karpeezy Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 BACKGROUND: My boyfriend and I have been together 7 months, late 20's, both live at home, and first 'serious' relationship for either of us. We both are Christian but he was raised more to the 'Book' and it is frowned upon in his family to have sleepovers, sex before marriage, drink, etc. However, we do all of those things (but do not flaunt them, obviously). He is an incredible man, great morals, so sweet and treats me really well. We have a lot in common. We see each other 4-6 days a week, play on two baseball teams together, have met the friends and fam, and text throughout the day (approx. 1 text each every 1.5-2 hours) Our relationship was sudden and moved very quickly. When we met he was not really looking to date, but he hadn't liked someone as much as he likes me. He is a hockey coach and also plays, so that is a big time commitment (alongside working) and he needs to prioritize. When we hit 5-6 months it started to slow down...less affection, etc. This bothered me and he could tell. We finally sat down and talked about everything and agreed we need better communication. He recently began feeling guilt for our sleepovers, which bothered me because I didn't understand why this was happening now and not at the beginning of our relationship. He said at the beginning it was more fly by the seat of our pants, but now that we are getting longer term he is thinking things through more. We sat down and talked about things again and a little more about the future. This talk triggered a bit more of a serious talk. He said he has been putting a lot of thought into things lately, where this is going, etc. He said the one thing he's not sure about is taking the flip from "me" to "us" in terms of the future. He liked being able to do what he wants, when he wanted. I told him if he needs a night to himself or to hang out with friends, that I don't want him to feel obligated to spend time with me so he does know that. He said he doesn't feel obligated, and that he wants to spend time with me. I love him, but have not yet said it yet. I'm not pushing at him to say it, but am waiting for him to say it first. I am wondering if part of the reason he hasn't said it yet is because of this thinking he is doing. That to him, when he says it, that it's making that "me" to "us" flip that he's unsure about. Because of his religious background, we won't live together before marriage and neither of us want to stay in a stagnant relationship (I.e. dating for 5 years) so I know the next step would be marriage. I guess what I'm wondering is if anyone else has been in a situation like this. Where it's a great relationship, but he's nervous to take the next step. What did you do? How did you deal with it? I am trying to look on the positive side...that he is really thinking everything through to make sure he knows exactly what he wants. I know that he wouldn't waste either of our time if something wasn't there, I'm just struggling to keep my mind off the negative connotations.
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