AppleFudge Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 (edited) I messed up with my boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend). I done stupid little things and I don't know why, well I guess they weren't so stupid, but I noticed they bothered him yet never stopped doing them, he never really told me straight or said anything about how it could result in me losing him, but I should have known. I was sometimes cold with him and distant, but a lot of it was due to stress, I hadn't been able to see him as much as usual because of exams and so it kind of brought out a bad side in me because I was so frustrated. We used to try and talk all the time but it would result in little arguments and so I suggested we spent some time apart, just a few days not speaking, because revision stress and trying to have a nice conversation all the time didn't mix for us. He ended up getting really upset, he sent me a countless amount of messages, I assured him he wasn't going to lose me, and he tried to see me in person but couldn't. He was trying to reach out to me and he was scared, but I just didn't think about it, I thought we'd be okay. He ended up crying, and said some more cute/sad stuff to me, and I couldn't take it anymore because I loved him obviously and it wasn't supposed to hurt him, so I said nevermind about having time apart. Things were a little awkward between us, but we seen each other in person and things seemed fine. The next morning, I was in a bit of a mood, because he slept in until 3pm and I was stuck in his room doing nothing. So when he woke up I was really quiet with him - which I think he thought was because of other reasons, and not just because I had been bored all day. When I got home he broke up with me, I asked him not to, and so he stayed with me, and stayed over, but as he went to cuddle me he felt cuts on me which he thought I done because of him but it was nothing like that. He went to sleep in a mood and I explained the next day that they were pretty old cuts and just irrelevant and I wasn't self harming and wouldn't. He suggested we break up again, and that was it. It's been a month and a half, and I've done nothing but push him away further. At first he kept saying he needed time, and when he came to collect his stuff, I left him a letter for him, and he read it and said it made him emotional and he asked if we could go the cinemas. We had a great time, we flirted and I had butterflies in my stomach. He said he was thinking for a fresh start for us as friends and seeing where it goes. But I was too upset by everything, I couldn't manage that. I ended up text spamming him and stuff, and I just slowly messed everything up in my attempts to get him back, because I was harassing him slightly I guess. I just wasn't thinking straight. He was in love with me, but he says he thinks its best if we don't try and get back together, and instead just stop talking. So far it's just been a day of not talking, but of course it feels like nearly 2 months of not talking because of how distant everything has been. If he loved me, and had really strong feelings for me, and left because of something I could fix and improve myself for him, could I ever get him back? If I contacted him in a month or something? Or is there anything else I could do? I know I'll have to give up one day if it doesn't work, but for now, I'm holding onto everything we ever said to each other when we were together. It was serious. Edited July 2, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
athousandquestions Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Yeah you can 'get him back' but the fact is it's gonna take a lot longer than a month. You need to go NC with him, delete him from your life (Facebook, etc) and stop replying to any texts/calls. You can't miss something that isn't gone. So you need to go away and leave him alone. You need to work on yourself. Go to the gym, workout, hang with friends, do everything you can to make yourself a better and happier person WITHOUT him! Live your life. If it is really meant to be, it will be. Couples have broken up and gone through YEARS of NC only to get back together! It will take more than a month.
Author AppleFudge Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 If it is really meant to be, it will be. Couples have broken up and gone through YEARS of NC only to get back together! It will take more than a month. Thank you for replying, I've heard so many people say it's possible but when someone reads my situation and still says its possible, it just relaxes me so much. However, I have another question. We've been broken up for a month and a half, and I read everywhere that you are supposed to just move on, live your life, and go on dates, it's the only way your ex will see your value. Right now I spend every day crying, and searching these forums, to try and get some relief. There is a guy I know, who is willing to see me, we can spend time together, and watch TV, it'll stop me being lonely. But my ex hated this guy. If I see this guy, I will feel so much better and won't spend so much time at home upset, and it'll encourage me to be okay with going out and doing more stuff. But if me and my ex ever worked things out, I couldn't lie about it, I couldn't pretend I hadn't seen this guy (especially if we kissed or something), and so that would just make my ex think I didn't love him enough to wait or something?
Kaiyah Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Hi You should go out and have fun with your friends. Please don't date others until you are emotionally fit to do so. Definitely don't go on a rebound - you'll only feel worse and it's not fair on the other person. Take up a new hobby. Go to the cinema, go dancing, go to theatres, galleries, shopping etc. Dress up in bright colours to life your mood. You will feel so much better.
Author AppleFudge Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 you'll only feel worse and it's not fair on the other person. Hey:) I was only intending on seeing this person a few times, I wouldn't do anything so drastic until it's at least been a month with no contact, because if he hasn't contacted me in a month then I shouldn't feel so guilty about trying to move on in that area. I just want to better myself, and whenever I go out, I break down. But being with someone who cares about me in that way and can distract me, especially with cuddles, would help a lot. But it probably is a bad idea, I'm just searching for anything that could bring me relief. I'll try out some of those suggestions, it's just hard as I can't really see friends/family, nor have the money to do a bunch of fun stuff!
hoping2heal Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Apple, Do you even know why this guy broke up with you?
Author AppleFudge Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 Apple, Do you even know why this guy broke up with you? He told me some briefly, which allowed me to figure out some of the others. Basically, it was little things. I had this friend who is a guy, and we planned on going to a convention together for something we both enjoyed, my boyfriend got unhappy about this, he says I was giving others more attention, maybe I was, but I didn't mean to. There were little things that all added up together. I stopped cuddling him as much. We got into little stupid arguments because I was stressed with the workload I had and it just didn't contribute well to the relationship. We couldn't see each other much during that time, but it was only temporarily. When talking to me after the break up, he spoke about some stuff in an unhappy way, such as if I mentioned a movie I refused to watch, he went into a short rant about how it was impossible to watch a movie with me and stuff. I think just a bunch of little things built up, we lacked communication, but we never really realized. That's why I think there could be another shot, because we both just had a lot of frustration built up, I just didn't help the situation afterwards with my burst of desperation for him back right away. I should have learned about giving him space sooner.
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