puertea Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Hello! I'm new here, and I'm looking for advice. I got married for 2 years, but recently i found out my husband still contact his ex girlfriend frequently, they whatsapp each other everyday, in the morning and before sleep. They even meet up each other once a week. I think it has been like this for years, just i didn't know it. We had an open talk after i found out, my husband explained to me that his ex girlfriend is really understand him, they are like soul mate, they have a lot to talk about, but now they are just good friends. I hope what he said is true but my feeling tell me, it's not, because his ex hasn't even know he got married and may think about get back together. What should i do now, accept it or try my best to find out the girl and tell her get away from my husband? I am afraid if i really do that, it's more like pushing my husband to that girl.
Storm_Chaser Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 I had a very similar thing happen with me, only it was my fiancee. She told me that her ex was "the love of her life" and couldn't tell her to get out of the picture. I wouldn't say anything to the woman--she's not the one who made any obligations to you and she's not the one who you should be telling to stay away from your husband. It's your husband who you should say something to. Either tell him you don't appreciate his relationship with his ex, or tell him you want to be part of their "friendship" too, as you are his WIFE. If he doesn't do either of these things, kick him to the curb. I'm telling you, you've only been married two years. Don't waste any more time with a man who doesn't respect you. I wasted 13 months of my life on a woman who treated me like ****, lied to me, and was still hanging around "the love of her life" ex. I'm just more heartbroken today than I would have been if I had ended it months ago. My advice: confront your husband, not his ex. 2
kamani Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 He is clearly crossing the boundaries and disrespecting you. Tell him to end this friendship. I personally beleive being friends with an ex is playing with fire. 1
dichotomy Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 The fact that he hid it from you - shows he knows it was wrong and you would not approve. So he lied, hid and betrayed you for his own needs. Thats the issue here. There are more than a few who dedicde to remain friends with ex's - but they do it with full openess and approval from their spouses.
elfman Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Sorry, but he is probably sleeping with her... you'll eventually find out... And about not telling her, I disagree, you are the affected party here. How can you possibly be ok with your husband denying your very existance? Find a chance to run into her, and just say "oh, you're XXXXX, my husband XXXX's ex-girlfriend, I've heard so much about you"... That will put the real extent of that relationship into perspective for all parties involved
pteromom Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 If they were just friends, that wouldn't concern me. But the fact that: - he's been hiding his friendship with her, including WEEKLY visits with her, from you for two years and - she doesn't know he's married!!! sends up huge red flags for me. What would I do? I would tell your husband that if she is really truly only his friend and there is nothing going on, that there is no reason you cannot be friends with her too, and you want to invite her to a dinner party to get to know her. Hey, you can even invite a male friend as a blind date for her. If he has nothing to hide, he'll be open to you meeting her. If he's having an affair, he will do everything in his power for this NOT to happen. (Ignore your feelings about whether you even want to be friends with her or not. That's not the point.)
MissBee Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Hello! I'm new here, and I'm looking for advice. I got married for 2 years, but recently i found out my husband still contact his ex girlfriend frequently, they whatsapp each other everyday, in the morning and before sleep. They even meet up each other once a week. I think it has been like this for years, just i didn't know it. We had an open talk after i found out, my husband explained to me that his ex girlfriend is really understand him, they are like soul mate, they have a lot to talk about, but now they are just good friends. I hope what he said is true but my feeling tell me, it's not, because his ex hasn't even know he got married and may think about get back together. What should i do now, accept it or try my best to find out the girl and tell her get away from my husband? I am afraid if i really do that, it's more like pushing my husband to that girl. I have no idea why anyone would marry someone if they felt someone else was their "soulmate" and the fact that your husband has the nerve to tell you that his friend is like his soulmate is even more absurd. It's totally inappropriate. When you're married, your spouse should be your soulmate and bestfriend, and other friendships should have clear boundaries and be secondary and certainly shouldn't be secrets. Why would you tell her to get away from him when he's the one who voluntarily talks to her? She isn't your problem. He is. Even if she doesn't talk to him, he will still feel how he feels about her. I believe relationships are only good when both people are all in and are on the same page, no by coercion, not by one trying to control who the other talks or doesn't talk to etc...each spouse has to choose for themselves to protect the relationship. You need to sit him down and explain how this makes you feel and tell him your preference...but that's not the only problem, as again, it doesn't change his feelings. You don't need to "accept it", it's disrespectful and it concerns me that he really doesn't respect you, which is not her fault or just about him talking to her, but a larger problem of disrespect. Who tells their wife that their ex gf is their soulmate and really expects her to be okay with their morning, noon and night conversations??? I would be sooo furious. I'd also suggest marriage counseling.
Author puertea Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 Hello! I'm new here, and I'm looking for advice. I got married for 2 years, but recently i found out my husband still contact his ex girlfriend frequently, they whatsapp each other everyday, in the morning and before sleep. They even meet up each other once a week. I think it has been like this for years, just i didn't know it. We had an open talk after i found out, my husband explained to me that his ex girlfriend is really understand him, they are like soul mate, they have a lot to talk about, but now they are just good friends. I hope what he said is true but my feeling tell me, it's not, because his ex hasn't even know he got married and may think about get back together. What should i do now, accept it or try my best to find out the girl and tell her get away from my husband? I am afraid if i really do that, it's more like pushing my husband to that girl. Thanks for the advice, it's helpful.
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