What are the chances of him missing me?

[Sapphyre]

Hi, I have recently come out of a 6 week long 'thing' with this guy. Can't call it a relationship as it wasn't long enough.

 

It started off very weird, we met through work and from the start he was upfront about being in a LDR with somebody, it was complicated but he was due to move over to her country at the end of this year to be with her, however he was having doubts about selling up his whole life.

We got talking, first through facebook and text messaging, general chat that got a bit flirty but nothing too heavy, and within 2 weeks he had asked to come over and see me at my house. On the spur of the moment I agreed, he arrived at 8pm and admitted he had come over for sex hoping he could just have a one night thing and be ok with it; but he couldn't do it - to himself, to me or his girlfriend. He stayed though, and we just talked and laughed for the next 6 hours before he went home, it felt very natural and time passed so quickly.

 

This continued for the next week; him coming round and we would just chat about anything and everything for 4-6 hours at a time.

 

After about 2 weeks he became very confused, saying he had developed strong feelings for me and wasn't sure about this other lady, after a while he expressed his doubts about moving over there to her and she ended things, and then he got together with me.

 

Within a week we were feeling very strongly and said we loved each other, we then started talking about him moving in with me (!) and he seemed totally into it, with him talking about how we would organise the bills and him getting a bigger car...but then I panicked as it was moving so fast, and started being horrible to him - causing arguments, demanding he came over to see me on nights we had agreed he wouldn't, then threatening that it was over unless he got over here...he always did as I demanded but then sometimes I wouldn't even open the door to him or would argue all night when he did get here, but bless him he put up with it, saying he loved me too much and the 'hassle' was worth it because when we were good, we were great.

 

Eventually though, he did end it. He said I had been his best chance but he was emotionally empty and had nothing to give, needed to be alone to sort himself out etc.

 

He still came to see me when I asked, and when he was here (a few times) he always looked so confused, sighing and saying there was something about me that stopped him wanting to lose me from his life completely, but he didn't see a future for us.

 

He asked for a week of no contact (this was 3 weeks ago) and said "if after that week, I still feel this crazy about you, I'll just go for it with you". I only managed 3 days before I contacted him, and then he said that as I hadn't given him the full week, he still hadn't made a decision - I asked him to give it another week before making a decision but again, didn't give him the full week before we argued (again, my doing ).

 

All this time he was saying he didn't see a future for us, didn't know why he didn't and he was so confused, but then about a week ago he suddenly announced there is nothing between us.

He said I still drive him crazy (whatever that means), he's very physically attracted to me but maybe it's an age thing (he's much older than me), maybe it's the fact I have young children (he always said that wasn't an issue in the past) or whatever but there just isn't the chemistry there to warrant wanting to date me.

He did say he would come and see me as a friend but nothing more.

 

Then...on Saturday I discovered he had signed up to a paid-for dating website, and he told me he wouldn't have done that if he thought there was any chance for us...therefore it was over

 

He has been on one date already and I know he's asked at least 2 women out after that via the website, it seems like he's just trying desperately to get someone to be in a relationship with so he can justify having sex with them (he keeps saying he can't do 'just sex' without the chance of a relationship, which is why he cannot sleep with me).

 

I did speak to him via facebook last night, briefly. Just about our shared spiritual interests and suggesting he take up meditation again, that sort of thing. He was polite enough but then I said I had to go and get a bath and asked if there was a chance of talking later or some other time soon, he said "got to go and cook tea now maybe talk later" but then didn't come back online. He didn't even text me, so I didn't text him or message him either.

 

He said so much positive stuff the past couple of weeks since we've been split up, like how he's felt more for me than any of his exes, there was something about me that he couldn't put his finger on that kept drawing him back to me, he said that one time when we were in bed and I started play fighting and tickling him, that he's never done that with anyone else before and he felt 'pure joy and contentment' at that moment in time, like never before, that I make him smile inside, that I have managed to make him so angry during arguments but at the very same time, make him instantly feel so relaxed and happy...how can he say all that stuff, yet say he doesn't feel enough chemistry?

 

How can he start dating other women so soon...we have argued more than not but yet he was still saying all that about the positive moments we did have, what are the chances he might date some women and not feel those same things for the other women, that they might not be as bubbly or vibrant (the things he says I am) and maybe miss that side of me?

 

He used to say he missed hearing from me when I didn't text him, and on his lunchbreak he used to rush out and check for messages from me...but now he has been contacting and dating all these other women, presumably he'll be checking for texts from them now and not miss my contact, and just be looking forward to getting home and checking the dating website for replies

 

Do people ever get disillusioned if they rush into arranging lots of dates quickly and then feel no spark with anyone? He told a mutual friend (he doesn't know I know this friend though so didn't think it'd get back to me) that the woman he went on a date with, they had a pleasant chat over coffee but there was no chemistry so won't see each other again...seems very harsh and strange to just give it one date before making a decision on chemistry?

 

Anyway I'm rambling on...just trying to get an idea of what might be causing him to act this way and if I have any chance of him starting to miss me, even though I've mostly caused him hassle

[OwlSoul]

As far as you're concerned what he is doing (going on dates or not, stalking him and talking about his feelings) you will not get a positive responce.

Why do you even bother about ti if it lasted only 6 weeks?

[Sapphyre]

Sorry I didn't understand the first part of your message.

 

Why am I bothered?

 

Well as I said...I felt a lot for him after a very short time, more than I ever have for anyone previously and he said the same, at the time.

[Simon Phoenix]

You need to stop being in contact with him and stop keeping tabs on what he's doing in his dating life.

[forgetmenot75]

Sapphire, my best advice is to forget this jerk. He seems too much similar to a guy I was "dating", and believe me, I've suffered a lot and I'm continuing suffering.

He seems to have "issues": from loving you and wanting to move with you (!!!) to just ignore you. Just forget about him and find someone who truly wants to be with you, in a healthier way.