NYCGuy22 Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 I just need some advice. I just got out of a 6 year relationship - with the last 6 months being fairly rocky and distant. We have been broken up for a month now. Obviously, I still miss things about her but want to move on with my life. I went out with a very nice girl yesterday and had a great time. I'd like to go out with her again, but it just feels weird. Is it because I have only been with one person for the last 6 years? Is one month out of a relationship too soon to start dating again? Any thoughts?
Casablanca Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 I just need some advice. I just got out of a 6 year relationship - with the last 6 months being fairly rocky and distant. We have been broken up for a month now. Obviously, I still miss things about her but want to move on with my life. I went out with a very nice girl yesterday and had a great time. I'd like to go out with her again, but it just feels weird. Is it because I have only been with one person for the last 6 years? Is one month out of a relationship too soon to start dating again? Any thoughts? Everyone is different...any way you could possibly try to put into words what you mean by "feels weird"? What did you think about when on your date? Did you keep comparing your date to your ex? Did you think about how your ex would answer your questions, etc. Who grabbed most of your time in your mind, your ex or your date? I do know when I broke up with my gf of three years, the first couple dates which were a couple months later were just weird because I was indeed rusty, so it was sort of like working out muscles that haven't been worked out in a long time, but I never thought about her on these dates, so I knew I was fine
carhill Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Six years is longer than some marriages. IMO, give yourself some time to grieve, even if the last six months have been 'rocky'. As your experiences so far have indicated, there is still an emotional detachment going on which will take time to complete. Further, jumping into a new dynamic will forestall reflection and learning from that six years and bringing those lessons into the next relationship. Can you socialize without 'wanting more'? IOW, enjoy female companionship without progressing intimacy and sex into the same dynamic you just left? If so, casually date, fully disclosed. See how it goes. Generally, on LS, women advise to avoid a separated and/or recently divorced man, even for dating. I'll be curious to hear opinion on similar circumstances not involving a wedding ring.
Author NYCGuy22 Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 I think you hit the nail on the head. I just felt rusty because I'm not used to first dates again. Not sure what to do...what to say...etc. Everything went well and there has to be mutual interest on her part as she indicated that she would like to do it again. I didn't think about my ex at all - until maybe later in the night when I got home. I was just happy to be out with someone new again. What is the best advice for next contact? Do I call or text the next day just to say "hi"? I haven't done this in years!! LOL!!
carhill Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 What is the best advice for next contact? Do I call or text the next day just to say "hi"? Contact when you feel like it. If that is the next day, that. If next week, that. If never, that. You're not required to follow a script. If the lady you're socializing with is disclosed as to your recent breakup, she'll be, if she's a mature adult, quite aware of the process you're going through. This is where disclosure benefits you. Those who will choose your company will allow for the variables of getting over a previous relationship. Most have been there. Go with the flow.
crederer Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 I'd say go for it. It may be the right girl for you but you pass it up by conforming to the way people think you SHOULD behave. Just take it slow. And let her know why you're taking it slow so she doesn't take it as a sign of disinterest. 1
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