husband feels i am copying him in his career and treats me bad about it

[Sam22]

I am trying to advance career wise and i always had a set plan for plan b plan c etc. Now i would like to do my degree in the field he is familiar with this is not new this is something i always said i would do if my first option did not work out as i planned. Although he won't say it to me, he gets extremely defensive when i ask him for advice. He at times yells at me when i ask him for his opinion in what i should do since it is money that will be spent in a higher degree and i would really like his support. I feel pretty awful but i do not want to be a housewife for the rest of my life, i want to be able to stand in my own two feet and this is the career i want to do. I have not told him that his career is what i want to do in specific because i am scared of him yelling at me and screaming and treating me bad since when i let out hints of what i am considering he already gets defensive.

 

Yet i sense his anger and frustrations and i know he would completely reject the idea if i were to tell him. He turns me down when i say a similar job to his field and says you wont like that and thats not your thing, when i know i will be great at it and i need a job that pays not a degree that will sit collecting dust and student loans for life. I am trying to be smart in the decisions i make. I want to take advantage and continue my education before having kids. We are both young and have been married for a little over a year and no kids and it is the perfect time to go to school and do what i want for a carer since i can dedicate all my time in finishing it.

 

I feel terrible because if he wanted to pursue something i am good at or have knowledge of i would support him 100% and i would even go out of my way to help him reach his goals and if later on he felt it wasnt for him at least he tried and i helped him and supported him through his goal. I feel it is not the same for him in regards to me.

 

Should I tell him i want to pursue a career in the IT field, or should i pick something else to do? I just feel there are so many options for work in IT and it was always one of my options for careers. I look up to my husband and respect him and i also feel it is a great thing that he is knowledgeable of the subject because who better to help me than he to help me advance career wise. I know if i tell him he will scream at me, yell and treat me bad because he already does every time i let out hints of jobs similar in the IT field.

 

What should i do, what would you do in my case? I feel so lost and i know he would hate me if i tell him i want to do IT, because it is something he did first and it would make him feel bad. i dont know my head is spinning

[SoleMate]

Very tough problem. Do you have a pattern of respectful and productive communication on other topics?