doomedinpa Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Separated after enduring more than 20 yes of a financially and emotionally ruined marriage. Wife had been seeing counseling for "depression" for many years. Got to point that I actually dreaded coming home, will there be fight, argument, complaining. Will I say the wrong thing and set her off ? Couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. Finally had enough and wondered why can't I be happy ? I started my own counceling and decided that I do deserve happiness. I tried, really did, always kept open mind about possible reconsiliation , even went to marriage counseling. But she didn't like what they told her so she wouldn't go again. Kept her job for a while, then went on short term disability, soon as that ran out filled for support. Because I worked a lot of overtime to keep paying her bills and even give her cash . even got nice performance based one time bonus. They used this to determine my net monthly income and awarded her a a large support payment,even though I have letter from employer stating OT no longer an option. So now I'm stuck possibly with a huge payment and barely enough left for me. Lawyer seams to believe nothing can be done. This can't be true. Am I the only man to be screwed over by system like this ? I am so lost now and scared for my future. Don't like the ugly things entering my mind on how to get through this. I only want to be free of this. She can have house and everything in it. Mortgage is way behind, but I'd even agree to pay mortgage for 3-4 years for her. I just want out and for this to be fair.
elfman Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Hey man, sorry to hear of your troubles. YES, getting screwed by a divorce court is a common thing for men, since the system is still biased toward women. You could just file for bankrupcy, and then she'd have to redo the whole process of calculating your income AFTER the bankrupcy proceedings end. As to feeling like crap, not much you can do except get busy on making YOURSELF feel better... work out, find a hobby, work more, get busy... Find a second attorney for an opinion pronto, because it seems to me that the first one dropped the ball, it is very easy to determine your income, and the court CANNOT make you work overtime, so that should be easily thrown out. Hope you get help soon, and that this forum at least allows you to vent and get some new insight... IT WILL GET BETTER E
Author doomedinpa Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 Any children involved? No, son is adult age thankfully
Author doomedinpa Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 Hey man, sorry to hear of your troubles. YES, getting screwed by a divorce court is a common thing for men, since the system is still biased toward women. You could just file for bankrupcy, and then she'd have to redo the whole process of calculating your income AFTER the bankrupcy proceedings end. As to feeling like crap, not much you can do except get busy on making YOURSELF feel better... work out, find a hobby, work more, get busy... Find a second attorney for an opinion pronto, because it seems to me that the first one dropped the ball, it is very easy to determine your income, and the court CANNOT make you work overtime, so that should be easily thrown out. Hope you get help soon, and that this forum at least allows you to vent and get some new insight... IT WILL GET BETTER E I don't know, just seams so hopeless. I just hope this gets straightened out.hard to believe they can do this to me
hayewils Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 does sound to me that your attorney doesn't understand. They based your pay off of a bonus, that just isn't right. I would talk to my attorney to go back and have that reviewed. maybe even talk to another attorney.
Author doomedinpa Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 Exactly my point, even the overtime, this isn't what my CURRENT monthly income is . its what I made in PAST. The way this is going, she will end up we with a higher net monthly than me. Do maybe I CAN FILE FOR SUPPORT. UGH, so unfair.
elfman Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 I was reading a TIME article the other day that you should find, I think it was in one of the May or June issues. It was about the second wife association of america or something along those lines... basically concerns payment of support for overly long periods, 20 and 30 years, and how it affects the finances of second families, very insightful. Again, you have to be sure that IT WILL get better, but you have to talk to your attorney STRAIGHT and without any mistery, set up a long, long meeting with the guy and ask away, also, DO REASEARCH online by yourself before this meeting takes place, and come prepared... one of the common mistakes (I made it) is being so emotionally involved that we hope the problem will just go away on its own, because we do not have the strenght (or think we dont) to "handle" it... it sucks, but noone except you will fix this for you. I'll try looking up some info later today for you, where are you located? The US? Canada? Somewhere else? Take care man, hang in there...
Author doomedinpa Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 Thanks to all who responded. Does anyone know if the court ( Pennsylvania)can include a "one time performance bonus" that they used to include in there calculationfor my net monthly income ? I have heard that they can't , but they did and it raised my year to date income quit a bit. Just wondering if I have a leg to stand on in upcoming challenge. Also not really sure I even need another lawyer with me. Just another high ex pence, and if all they ( courts) do is go by your pay stubs then why waste the money on a lawyer ?
eddyctv Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Is it possible to go through the process again in a year, when your salary is lower, without the bonus, show the court what you are earning, in hopes of lowering your alimony? Sorry, i dont know a thing about this stuff...but yes, i would absolutely talk to another attorney, yours sounds like an idiot.
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