Women who Love Too Much

[AVR1962]

Anyone else finally figure out this was their issues? Has anyone read the book? I have finished the first two chapters and the book describes me almost completely. Husband and I have been married for 21 years. There has been a great deal of counseling in those years. Two separate counselors told me husband is passive-aggressive. I have read the books and he can even identify with a lot of it. He too has had one-on-one counseling. While the counseling helps for awhile and husband is nice when I am ready to pack my bags I am no longer making excuses for him like I did before and I find his actions form the past very hard to forgive.

 

In the book it keeps saying how we have tied so hard to do our best by everyone yet we are caught in relationships with men who don't treat us well but we keep trying, hang in there hoping that something will make a difference while the men in our lives continue to live without any thought of what we are trying to build in the relationship. After years of beating our heads against a brick wall we finally wake up to our mess and are bitter, hurt and resentful. That is my interpretation in a nut-shell.

 

I was far too eager to help out and took on everything as a young wife and stepmom. I think I was wanting to prove to my ex that I was worthy of being loved. He had an affair and left with his lover. He was my high school sweetheart, we had two children together and I was devastated. When I met my second husband it wasn't about attraction more than it was about making things work. He had 2 children, I had two, both our exes left and stayed gone until they re-established their lives. I also think I found my parents in my second marriage, someone who was emotionally unavailable, someone who would not have pursued me, the relationship was very one-sided from the start.

 

Husband would not care for his children or even mow the grass. We had 5 children between us, all lived with us and I was busy from the time I woke til the minute I went to bed. Husband would sit on the computer playing games and sneaking to watch porn which he continually denied for years.

 

Emotionally I have breaking free for over 3 years but reading the book I am just now waking up to the reality of what I created in my life and realizing I did this all because I just wanted someone to love and accept me. I worked harder and harder for those I could not please just like I did for my parents growing up as a child. Sad to think I have spent so many years spinning my wheels for nothing.

 

I would love to hear from others who have read the book or have walked in my shoes.

[sunshinegirl]

I read the book after realizing that I kept dating the same kind of guy (unavailable in one form or another). It described me very well.

 

I was lucky in that I spent a fair amount of time sorting through my issues with a counselor, and got to a better place personally. After that, I met my now-husband, who is nothing like all those men I had previously dated. In short, I was able to break my pattern and find a healthy relationship.

 

I wish you luck!

[Nyla]

I used to love men far more than they loved me. I didn't like myself.

 

My husband had some commitment and selfishness issues when we were dating.

 

The power shifted when I stopped caring about him so much.

[Eve]

Anyone else finally figure out this was their issues? Has anyone read the book? I have finished the first two chapters and the book describes me almost completely. Husband and I have been married for 21 years. There has been a great deal of counseling in those years. Two separate counselors told me husband is passive-aggressive. I have read the books and he can even identify with a lot of it. He too has had one-on-one counseling. While the counseling helps for awhile and husband is nice when I am ready to pack my bags I am no longer making excuses for him like I did before and I find his actions form the past very hard to forgive.

 

In the book it keeps saying how we have tied so hard to do our best by everyone yet we are caught in relationships with men who don't treat us well but we keep trying, hang in there hoping that something will make a difference while the men in our lives continue to live without any thought of what we are trying to build in the relationship. After years of beating our heads against a brick wall we finally wake up to our mess and are bitter, hurt and resentful. That is my interpretation in a nut-shell.

 

I was far too eager to help out and took on everything as a young wife and stepmom. I think I was wanting to prove to my ex that I was worthy of being loved. He had an affair and left with his lover. He was my high school sweetheart, we had two children together and I was devastated. When I met my second husband it wasn't about attraction more than it was about making things work. He had 2 children, I had two, both our exes left and stayed gone until they re-established their lives. I also think I found my parents in my second marriage, someone who was emotionally unavailable, someone who would not have pursued me, the relationship was very one-sided from the start.

 

Husband would not care for his children or even mow the grass. We had 5 children between us, all lived with us and I was busy from the time I woke til the minute I went to bed. Husband would sit on the computer playing games and sneaking to watch porn which he continually denied for years.

 

Emotionally I have breaking free for over 3 years but reading the book I am just now waking up to the reality of what I created in my life and realizing I did this all because I just wanted someone to love and accept me. I worked harder and harder for those I could not please just like I did for my parents growing up as a child. Sad to think I have spent so many years spinning my wheels for nothing.

 

I would love to hear from others who have read the book or have walked in my shoes.

 

Hey glad you have found some inspiration! My issue is the opposite, I reject others before they reject me so as not to taint my love, for it is very deep. Idk, I am kind of cool with this nowadays as often my gut instinct is right anyway. If there isn't a mutual calmness and humour present, I run for the hills.. well, to the library or cinema, lol.

 

I think we have to be very careful as women not to fall too heavily into the roles that are pre-prepared for us and the greatest advice I can give you in this transition is to return to being a girl. Anchor yourself in girlhood and explore life, love and all that stuff.

 

Not sure what to say about the Hubby thing. I have no tolerance for insensitive men so tend not to listen to them, unless I am paid to do so within a specific capacity.

 

Have no regrets Darling. See it as all being part of your love which has no end. That's how I deal with things. I give only because I want to.

 

Chin up!

 

Take care,

Eve x