymore. Wouldn't have ignored me for two weeks. Wouldn't have unblocked/blocked me continously on whatsapp, while ignoring the 3 texts I had sent during the first two weeks of our 'breakup'. Slowly but surely, I will get over him. Good job on your 30 days. I'm right there with you. It does get easier and I find myself not thinking about her as often. Of course, dating is a good distraction for me as well. We all need to stop focusing on the words of our exes. There simply words, nothing more. Their actions speak volumes for their true feelings. A lot of people are cowards and will say whatever to appease someone. This is what causes so much hurt when they suddenly end the relationship.
mtnbiker3000 Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Excellent work on 30 days!! This is the real rough part, and it may get harder before it gets easier. But, you can and will make it if ya stick with NC... Try to stop thinking of the past and focus on now. I know this is extremely difficult as I am here too!! I find myself remembering every single event of our RS. Now, it is different events than it was a week, a month or 3 months ago. And next week, or next month it will probably something else I didn't think of or remember until then. However, after I allow myself a minute or two to dwell on that, I force myself to stop. In this respect, it has become more manageable than it was at the beginning. I trust you will discover this as well
aloneinaz Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 it may get harder before it gets easier. MB, not sure what value there is in telling someone "it may get harder before it get's better?" Why suggest something or plant a seed that may or may not happen. Not everyone is going to get worse before getting better in their healing. Just my 2 cents. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 (edited) MB, not sure what value there is in telling someone "it may get harder before it get's better?" Why suggest something or plant a seed that may or may not happen. Not everyone is going to get worse before getting better in their healing. Just my 2 cents. Simply stating what my (and others) experiences have been so they might understand it if/when it happens. And historically, the 1 month mark is just that point, at least it was for me. And, I always follow with how it WILL get better with continued NC, as it did for me. All just my own experiences... Since I am successfully at 100+ days of NC, I feel some need to share the ups and downs of my journey as others did for me when I was early in the NC process... A sort of 'right of passage' Edited July 2, 2013 by mtnbiker3000
lop98 Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 MB, not sure what value there is in telling someone "it may get harder before it get's better?" Why suggest something or plant a seed that may or may not happen. Not everyone is going to get worse before getting better in their healing. I find it valuable myself. I felt accomplished when I reached 30 days, and the next three weeks were fantastic, I felt proud, like I was truly healing and getting back some of my dignity, and looking at it rationally, I was/am, but in the middle of the second and third month (some days ago), I had a meltdown out of nowhere, it just happened... chest tightness, lack of appetite and all (I'm now on a diet to recover from the anemia I accidentally got), it was just like day one, triggered for absolutely no reason... NC started to look pretty nonsense, I figured I was living proof that it didn't work if I continued to spiral down like that every few weeks. I really don't know what stopped me from breaking contact. I had read it gets particularly rough in month 2-3 so I think it's important to be aware of it, because it's easy to find it all purposeless once darkness hits back, you gained confidence and suddenly lose it and feel worse and weaker than before, but thankfully, it's an "after shock", an echo of the pain of the past months, if anyone here experiences it: it does go away, faster than before and you'll walk out of it much stronger than post 30-day mark too!
aloneinaz Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 I find it valuable myself. I felt accomplished when I reached 30 days, and the next three weeks were fantastic, I felt proud, like I was truly healing and getting back some of my dignity, and looking at it rationally, I was/am, but in the middle of the second and third month (some days ago), I had a meltdown out of nowhere, it just happened... chest tightness, lack of appetite and all (I'm now on a diet to recover from the anemia I accidentally got), it was just like day one, triggered for absolutely no reason... NC started to look pretty nonsense, I figured I was living proof that it didn't work if I continued to spiral down like that every few weeks. I really don't know what stopped me from breaking contact. I had read it gets particularly rough in month 2-3 so I think it's important to be aware of it, because it's easy to find it all purposeless once darkness hits back, you gained confidence and suddenly lose it and feel worse and weaker than before, but thankfully, it's an "after shock", an echo of the pain of the past months, if anyone here experiences it: it does go away, faster than before and you'll walk out of it much stronger than post 30-day mark too! But that's YOUR experience. Not EVERYONE'S experience at 2-3 months post break up is what you went through. My point is why scare someone or warn someone that they MIGHT have a rough period after 30 days? Don't you think they'd post that they were really struggling at 2 months or whatever? It would like a doctor writing a prescription for a drug then telling the patient all the POSSIBLE side effects of it that in most cases don't develop scaring them from wanting to take a drug they need. Each break up experience is different for all parties involved. Some feel the need to stay home and have a pity party for themselves for months while others take a few weeks or a month or two to shake off the rejection. They then MOVE ON with their lives, start dating and realize that a girl/guy isn't worth all the self inflected horror they're putting themselves through.
lop98 Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Of course that's my experience, I was sharing it, no need to shout with capitals. mtnbiker3000 said it may get harder before it gets easier, no reason to get worked up on that either, I understood he was warning laila, encouraging her not to give up now that she's past the 30-day mark and may experience the sporadic breakdown that's just human. Since she mentioned she "will get over him" and has not shaken anything off and moved on as you make it sound, I thought she might need extra encouragement on what's there to come for people that, I repeat, stick to NC without necessarily having succeeded at moving on.
itto ogami Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Good for you! I'm at four months NC with a blip and the emotional distance is so far removed. I'm doing fantastic compared to the initial grief. A month is still tough but you're already healing your heart thru detox. And it does get better. Congrats!
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